Interviews Part 2

Boudica

Queen of The Iceni

“Welcome to our Celtic Contestant! Boudica you made quite the splash this season by very nearly killing our master the moment you got on stage!”

“I still might. Right now I’m just thinkin’ through all that crap you said about it meain’ the end of the world.”

“I’d trust me! We’re friends!”

“We’re not. What other stupid questions do you have on them cards. What’s me favorite color?”

“Ah heh, noooo. K, just skip past that one. Okay as far as your appeal to the audience on your entrance how ya think that’s going huh? Everyone one loves a violent psychopath.”

“I don’t give a ratass what your viewers think of me. They should feel nothin' but grateful I'm thinkin' about goin' trough this shite, just so they can live.”

“That’s just one of the reasons they love you! They love breaking wild horses like you.”

“Good fucking luck. I don’t care if I become a slug made of cunts, I ain’t givin an inch to you or anyone on this show.”

“Message received.” Skylar pauses awkwardly.“Well you must at least be happy about the locale. A ski lodge must be a nice change of pace to the endless bloodstained deserts of Wrath."

“Aye, this place seems nice enough. Love my dress. No severed heads screamin’ at me about their orphaned children. Course the overtones to enslavement and the flagrant disregard to freewill bumps it down a star or two.”

“Yeah well… at least we have room service.”

—

Olympias

Queen of Macedonia

“Olympias might I just say, it is a total honor. You are such a bad ass.”

“Thank you. Don’t judge me against the morals of the modern age, judge me against the morals of my time.”

“Mark Twain said that Joan of Arc is the only soul who could be judged against all times, and still be a hero.”

“Good for him.”

“So you went for a pretty minimalist approach to your entrance. What were your thoughts behind that?”

“I was chosen to bare the son of a god, my dear. Once your draw a god’s attention you draw all. I don’t need to prance or dance like those other harlots, I need not debase myself in such a way. I need only carry myself with the dignity, and poise demanded of my position.”

“And what is your position?”

“I am the mother of god, queen consort of the world.”

“You lived to see your son’s ****. You know he was mortal. You also have some knowledge of the modern world. I don’t think I need to tell you your son didn’t conquer the world, not even close.”

“Not a god?” Olympias seems amused, like you’d see when dealing with a child. “The kings of Persia were called The King of Kings, Master of The Universe. He destroyed them in the blink of a civilization's eye. He is immortal, even to this day. His glory is such that I, thousands of years gone am brought back to life for the mere privilege of calling him my own. As for the world? The mightest nation on Earth is America, and half their people don’t even think their king is legitimate, yet is there a soul alive who does not call my boy Alexander The Great?”

—

Cleopatra

Queen of The Nile

“Voting's almost over. How am I doing?”

“No spoilers. How do you think you're doing?"

“I think I’ll be lucky to make it through this with my new found life intact.”

“Do you feel you’re in danger?”

Cleo’s eye twitches betraying a hurricane of emotions whirling just behind her eyes. “From everyone and everything in the place? Yes.”

“Rest easy Cleo, you are safe. The producers would never let anything happen to their stars.”

Cleo adjusts herself on her chair. “Well if you believe that, then there is no use in me crying about it.

“So what do you think of your performance out there today, huh? I personally thought you were one of the highlights.”

“Fucking slayed it. The goddess as still got it, baby!”

“I totally thought so!” Skylar cheers. ‘“I was watching you talk to Satan and was like ‘This lady knows how to handle men.’”

“Thank you. It's like riding a bike. Though that man is vile as any tit biting snake, I still enjoyed being back in the thick of things. Flirting with men of power, using my wiles. I love it."

"It was good to see you back in action Cleo, but everyone's wondering. What about your lover back in Hell? Tell us about Mark-Anthony."

"Oh, boy, you were softening me up with those earlier questions. He's a great man, and I love him. We're soulmates if such a thing can exist in ignoble history. Everything I do, I do for him. If I become Queen of Hell, I'll be able to end his suffering. Even if we can't be together... It'll be enough to know he's not living in torment."

"Even if it means you are?"

Cleo smirks. "Isn't it your job to make sure I won't think it's torment?"

—

Eve

The First Woman

“Great to have you back Eve, what do you think of our little show? Eve? Eve? Eve can you hear me? We didn’t magic your hearing away did we? Eve? Are… are you ignoring me? Eve are you ignoring me? Oh my goodness, you totally are. That’s cool Eve. Eve, I’m the host here okay, interviews are a required part of your contract. You have to spill your feelings to me. Eve, Eve this isn’t funny, okay? Wow, okay wow Real mature Eve, the silent treatment. What are you, like a million years old? Didn’t think I’d be the one baby sitting in this situation. You know what? I can compel you to talk, yeah. I just don’t like to do it, because I don’t think it’s polite. But if you’re just going to ignore me this entire time, you leave me ****…Oh I get it, you want me to compel you so you’ll say something nasty about me huh? Whatever Eve, I never did anything to you, other than facilitate your capture and enslavement, but that’s just my job. I don’t know why you’re being so mean to me. Eve, I’m cool, okay? I’m not like those other hosts, I like Jazz. I know my body is really freaky, but this isn’t me. My favorite color is pink, I’m dress kind of girl. Don’t look at me like that Eve, I am a woman I don’t care what you say. You don’t think so? Don’t I look like a woman, this body has boobs slight though they may be. Just because I’m not born from your little billion baby family, doesn’t mean I’m not a woman just like you. I mean, who died and made you woman, huh? You, you think I’m just just some thing molded into the shape of a woman by some cosmically powerful beings don’t you? Yeah well, I guess that means we’re the same Eve. Yeah, we’re the same. God made you, producers made me. We’re the same. We’re the same. Oh god we’re not the same! You have free will. I’m… I’m like a PEZ dispenser! They just open me up and I spit out a new season! I don’t even watch T.V! Between seasons I just go back home, and crochet, the other hosts invite me to cookouts but but but I. Don’t. Go. B-b-because. They're. so mean! Waaaaaaaaah. They don’t even care if the slaves love the master! Which I get you know? It's like, it's not our job. But they're going to be living together for the rest of their lives, shouldn't everyone be happy? I guess I care about it so much, because I’M NOT REAL! And and and and NOBODY WILL EVER LOVE ME!” Says Skylar.

Tomorrow The Results! Be sure to post your votes as soon as possible.