(Jessie POV) Roxanne’s new roommate

“Roxy, I can’t come out there wearing this. I’ve never worn anything like this in my life.”

Out in the hall, her new friend Roxanne waited eagerly.

“My heart can’t wait another day,” Roxanne said through the door.

The first thing Jessie learned about Roxanne was that she sometimes liked to talk using lyrics from punk songs. The second thing Jessie learned about Roxanne was that she was a lesbian.

And the third was that she was surprisingly kind to strays. Or at least, to this particular stray. Aside from some light flirting, Roxanne had let her stay the night with no strings attached, and then offered to let her live with her.

Now she was lending Jessie clothes, too. Meeting her last night had been a stroke of much needed luck.

“This is harassment, plain and simple,” Jessie pouted, and looked at herself in the mirror again.

So not me.

“Maybe so, but don’t you know I wanna have a go?”

Jessie sighed and opened the door wearing one of Roxanne’s Sex Pistols crop tops and a tight pair of jean shorts. Her shapely legs were clad in flashy fishnet stockings.

“I look like a hooker.”

“My my my. The wayward angel cleans up nicely,” Roxanne said. She looked Jessie up and down appreciatively.

Jessie blushed and looked away, but didn’t try to hide. Roxy was a thirsty punk rock lesbian, but Jessie doubted that she would have gone to such great lengths to attack her of all people.

Besides... I can’t hide from people forever. Not if I want to make it on my own.

“I’m not an angel,” Jessie muttered.

“Angel enough for me,” Roxanne said with a pointed look at Jessie’s legs. “Well, butterfly, unless you want a haircut, this makeover’s finished.”

“No!” Jessie said a little too forcefully. She blushed and repeated, more softly, “No thank you.”

Leon wouldn’t like her hair short.

She felt pathetic, keeping herself the same for him. It cheapened her determination to be independent, but she couldn’t help it. It was all she had left of him.

“For that guy? I swear; hot straight women are the biggest middle finger God ever gave to us lesbians,” she said with a sigh.

Jessie shrugged apologetically. She had no idea how to relate to the struggles of the modern lesbian.

Roxy’s nipples were trying to poke holes through her shirt, but Jessie chose not to mention that particular detail.

Is that because of me? she wondered.

People wouldn’t be so interested in me if they knew how rotten I am inside.

Shaking her head in disappointment, Roxy led the way to the living room. The two women sat cross legged on opposite ends of the couch so they could face each other.

“You’ve got a new space, you’ve got a new look, and now you just need one more little thing before you start calling yourself a grownup,” Roxanne teased.

When Jessie had explained her situation to Roxanne, she had to bend the truth.

In her edited version of events, Leon was her boyfriend, not her brother. And her dad had only molested her a couple times before she ran away, not **** her for years.

Jessie’s version was a lie of necessity, but it was also a wish.

“A car?”

Roxanne laughed. “A car’s just transportation. It can’t get you where you’re going.”

“Isn’t that exactly what a far does?”

“Not when you’ve got an artist’s soul.”

“What?” Sometimes the things Roxy said went right over Jessie’s head.

“Never mind. Getting lost in all that artsy jazz again. That last thing you need is a new job. Unless you’re gonna let me tear my clothes right off of that delicious looking body of yours, I gotta ask you to help with the rent.”

With the way Roxy’s eyes were roaming, Jessie fully believed that the first option was in fact a real option.

Maybe it’s better to have this discussion right now.

“Roxy... there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“Sup?”

“I’m really, super grateful for all this stuff you’re doing for me. I don’t know where I would have ended up last night without you... but I’m still in love with my boyfriend. I can’t like, well... do stuff with you. Do you know what I mean?”

Jessie surprised herself by being unable to say she wasn’t into girls.

Her mind briefly wandered back to that short photoshoot with Ophelia, and the strange thrill she’d gotten when she looked down her shirt. The feel of her breast...

What in the world is going on with me? Am I... gay?

The way her heart pitter-pattered when Leon was around wasn’t a lie, so she couldn’t be gay.

But I could be bi, couldn’t I?

Whatever she was, she wasn’t going to explore it with Roxy. Because she really did love Leon, and she wasn’t anywhere near ready to start a new relationship. She just needed time to focus on herself for a change.

“I feel ya. Wasn’t really expecting you to, but you can’t blame a girl for trying.”

Jessie felt another spaz attack coming on. Confrontation made her anxiety go haywire, and now all these other things were parading around her head too.

Words started racing out before she could filter them.

“And it’s not because you’re not attractive. You’re really cute, er, pretty... ummm, handsome? I have no idea what kind of compliments you like, not that I think you’re different from me or anything I just want to make sure that I’m not being rude so I want it on record that you’re a cute, sexy, handsomely pretty lesbian and I-“

“Uhh... what the hell is happening right now. Are you having a stroke?”

The question only fueled Jessie’s panic. “Oh, oh god, uh, no I’m so sorry I just get dumb and crazy and I can’t stop putting my foot in my mouth so just pretend I’m drunk and shoot me in the head to shut me the hell up or else I’m guaranteed to make a huge fool out of myself like I’m doing right now please kick me out or buy me a casket and-“

“STOP!” Roxy shouted.

Jessie zipped her lips and looked down at her feet awkwardly. “Sorry.”

“Riiiiight. So, does... whatever the hell that was, happen to you often?”

“I’d really, really like to say ‘no’ here, but... yeah, kinda. When I get overwhelmed or anxious I kind of... malfunction.” Jessie refused to look at her.

I’m so getting kicked out for being a psycho.

“That’s wild. Like, really fucking eccentric.”

“I guess so,” Jessie said, steeling herself for the coming blow.

“I like eccentric. Normal people suck.” Roxy said, and Jessie looked up out of sheer surprise.

Roxy’s hand reached out between them like it did when she’d saved her last night. “I need somebody, baby. I need somebody, too. I need somebody, baby. Just like you, just like you, just like you,” Roxy sang with a grin. “You’re here to stay. No sex required, as long as you get yourself a job. There’s just one thing you should know.”

“I-I can stay?!” Jessie asked, and started shaking Roxy’s hand enthusiastically.

“Hey. You listening?”

“Er, yes! Sorry!”

“I can keep my hands to myself just fine, but my eyes and mouth are untamable.”

“Meaning...?”

“Meaning you gotta deal with my eyes wandering and my mouth saying whatever’s on my mind.”

“...As just a friend though, right?”

“As a very horny, very well-behaved lesbian friend.”

A smile accompanied Jessie’s blush. “I can deal with that. I’ll try not to flaunt myself around the house.”

“Ooooo, that’s going to conflict with my strict policy that all total babes must stay completely naked while on the premises.”

The joke drained Jessie’s apprehension away. Roxy was going to be a good roommate, she could tell.

“Guess that explains why you’re not naked,” Jessie quipped back.

“Oh-hoh! The girl’s got jokes!” Roxy chuckled, and broke the handshake.

Joking around like this made Jessie giddy. It let her forget that she wasn’t a normal girl, even if only for a little while.

“Fuck it, I’ll call off practice so we can chill. You can start looking for a job tomorrow,” Roxy said, and grabbed her phone out of her bra.

“Practice?”

“Band practice. I front for a three girl Punk group called the Screaming Meemies.”

“Oh wow that’s so cool! Are you all...”

“Lesbians? You think because I’m a lesbian I have to stick to my own kind or something?”

“NO! I just-“ Jessie started panicking again.

“Save the attack, I’m fucking with you. Yeah, we’re all gay. Gay girls are punk as fuck.”

“Is that why I’m not punk?”

“That, and a billion other reasons.”

Jessie frowned, but then Roxy added, “But you’ll get there.”

Roxy made the call to her bandmates, and then her and Jessie spent the afternoon getting to know each other.

It was scary being on her own now, but she reminded herself that it wasn’t any scarier than the dread she felt when that man came home and opened the door to her room, starting the nightmare all over again.

If she could survive that, she could survive whatever else life threw at her.

Probably.