Revelation

“I want control. Or at least I think I do.” Her voice sounds like she’s not entirely sure that that’s true.

“Is that what you really want Melanie? Alone, by yourself, do you really want only control?”

“I need control. I want freedom.” She lets out a little sigh, the truth of the statement obvious from her physical reaction. Now we’re getting somewhere.

“It felt good to say that, didn’t it?”

“Yes…”

The human mind is always a fascinating place to take a walk. Usually I stomp around in hobnailed steel toes when I do it. This time I was tiptoeing in slippers. This is the long game.

“Tell me about why you need control, Melanie.”

She’s silent for almost a whole minute. I can see the wheels turning as she digs for her answer. “It’s because of my sister.”

“Details, Melanie… it’ll feel so good to tell me all about you and your sister.”

“We’re twins. We’re the same. So I have to keep separate, be me. I need to keep rigid control so I don’t slide back into being her. She’s wild, so I try so hard to be conservative. She does whatever she wants, so I do things to make my father approve of me. I really want my father’s approval. But I can’t ever let him see that I have to fight so hard to be the good daughter and to not be her.”

It’s like a floodgate is opened. She’s pouring out all her secrets, and from the flush rising up her neck she’s getting off on it. On the loss of control… the loss of control… she’s getting off on not being in control.

“Tell me what kind of freedom you want.”

“I want to be able to be me, but being me means being her. I want to be able to relax and let go of my stress but then I stop being in control and being in control means I’m not her.”

I slowly rub her shoulders as I parse what at first seems to be just word salad. Then it clicks. She’s afraid to let herself go, because doing so will put her on the same level as the sister she’s spent the last several years distancing herself from. But she craves letting go. I wonder what Valerie dreams about. I’ll have to find out.

“Very good, Melanie. I know it was hard to tell the truth like that, but doesn’t it feel good to let that out?”

“Mmmmm yeah…”

I pull up a one of Valerie’s Instagram posts and compare the selfie to the sleeping beauty on the table. Usually identical twins aren’t quite identical. One has slightly bigger breasts, one’s nose is microscopically longer. Additionally people go through different traumas that leave an indelible imprint on them. I can’t spot the difference until I see the tattoos. Superficially though, they’re a matched set. And I know what I have to do.

“Melanie, you’d like to be able to relax like this again, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Good, good. I’m going to give you a present, a special phrase that’s only yours. When you hear me, and only me say the words ‘Flip the coin’ you’ll immediately return to this wonderful state of relaxation. How do you feel about that?”

“I like it.”

“Excellent. And when I say the words “that’s our time” you will come back to yourself, but you don’t need to remember this conversation. I’ll remember it for you and you trust me to do that. Isn’t that right?”

“Yeah…”

“But even when you’re awake, you’ll still trust me just like you do now and you’ll still get turned on by telling me the truth.”

“K…”

“You’ll also want me to take over doing your massages from this point on, and you’ll begin to associate your sexual excitement with being close to me.

“Now, I’m going to count down from five to one, and say the words that will bring you back to yourself.

“Five… still feeling so relaxed, so good

“Four… forgetting to remember and remembering to forget.

“Three… feeling refreshed, all tension gone…

“Two… feeling better than you have for as long as you can remember…

“One