Solve one of life's great mysteries

"What should we try with it?" Kevin asked, looking the machine over. He was fairly average, with short red hair, green eyes, and pale skin with plenty of freckles. He was wearing a black t-shirt and jeans.

Michael was almost the opposite from an aesthetic standpoint. He had shaggy black hair, naturally tan skin, and was a little on the pudgy side. He wore a plain white t-shirt and black basketball shorts. He was pacing, rubbing his chin.

"Isn't it obvious, dude?" Kevin asked. "This is an amazing opportunity! We use this thing, we can get all the chicks we want."

Kevin looked the machine over, shrugging. "I guess. What, do we just make ourselves super buff or something?"

"I mean... probably?" Michael asked. "Girls like muscular guys, right?"

"I... guess? Probably?"

Both guys paused, looking at each other, then back to the machine. After a few moments, Michael clapped his hands. "I've got it! One of us goes in, turns into a chick, then they can explain what'd turn them on in a guy. Then we just change ourselves to that."

"That seems like it's... complicated," Kevin said.

"It'll work though! So, you wanna hop in?"

"What? Me?" Kevin asked. "I don't want to be a girl!"

"Me either!" Michael said. "But I found the machine, so I should get to make the call on who has to."

"Fuck that."

"Fine, fine. How about rock paper scissors?"

Kevin looked at the machine, then sighed. "Okay, I guess..."