Then and Now

I sometimes wonder what goes through their minds at the point when they realise how helpless they are. Do they wonder why this is happening? Do they remember me and realise? Do they think of me at all, or their other victims? Or was I just such a tiny part of their history that I’m forgotten completely.

I think of you every day. All of you, and I look forward to playing with you.

It’s true, I must have been pretty annoying back then. I didn’t even know who I was, and I suppose I was looking for somebody to help me work that out. I feel embarrassed, remembering hanging around hoping for you to notice me, to accept me as one of you.

Now I wish you’d never noticed me at all.

But what happened changed me, filled me with a purpose. It’s taken a long time to get to this position where I can finally show you how it felt. A lot of hard work, planning every day. Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve achieved has only been to bring me closer to this.

You idiots are putting your entire lives on social media. I know more about you than you do yourselves. I know where you eat, where you sleep. I know what you want from your lives, from your partners, from your friends. And I know what you are afraid of and how to use all of this against you. Just like you knew all this about me.

I could destroy each of you, but I wont. It would be easy to annihilate you but I only want to take a little thing from you, and I know exactly how to do it.

I shared my soul with you back then, hoping that you would love me. I shared myself in the same way you share yourselves with the internet now.

The first time, I was devastated by the cruelty but I still thought maybe, if I kept playing along, perhaps you’d accept me, let me in. I didn’t understand.

I loved you. I loved you all. Or I thought I did. This one, Jessie. She was there that first time, standing to your side and laughing. She was a part of your crew, and I still don’t know why she was good enough and I wasn’t.

I remember that party, I remember the sound of music through the wall and the smell of flowers in your room. I remember the soft sheets as we sat on your bed and the lovely things you said to me. I remember the taste of your lips as we kissed and the way my heart beat so hard and fast as you undressed me.

I remember the sound of laughter as they burst into the room. I wanted you to protect me, to shield me from them, but you laughed too. I remember the fear as my hands were tied behind my back and my legs were spread. The permanent marker and the words and drawings on my flesh. The photographs and videos. The excitement as I was spanked and my skin was pinched, and the elation as you told me that I belonged to you and that I would do exactly what you told me from now on. If I was good, you’d reward me, you said. If I was bad, you’d punish me. It felt so good to be the centre of your attention.

Anyway, enough about her. Her time will come. This is all about you now, Jessie. It's easy to make people do what you want with rewards or punishment. Look at this guy, Tom, as he straps you in to your game. He came to work at one of my companies just a year ago, and he’ll do anything I want him to now. Same with the others, who entered your home and took you in the van to your office. I knew you’d like Tom and I knew exactly how to seduce you.

I learned a lot about control, and coercion, and humiliation. I learned this from all of you. But I’m not unfair like you were. You have a chance, otherwise it wouldn’t be a very good game, would it? And I also know that you are going to actually quite enjoy your game, and that however this goes you won’t ever stop thinking about it and you won’t stop yearning for the feelings you are about to experience.

It’s time for me to get into character. Tom has removed your gag and blindfold, and I see you on the screen in front of me, trying to work out what’s going on. Why are you strapped to this thing on the table in your own meeting room? I see the fear and confusion in your eyes, and for a second you remind me of me.

Tom, with his broad shoulders and confident swagger, leaves the room and it’s just you and me. I lean forward and speak into the microphone.

‘Hello Jessie,’ I say. ‘I want to play a game.’