Unexpected Meet

Monday after school, I headed to the library by myself. Emma never texted to say she was going to meet me there today, so I figured I would be studying by myself. I felt conflicted. On one hand, I wanted to know how she thought she did on her test. On the flip side, I wasn’t sure how I was going to face her. I’d looked at that photo for a long time. Did more than that, actually. It wasn’t something I was proud of, but it happened and I would have to live with the consequences. There were plenty of girls I’d masturbated to thanks to the internet, but this was the first one I knew personally. Thinking about it made me feel guilty.

Then again, wasn’t that why she’d sent it? Clearly there was some expection there. She told me to enjoy after all.

I wasn’t sure if that made me feel better or worse.

Finding my place in the library, I got out my physics packet and got to work. I was a half-dozen problems in when movement caught my eye. Looking up, I was surprised to see Emma sliding into the seat across from me. She gave me a big smile as she brushed the hair from her face.

“Afternoon, Isaac.”

“E-Emma,” I managed to say after clearing my throat. “I uh… wasn’t expecting you today.”

She paused. “That a problem?” I quickly shook my head and she continued unpacking her backpack. “Cool. I have to say, you really saved my ass today. Mrs. Caldwell’s test was brutal. If you hadn’t helped me out, I’d have flunked it.”

A genuine smile formed. “Glad to hear it.”

Her blue eyes met mine as she grinned. “How about that little reward I sent? Put it to good use?” she asked with a wink.

My lungs froze for a second. She just… came out and said it as if it were no big deal. The innocent smile she gave me was impossible to read.

“I uh… That is… I didn’t—”

“Didn’t what?” she asked, immediately pouncing on my slip. There was no malice or anger. The opposite actually. Her head tilted slightly as she held her smile in place, watching and waiting for my answer.

“Nothing,” I muttered, face burning. It was obvious I was lying. I was too off-balance to attempt to clamp down on my expression.

“Hmm… Was it a bad picture?”

“No!” I immediately clamped my hand over my mouth. That was a lot louder than I intended. “It… wasn’t.”

Leaning in, the innocent aura she was putting out morphed into one of a teasing imp. “How many times did you jack off to it?”

My heart felt like it wasn’t beating as the world seemed to dim as the panic set in. She didn’t know that. All I needed to do was lie and say I didn’t. I couldn’t look at her though, the guilt of what I’d done weighing on me. More than my own feelings, whatever innocence I thought she had was thoroughly shattered.

“If you tell me the truth, I’ll send you another tonight.” I looked up quickly to find a mischievous glint in her eyes. I was confused about what was happening, expecting her to get angry or disgusted at the prospect of someone masturbating to a photo of her—especially a guy she barely knew. Not Emma though. She looked like she was enjoying this immensely.

I held up my hand, fingers extended. My eyes didn’t meet hers though. The embarrassment was too much.

“Three times?” Sitting back, she giggled softly. “For that shitty thing? Wow. I’m flattered.”

“S-Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m glad you liked it. Most guys get pissy when I still have clothes on.” I didn’t have time to digest that as she leaned forward, her voice low. “So you want another one tonight?” Silence lingered as the angel and devil wrestled on my shoulders. I should say no. I knew I should. Too bad the angel sent to argue the moral case was shit because I found myself nodding before too long. “Going to have to say it.” I looked up to meet her eyes. “I want to hear you say it.”

Clearing my throat, I looked around. “I—I want another picture.”

Smiling, she leaned back. “See? That wasn’t too hard.”

Easy for her to say. My heart was hammering against my chest and it was making me dizzy. The library was also uncomfortably warm.

“Okay!” she said cheerfully as she resumed getting things out of her bag. “I was looking over the math assignment I need to do, and I have some questions.”

I stared at her for a few seconds before I closed my packet and took the offered sheets of paper. Emma’s ability to shift from one thing to the next was astounding. My mind was still processing how she’d agreed to send another picture tonight and pivoted back to talking about school like that crazy conversation had never happened. I desperately wanted to ask her why. Why did she send me that photo, or why she was so carefree in sending me another tonight? It didn’t seem realistic that she was only doing it as a thanks. Buying me a coffee or something seemed appropriate, but a borderline nude photo? That was ****.

It was hard to think about anything else but that. My brain hand hung up on the question of why and no matter what I did, that pesky question wouldn’t go away. Even after we finished our homework and went our separate ways, I couldn’t shake the thought free. The longer my mind worked at it, the greater the fantasy became.

It wasn’t long at all before I was wondering how she felt about me. That was a dangerous hope to nurture, and I knew it. The problem with hope was that once it had a foothold, it was an absolute bitch to root out. No matter how much my rational mind squelched the thought, it always grew back with a simple, ‘What if…’