No, Lois Is Turned On By Trans, But Doesn't Want To Be One

"No! I don't want to be trans. I'm happy as a woman, I'm just..." the naked reporter sighed, upset at herself for having to discuss this with Lex Luthor of all people. "...I'm just attracted to them, okay? I'm perfectly comfortable with my own gender and sexuality."

"Interesting," Lex's voice rumbled from the speakers. "Because one of the goals of this little project you've stumbled onto is specifically to help transgender people in their transition."

Lois frowned. "How is that?"

"Subjects...including yourself...are inoculated with a retrovirus that grafts a bit of Kryptonian DNA into their cells. You can probably feel it...increased body temperature, a bit of nausea? Easy to mistake for the first stage of **** intoxication, or an oncoming cold. The infection won't give you any superpowers, I'm afraid, but it does make the subjects susceptible to the effects of Kryptonite...including Red Kryptonite."

The reporter's eyes went wide. Over the years, she had seen the weird transformations that Red Kryptonite had played on Superman...everything from turning him evil to making him grow two heads!

"How the heck is that supposed to help trans people?" Lois asked.

"LexCorp has stockpiled many different kinds of Red Kryptonite...including varieties that can augment certain sexual characteristics, including effecting a total gender switch." Lex said.

"But...doesn't Kryptonite only last for 48 hours?" The reporter asked.

"Normally, yes. Which is why we're working on extending that duration. I've developed an artificial form of Kryptonite that I believe can 'fix' the effects of a Red Kryptonite transformation. But, we need to test it...which is where you come in."

Lois Lane opened and closed her mouth as she realized what Lex was asking.

"No. Absolutely not. I'm not going to be your guinea pig for..."

"You would be helping hundreds of transgender people live better. And you will, of course, be fully compensated for your trouble...let us say, half a million dollars. Plus, you will be given exclusive access to the project and all test subjects, quite a journalistic coup," he paused. "And, of course, I will allow you to decide which Red Kryptonite transformation you wish. Nothing harmful."

Lois chewed her lip. She didn't like any of this.