A Long Shot

To be honest John didn’t really believe the note. If it was true it was true but he wasn’t gonna be the one to waste an opportunity. He figured why not try to get something impossible for who knows maybe just a pile of dirt. John walked back through the woods to get back to the main area of the park.

John spotted the perfect opportunity. There appeared to be a wedding going on between a ebony beauty with a ghetto booty and some large tits and a muscular man with a buzz cut. The groom looked like he was in the army. John looked at the small gathering and immediately knew no one he was acquainted with was in the crowd.

John slowly but surely mocked up the courage to pull through with a plan. He was probably about to get his ass kicked but it was the only test he could think of. John walked behind the altar where the bride and groom were standing and yelled “Mr. Groom I’ll trade you this pile of dirt for your spot in the marriage!” Everyone turned to look in John’s direction. John thought to himself after receiving no response “Whelp guess I’m dead.” Then as if light of the heavens shined down the groom shrugged his shoulders and walked over to John

The man looks at John and says “Okay that’s fair.” and takes the pile of dirt from your hands and walks away.

John was bewildered and wasn’t sure what to do until the priest and everyone in the crowd started waving for him to come over. John was hesitant but made his way to the altar. “Was this really happening?” He thought to himself.

When John was now in front of the Ebony bride the priest continued. “Now that the interruptions are completed I will proceed. You may now kiss the bride.” The Ebony beauty took the first step and hers and John’s lips met. The kiss wasn’t one between strangers it was definitely a lovers kiss. The ebony beauty broke the kiss and said “I love you! I love you so much and I’ll definitely show you on our honeymoon in Hawaii!”

Everyone in the crowd was cheering John was just confused now. A couple of guys approached John after the bride was taken away by some of the girls. “So John, you lucky son of a bitch you pulled the knot with Thai the untouchable.” John didn’t know who these guys were so he figured he would ask.

“Sorry who are you guys again? Slipped my mind.” John asked

The guys looked at one another and laughed. “Well obviously we are your best men you kinda chose us dude.”

John nodded “Okay, good to know now if you will excuse me I gotta get some air.” John didn’t know all the implications this ring had and now he was married literally 10 minutes after finding it.

Suddenly a woman in her thirties bumped into John somewhat setting him off. “Why don’t you fuck off and you can give me a blowjob later in one of these fucking port-a-potty’s bitch.”

The woman nodded “Okay let me know when I can give you the blowjob.” She then trotted off.

John didn’t know what to do. This ring was so complex what was it doing to the reality. He decided the best thing to do was call his mom. But first, he slipped the ring off his finger he didn’t want any mistakes.

The phone rang twice and then John’s mom answered. “Oh my! You still have time for your little old mom mr. newly wed?” John didn’t know how she knew so he was set on finding out. “Mom how do you know I just got married?” There was a moment of silence and then…”Well honey you and Thai have been talking about it for a couple months now.” John just hung up the phone.