Mess with another straight guy.

You reflect on what you've done to the two men. When **** to choose between doing something gay and having people think they're gay, they chose the former. But you're curious about the option you haven't explored yet: what if you were to take the most aggressively straight guy you know, and change how people look at him?

You wander around campus until you find just the guy. His name is Will, and he's a member of the swim team. You've overheard him boasting about his escapades to the other swimmers, and you start to plan a makeover for him.

Right now, he's on his way to class, dressed in a tank top and jeans. You stop him and say, "Hey, Will, would you rather sit down and answer all my questions, or answer all my questions right here?"

"I've kind of got somewhere to be, but we can talk. What's up?"

"I'm doing a survey for class. It's about different attitudes towards LGBT people. Could you answer a couple questions?"

"I'll tell you right now, I don't really care about all that stuff. Like, people can do what they want, but I'm straight. I don't want anything to do with it."

"There are some specific questions I'd like you to answer. The first one is, would you rather be gay or bisexual?"

"Isn't it all the same thing?"

"No. Bisexuals are attracted to women as well as men."

"Okay, I'd rather be that, then."

Of course he doesn't notice the change at first, but you'll make him aware by the time the conversation ends. For now, there's something else you'd like to ask him.

"During the summer, would you rather go swimming twice a week, or every day?"

"Wait, wasn't this a survey about gay people? I mean, I already go swimming every day, so I'd go with that, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, if you were gay, then going swimming would be a great time to show off your body to other men, wouldn't it? So we're including questions about swimming as well. The next question is whether you'd rather wear a frilly bikini every time you swim, or a rainbow speedo?"

"Woah, woah, woah. Now I'm not gay, so I wouldn't do either. But if I had to, I'd wear the speedo."

You decide it's time to make him aware of the power of his answers. You ask, "Would you rather have rainbow-colored hair down to your waist, or a cute purple bob cut?"

"What the fuck kind of survey are you doing? Obviously I'd want shorter hair, but I would just shave it off after."

Immediately, Will shouts and grabs his head. His short, brown hair starts to grow and lighten until it falls gently over his eyebrows.

"What the fuck?" he says. "My hair actually turned fucking purple?"

"Yeah, it's kind of a power I have. When I ask 'would you rather' questions, the option the person picks comes true. And you chose to have purple hair, so..."

"So wait, that stuff about asking me if I'd rather be gay—"

"Yep! You're bisexual now. Also, every day in the summer, you're gonna go swimming in a rainbow speedo. Cute, huh?"

"Why the fuck are you doing this? You have a crush on me?"

"I might by the time we're done," you say. "Next, let's talk about your wardrobe: during the summer, would you rather wear nothing but crop tops and booty shorts, or nothing but the speedo?"

"Jesus, man, at least let me cover my shit a little," he says. All at once, his tank top and jeans start to shrink, revealing his slender legs and swimmer's abs.

You take a step back to admire his new look, but he's too busy trying to cover up, uselessly trying to stretch the legs of his shorts without pulling them down altogether. In the process, you catch a glimpse of a pair of red briefs.

"Fuck, man," he says, reminding you that there's one more thing you ought to change before you move on.

"Would you rather have a gay voice or a woman's voice?"

"Man's voice. I ought to kick the shit out of youuuuu—" The last syllable stretches out as his voice raises in pitch. "Ohmigod, you can't fucking do this!" he whines and pouts. "Whatever, I'm still gonna kick your ass!"

With that voice, it's hard to take the threat seriously, but you still need to stop him from attacking you, so you say, "Would you rather like me too much to hurt me, or be too weak to hurt me?"

For once, Will hesitates to make a choice. After everything you've done to him, for him to start liking you would quite possibly break him. On the other hand, if he chooses the second option, he can kiss his swimming career goodbye.

"Not... weak," he moans. Evidently he thinks that his athletics will let him regain some of his lost masculinity.

"Alright, then!" you say. "And since you like me so much, I'm sure you won't tell anyone what I did to you?"

"I... I won't," he says, shaking his head demurely.

"Good boy." You tousle Will's hair and smile, wondering what you'll do next.