LT Day 10 - Talk to her

You are sure you will regret this, but... you can't not do it.

You walk past the girls in swimsuits instead of staring at them, going toward Lotte, who looks up at you with a new face: one with no emotion. In the past she's always had something in mind, but that's now how it is anymore. She looks drained.

You start to sit down, but she speaks up.

"I am sorry," she says in her accented English, but the look she's giving you is unfriendly. Of course it is. She's not happy, and that's pretty normal for the situation that she's in.

You aren't sure what you were going to say.

"I just want to be normal and play soccer," you tell her honestly. "Can we do that?"

Her eye twitches. "Yes," she says. "I would like to be alone," she adds.

"OK." You back off, then turn and walk away. Oddly, you feel better. You feel more free, but also a little sorry. There was definitely something there. As toxic as Lotte is, she's also beautiful, and even if it hadn't been a healthy thing, there had definitely been some chemistry between you. She's obviously not good at expressing her feelings, but she has them, just like you. You get a chill when you think about the things she did, but when you think about the sex you get a tingle through your whole body. It feels like that was a once in a lifetime thing, but... you can't change it.

It's all just strange and confusing. You head back to your team, and soon it's time for dinner. The food's bad, but everyone is so worn out... or so it seems. After dinner, as it's getting dark, the counselors build a fire for each team outside, and thoughtfully provide plenty of beer. It's not the luxury of the Lodge, but... it's not so bad. You sit with the girls as they try to figure out what to do with no phones and nowhere to go, but the beer helps, and the counselors join in.

You see Lotte with her team, not talking to anyone and no one talking to her. She has a beer in her hand. She's wearing the same outfit as you: running shorts and a t-shirt, but her glossy, bountiful blonde hair is shining in the firelight. She looks like something out of a painting in a museum.

You know that it's irrational, but you fantasize about what could have been. You picture yourself with this beautiful, dutch girlfriend... but for that to be reality, she would've had to be a completely different person. You drink more beer. Too much beer.

The campfire quickly becomes a party and somehow, the counselor named Claudette ends up in your lap. You weren't even paying attention. Are they playing truth or dare? You're pretty drunk. And Claudette... she's small and cute, and she smells like sunscreen. She's a little shy, but you're not. You boldly put your arms around her and rest your chin on her shoulder, cheek to cheek with her as the other girls go on with their stupidity.

You didn't realize that you needed a hug, but you have to settle for hugging someone.