Pre-flight checks.

‘What even is my life right now?’ I sigh, looking down at the harpy firmly ensconced in my lap. Noticing my attention on her, she smiles up at me beatifically, entirely unaware or uncaring of the grease freely running down her chin. Sighing harder, I offer her the skewer of meat again, and she chomps down on it, humming happily. I look around camp at my family, searching their faces for any form of support, but only finding the same wry amusement they’d been giving the pair of us all afternoon. ‘And what a strange afternoon it’s been.’

The rain, apparently satisfied that it’d soaked the lot of us to the skin, had first slowed, then stopped not long after the brief tussle. By that point, the girls were finished looting, and we were back amongst the trees. We trudged onwards. My family, concerned for me and my burden, offered to look for a place to stop early. I declined the offer, wanting to put some distance between us and site of the skirmish. Whilst not light as a feather, the harpy didn’t weigh all that much.

Speaking of which, roughly twenty minutes after we set out, our harpy friend jerked awake in my arms. She looked up at me, wide eyed, and I was suddenly incredibly conscious of her razor-sharp talons. I froze, holding the bird-woman in front of me in the same way I imagine someone would hold an unexploded bomb, entirely unsure of what to do.

That’s why I was rather taken aback when, after her initial shock passed, the harpy’s face split into a wide, guileless smile. Before I understood what was happening, she’d nuzzled her head into my chest, trilling happily. Thus began the strange(st) portion of one of the weirdest afternoons of my life (so far).

My family seemed to find the whole ordeal hilarious, laughing at my nonplussed expression as I carried the increasingly affectionate bird-woman and peppering me with helpful comments such as, “well if you weren’t ready to take on the responsibility of looking after her, you shouldn’t have brought her home,” and, “harpies are for life, you know, not just for whatever day of the week today is.”

I only tried to put her down once. She’d squawked indignantly at me, then pouted something fierce. Letting out the first sigh of many that afternoon, I’d scooped the adorable pain in my ass back up into my arms, choosing to ignore her triumphant smile. My steadfast party naturally sided with her on this, no doubt helped along by the fact that our new friend was admittedly cute as a button.

Eventually we’d spotted a small rise in the land and, a little worried about flooding, decided to set up camp there. The bundle of feathers finally consented to being put down, only to follow us around curiously whilst we set up camp, those piercing blue eyes watching everything we did with deep interest. I was happy to find out that, whist our new guest acted a little wearily towards Em and Mum, she seemed just as affectionate towards Ash and Lisa as she was with me.

Em grumped at that, but seemed mollified when I took advantage of the new PDA policy to scoop her up for a deep, lingering kiss. Naturally, showing Em some love meant that I had to do the same with the rest of my wonderful girlfriends. It was only fair, after all. I was probably the only one who missed our new guests’ hopeful look turn to a look of disappointment when, after I’d kissed all four of my girlfriends, I’d walked up to, then around her, mind on something else.

Unsure what a harpy could and couldn’t eat from the food we’d brought from home; we’d kept things simple with ‘locally sourced’ meat skewers. Em’s first Cooking Perk let her study an ingredient and gain differing amounts of information on how to prep it, different recipes in which it could be used, and other such information. Probably the most help for us was the Perk’s ability to determine if something was safe to eat, a handy trick to have for life on another world. Turns out, not only is Screamer Beast meat edible, it’s also delicious, even if it does smell a little funky.

Whilst I feed our guest (who is more than capable of feeding herself, by the way), I spare an occasional glance to the other side of the fire, where the other four members of the Hill family are sat in a huddle, heads together as they discuss something. ‘That’s probably not good.’ Deciding the best plan was probably to let them talk, I leave them be. Left to my own devices, I run through today’s events in my head.

‘So, new rule, copy all healing magic as soon as possible, even if that takes time. It’s a damned good thing I got that Mana pool upgrade, because if I hadn’t, today would have ended very differently. We got a spell specifically designed to stop bleeding; it was bloody stupid of me not to learn it when I had the chance. Still, we live, and we learn.’

I’m soon lost in my own thoughts, considering both the positives and negatives of the last few hours. Apparently, I was well and truly down the rabbit hole, because it’s not until I feel a hand on my shoulder lightly shaking me that I return to the land of the living. Eyes focusing, I look up to see Ash and Em standing over me, both sporting looks of intense amusement. Sheepishly, I say, “errrrr, hey?”

Both women grin at each other, then Ash says, “I swear, a beautiful woman on your lap and you get lost in thought. At least it looks like you know how to keep a girl happy, even when you’re away with the fairies.” Her point is made when I feel movement in my lap. Looking down, I see one thoroughly blissed out harpy, practically putty in my hands. Apparently, harpies enjoy shoulder rubs just as much as everyone else, even if they were performed whilst on autopilot. Who knew?

As if on cue, she chirps at me, probably wondering why I’d stopped. Shrugging, I go back to massaging her slender shoulders, smiling when she lets out a soft and incredibly relaxed ‘coo’, then return my attention to my sisters. “I do what I can. If you sat in my lap more often, maybe you’d get more massages.” Both girls chuckle, and Em says, “definitely going to remember that.”

The conversation trails off for a moment, and I look between my sisters. Despite their joking, both seem a little nervous. Tentatively, I ask, “is everything ok? You know if you need to talk to me about something, I’m more than happy to listen.” It’s Ash who answers. She reaches for Emily’s hand, and, in an uncharacteristically nervous voice, says, “listen, Adam.” (‘Defcon 4’) "We both love you, we really do," (‘Defcon 3!’) “but,” (‘DEFCON 2!!!’) she pauses, swallows nervously, then finishes all in a rush “EmandIweresortofhopingthatforourfirsttimetogetheritcouldbejustthetwoofus.”

I mentally translate the steam of words (Em and I were sort of hoping that for our first time together it could be just the two of us), then let out a little sigh of relief. ‘Oh thank god.’ Misinterpreting my silence for something negative, Em hastens to add, “It’s not like we’re trying to exclude you or anything, honest! We… agreed that we want our proper first times with you to be one on one too.” Smiling, I hold up a hand to forestall any further comments. “That’s totally fine guys, don’t worry about it. Less worrying about me, and more enjoying yourself, yeah?”

Both woman’s sigh in relief, smiles returning to their faces. “Thanks Adam, you’re the best.” Leaning in to lay a kiss on my lips, Ash then whispers to me, “don’t think we’ll be excluding you every time. I, for one, am very much looking forward to teaming up on our little sister.” Grinning back, I reply, “now that sounds like fun.” Ash withdraws, and Em takes her place. After a brief kiss, Ash leads Em by the hand towards a tent, before the pair slip inside.

I turn back around, smiling softly as I see the grin on Mum’s face and the blush on Lisa’s. Before I can say anything to the pair, however, I am suddenly incredibly distracted by something else. The thought of Ash and Em enjoying some good ol’ sapphic time together is wonderfully enticing, enough, at the very least, to get a ‘rise’ out of me. A raging erection caused by the thought of my sisters fucking is less of a problem, and more of a certainty. No, my problem is the harpy in my lap, the harpy staring intensely at me over her shoulder with ‘fuck me’ eyes, whilst enthusiastically rubbing her ass against said raging erection.

I bite my lip, stifling the moan that attempts to slip free as I battle my urges. As horny as having an obviously willing harpy in my lap is making me, two things hold me back. First, whist a perfect opportunity to complete my Quest for Abby was literally writhing around in my lap, I wasn’t about to do anything without everyone’s say-so.

Second, and by far more important, is the fact that I have no idea how old this woman is. Is she sexually mature for her species? Fucked if I know! ‘She’s obviously intelligent, but without a way to communicate, I’ve not no way to ask.’ I brace, prepared to move the horny harpy out of my lap, when a notification pops up.

0----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------0

This is a pre-recorded message from the super-enigmatic Lust deity who graciously deemed you worthy of undertaking a Quest. If you’re reading this, you really, really want to fuck someone, but aren’t sure if they are old enough to satisfy your minimum age requirement (currently set to 18 Earth standard years for humans).

Fear not, horny traveller! Simply use your Medical Scan Ability. If they are human, and meet your age requirement, or if they are something else, and meet the equivalent age requirement for their species (kinky!), their scan results will include the Sexual Analysis section. If they are too young, or otherwise don’t pass the ever-important Harkness test, you’ll just receive medical results, simple! You are so very welcome!

Bee Tee Dubs, I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but even if they are old enough, Analysis results won’t include a Sexual Analysis section in the middle of combat. Time and a place, bub, time and a place.

0----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------0

‘Well, that answers that question.’ Focusing on the harpy, I activate Medical Analysis, more than ready to pitch her out of my lap if the report lacked the all-important section. I needn’t have worried.

0----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------0

Medical Analysis activated…

Analysis successful

0----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------0

‘What makes harpy fertility different from normal fertility?’ curious, I focus on the words. Just like last time, a tool-tip pops up.

0----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------0

Harpy Fertility: Compared to most sentient creatures, the lusty harpies are notoriously fertile. Harpies are in fact so fertile that by even considering fucking one, you’ve probably already got her pregnant.

0----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------0

So, both old enough and, if the constant grinding hadn’t already made her thoughts on the subject crystal clear, down to fuck. “Fuuuck, she’s really going for it, isn’t she?” Surprised by both the comment itself and well as the lustful way it's spoken, I look over at Mum. Her eyes are locked on the harpy, her face flushed. I glance over at Lisa, who’s similarly enthralled.

Seeing the conflicted look on my face, Mum laughs breathily, then says, “what did you think we were all talking about earlier? It’s been clear from the time she woke up that she’s **** to fuck you, and we’ve all agreed to let her. On one condition, that is.” Swallowing past the sudden lump in my throat, I hoarsely ask, “And what’s that?” Mum merely smiles, a wide, lusty grin then sends shivers down my spine, then glances over towards Lisa, who’s turned a rather interesting shade of crimson.

‘Wha…? Ooooooooooh.’ Now with a grin of my own, I reply, “Ok, so I have an audience. I am more than ok with that. In fact, if the audience wants to participate, all they need to do is ask.” Mum chuckles at the comment, especially when Lisa somehow blushes even harder. I can’t help the small frown that flits across my face, however, when Lisa refuses to meet my eyes.

Turning my full attention to her, I say, “hey, real talk. We all like what we like. None of us are in any position to judge anyone's fetish, and even if we were, none of us would. Hell, if anything, I must have a bit of an exhibitionist streak, because the thought of you getting off on watching me fuck this slutty little harpy,” (a comment punctuated by a squeak as I give the harpy’s rear an experimental swat) “has really got me going.”

My heart lifts when I see Lisa’s grateful expression, then does so again when Mum wraps an arm around her daughter, kisses her on the cheek, then says, “see, Honey? You have nothing to worry about.” I give them a little time to have their moment, and would’ve given them longer if my soon-to-be fuck buddy wasn’t getting really insistent. Scooping the wiggling harpy up in my arm’s, I say, “shall we?”

Lisa and Mum share one last quick (but incredibly heated) kiss before Mum waves us off. “I’ve got the watch, you three go have fun.” Grinning ear to ear, I carry the horny harpy towards the second tent, Lisa following along in our wake.