Pop goes the goblin.

I could see the hateful creature in the back of their group, jogging along behind the rest of the goblins, and glaring daggers at our little party. The goblin shaman (‘or mage? Not so sure on the nomenclature vis-à-vis goblin spellcasters… focus, Adam!’). The spellcaster is slightly scrawnier than its rest of its kin, but is still keeping up, mostly.

Not helping matters is the disproportionately large staff clutched in both of the goblins' hands. The weapon, clearly sized for a tall human, would have looked ridiculous in comparison to its weilder, if it weren't for one thing. The staff is probably one of the most intimidating weapons I’ve ever seen.

The material of the handle is bleach white and has the grainy consistency of bone, periodically covered in bands of black runes. Attached to the top of the staff by finger-like protrusions of the white wood sits the skull of some sort of three eyed beast, and held in that beast's jaw is a black gemstone the size of my balled fist. What really raises my hackles, however, is what can only be described as an aura of ‘wrongness’ that seems to roil off the weapon in waves.

At a bark from the mage, the band of goblins slows to a stop around 40 metres from the stream, well out of the range of our spells, but still with bow range. The mage then steps forward, and we hold are breath... only to let in out in a rush as the mage stands in what it probably thinks is an intimidating pose, and begins to grandstand. At least that's what I think's going on? For some reason, my Gift of Gab Perk fails to proc, and if the confused looks on the faces of my party are anything to go by, it’s the same story for them.

'Speaking of which...' I raise a fist, reigning in our overeager archers. Ash and Lisa have their bows drawn and were clearly about to fire. I glance over my shoulder and see both girls looking at me uncertainly. At my mouthed response of ‘Mana’ to their unasked question, the pair nod, before returning their attention to our opponents. If this little prick wanted to give us more time to replenish lost MP, who was I to stop them?

The goblin continues to gesticulate wildly at our increasingly baffled party. All the while, the rest of the goblins shuffle from foot to foot and watch our party, clearly ready to throw down at a moment's notice. I watch right the hell back, my temper flaring at the increasingly lusty looks levelled at the girls. A flicker in my HUD catches my attention. Lisa’s stamina bar is slowly draining.

I glance back at her, concerned, only to find her eyes locked on the shaman, arrow nocked and bow drawn. I look back at the shaman, only to find the irate creature shaking a fist at us. Had it only just realised that we didn’t understand a single word of its speech? Whatever the case, the goblin grabs its staff in both hands, raises it into the air, and begins to chant, the very words themselves sending shivers down my spine.

Whatever this new language is, it sure as hell isn’t the language that the goblin had been monologuing in. The first language had sounded harsh to our ears, but that probably had more to do with the speaker than the language itself. This second one, however, felt wrong. In fact, it felt wrong in the same way the staff felt wrong, almost like it wasn’t meant to be heard by human ears.

I slip into Mana sight, and watch in growing alarm as a complex spell formation forms around the staff, the runes spinning and writhing in such a way to make them nearly incomprehensible. Dark tendrils of Mana spill from the staff, hanging suspended in the air like the tentacles of some prowling monster. I drop my raised fist, and a twang off to my left sounds as Ash fires her shortbow at the mage. The missle barrels towards its target, only for it to be deflected at the last moment by a dome of glimmering energy that snaps into being around the goblin, connected to a ring on the goblin's finger by a visible trail of Mana.

The goblin grins smugly at us, continuing its incantation. Ever so slowly, the tendrils of black Mana gathered around the staff twitch, before inching inexorably towards the bodies of the first goblin party. ‘Fuck! It’s going to raise the corpses! Someone needs to stop that spell! Why hasn't Lisa...’ my thought is interrupted as a tremendous crack rings out throughout the forest, more akin to a rifle shot than the firing of a bow.

An arrow streaks past on my right, impossibly fast, and I watch in awe as the projectile strikes the goblin's shield. Cracks spiderweb from the point of impact, before the shield finally buckles. The goblin’s incantation comes to a screeching halt, and it grabs uselessly at the arrow now lodged in its throat. The Shaman tries to speak, **** to finish its incantation, but all it can manage is a gurgle. I see the creatures’ eyes widen in fear, before the goblin’s spell formation shatters, and the incomplete spell rushes back towards its caster. The spell backlash is rather… explosive.

The goblins quietly watch in what is probably horror as chunks of their former leader rain around them. There’s a moment, a feeling in the air that things could go either way, that the rest of the goblins were either going to flee, or going to charge. They eye us, expressions full of loathing and more than a little fear. The moment passes, and the goblin archer raises a hand, before bringing it down sharply and shouting a single word. I don’t need my Gift of Gab to know that the shout is an order to charge.

“Ready spells! Ash, Lisa, drop that archer!” I drop Mana sight, all the while channelling a Minor Ice Spike into my offhand. A quick glance at my interface shows Lisa stamina bar blinking, almost fully empty. ‘Whatever the hell she used to get past that shield must have really drained her!’ I glace over my should at Lisa, concerned, and it seems my concerns are justified. Lisa sways from side to side, barely keeping on her feet. Her eyes meet mine, and she mumbles, “I’ll be fine, I just need a minute.” I nod in response and return my attention to the approaching goblins. She took out the mage, but it was clear to me that she was out if the fight for the time being too.

The thunk of a bow and a subsequent squeal from behind the line of charging goblins suggested the archer is no longer a problem. My focus shifts to my target, a rather short goblin (even by goblin standards) wielding what at some point might have been a mace. The creature rushes towards me, yelling incomprehensibly with its weapon raised above its head. I hold my ground, waiting patiently for the sweet spot where ‘magic no’ turns to ‘magic yes’.

‘Now!’ The wave of goblins enters our spell range, and we let our magic fly. This time, the effect of our initial attack is considerably more pronounced, the first row of goblins letting out yelps of pain as they are struck by blasts of ice, fire and earth. Before my first spell has even struck its target, my hands are flowing through the gestures of the second. A second wave of spells, staggered compared to the coordination of the first, rush out to meet our onrushing enemies. I have just enough time to fire off a Minor Ice Bolt, taking advantage of the shorter cast time, before I brace for the oncoming attack with my spear.

The goblin ahead of me, already heavily injured thanks to my barrage of ice, garbles a war-cry then jumps into the stream, only to slip on the slick streambed. The unfortunate goblin almost pitches over backwards, over-corrects, and tips forwards instead, its arms flailing. I capitalise on the opportunity and spring forward, plunging my spear through the creature’s neck.

I reset, withdrawing my spear from the now dead goblin. At least that’s what I attempt to do. Unfortunately for me, I discover that with spears, sometimes less is more. The head of my weapon refuses to leave the goblin's neck, and instead of withdrawing the spearhead cleanly, I have to spend a few precious seconds Sparta-kicking the dead goblin off the end of my weapon. I take the moment of rest to glance to my left and am truly impressed when I see that Mum is successfully holding off three of the goblins like some Amazonian badass.

I am almost fully reset, ready to take on another goblin, when a feeling of abject dread flows through my body, originating from a point on my right side of my lower torso. Trusting the instinct, I spring to my left, and wince as the head of a goblin's spear gouges a line in my armour. I get the uncomfortable feeling that had I not moved, the damage would have been much, much worse. The goblin spearman is slow to react to its failed attack, giving me more than ample opportunity to bat its weapon aside with the shaft of my own, before jabbing my spear into the creature’s leg.

I am a little wary of getting my weapon stuck again, so the wound is quite shallow compared to my previous strike. Still, it’s enough to buckle the leg, which exposes the creature's throat to me as it falls into the stream. I take advantage of the opening, finishing the goblin with a short, sharp jab. I look up, ready for my next opponent, but to my surprise none appear.

The goblins, at least those that are left, are in full retreat. I watch as the two survivors high-tail it into the forest, both sporting at least one wound. Both are beyond spell range, so I place debating the morality of firing on retreating opponents on hold for now, instead glancing at the party interface to check up on everyone’s health. I frown, seeing that Em is missing a little HP, only to then swear explosively as I notice Ash is at half health and plummeting.

I stow my spear and break formation, dashing round a heavily panting Mum. By some miracle, Ash is still on her feet, but one glance at her is enough to reveal the heavily bleeding wound in her gut, the front of her leathers slick with blood. She stumbles, but by this point I am close enough to catch her. She slumps against me, face pale and eyes wide in pain and fear. Ever so gently, I lower her to the ground before applying steady pressure to the wound and immediately casting my healing spell.

I hear footsteps approaching and look up to see Emily, tears streaming down her face. I return my focus to Ash, channelling yet more healing magic into her abdomen. The magic to take effect, and her bleeding slows, before eventually stopping entirely. I glace back at the party interface, then breathe a sigh of relief when I see that Ash’s health has stopped falling. Unfortunately, her health is only at about three quarters full, but there’s little I can do for the moment, as I am fresh out of mana.

Ash looks up at me and graces me with a weak smile, then asks, “What’s the prognosis doc, am I gunna live?” I pretend to consider the question for a moment, before shrugging, then replying, “I don’t know… you have lost a hell of a lot of ketchup.” She blinks at me before chucking weakly. “You know, I’m starting to think that you’re not a real doctor.” I clasp her hands and help her to her feet as I scoff in mock outrage. “I’ll have you know I’m totally a really doctor. Got my degree from the university of nunya and everything.”

Now upright, Ash takes a moment to steady herself, then totally fails to play into the joke (boo), instead glancing down at our interlocked hands. She turns a little pale, and I realise that both my hands (and therefore hers) are slick with crimson. I’m about to say something (but for the life of me, I’m not sure what) when a particularly loud sniffle draws both of our attention to Em. She looks between the pair of us, expression riddled with guilt. Em opens her mouth to say something, but Ash cuts her off. “Not your fault, sis.”

“But!”

“No. No buts, the little bugger got past me, and things could have ended a hell of a lot worse if I hadn’t taken the hit.” Em looks like she wants to argue the point, but merely slumps her shoulders, letting out a sigh. Mum looks downtrodden, and opens her mouth to cut in, but it's my turn to interject. “Mum, I saw you taking on those two goblins like some sort of badass warrior woman, so this is not your fault. You sure as hell can’t be in two places at once.”

I pitch my voice for the rest of the group and continue speaking. “Hell, this is no-one’s fault. We’re adventurers. These things are bound to happen. All we need to do is understand what went wrong and improve upon it. For now, we should loot what bodies we can, store the rest to loot later, then get a move on. When my Mana recharges, I'll finish healing Ash then will use a cleanse spell, just in case. I've heard bad things about gut wounds, and it's better to be safe than sorry. Now, lets get to it. I, for one, have had my fill of goblins for the day.”