Poorly

The evening air was cool in Citrinas’ Domain as Verdi inspected a lantern while sitting at a wooden table, the area illuminated by a second lantern, his body covered in illustriously designed robes that complemented his body. Next to him Belsach, Eren, Mathias, Varrick, and Daria were hard at work bringing in other designs of Verdi’s making. He had built them on the first day of returning, but he knew they were suboptimal. They’d need Citrinas to tweak them, and he knew that she’d love nothing more than to spend all day optimizing the gas flow.

“Champ, you sure these things are gonna work?” Belsach asked, placing the last lantern on the table as Verdi continued inspecting each one, making sure that they were built as per his specifications. Though Verdi could perceive the lanterns down to the micrometer thanks to his sense of touch, he still inspected them visually, his left eye remaining closed while his right eye peered over them. He was slow and methodical, focusing on each piece, going over them while comparing them to the diagrams he had created for Belsach.

The upper chamber was a cylinder that had a latch approximately 10 cm in diameter on top. The side of it had a small rotary mechanism to let water flow downwards. Connecting to the bottom of the cylinder was an identical chamber with an identical latch. Welded to the side was a circular dish that had silver plating it and an open hole for gas to escape in the center of the dish. There was a flint and steel located next to the valve as he flicked it with a gloved hand, sending a cascade of sparks. As expected, Belsach had crafted them to perfection, the hobgoblin’s attention to detail second to none.

He could sense every lantern’s inner workings down to the micron thanks to his monstrous sense of touch. He had more than enough monster cores to scan each component in under half a second, his parallel minds capable of calculating in ways no human could comprehend. He could even split his body into 30 separate bodies to disassemble each one and complete them all within seconds. It was a slow, and arduous process going through all 30 lanterns visually with one body, but he refused to use his monstrous abilities for this. Even if it was an act, he wanted to at least pretend he still had some vestige of humanity left in him.

“Of course.” Verdi said, opening the top compartment of the lantern and pouring water in. Sealing the top, he opened the bottom compartment and poured in a handful of small white stones. Sealing both compartments, he slowly twisted a valve separating the two, allowing water to flow into the bottom compartment. Instantly, the smell of garlic filled the air as the calcium carbide reacted with the water, gas bubbling out and escaping into an open air vent where a flint wheel was waiting. Striking the flint, a white flame appeared, illuminating the area with an intensely bright glow, startling Belsach as he studied the strange stones.

“Huh. This is interesting. How long can this burn?” Mathias asked, sniffing the stones as Verdi tilted his head to think.

“About 5 to 10 hours if it’s full.” Verdi answered as Belsach let out a whistle of appreciation.

“Remind me to buy a few of these bad boys. This is way better than torches.” He said, filling a torch with water and calcium carbide before igniting it, watching the white flame illuminate his grotesque face.

“Agreed. They light the area up and they don’t burn my skin as badly as light artifacts.” Daria said, the vampire’s pale skin unaffected by the powerful torches. As they set up the torches around Citrinas’ Domain, the savory smell of duck soup filled the air as the table was covered in a beautiful spread of food. Standing next to it was Harvin, the taciturn butler bowing at the waist as Verdi sensed his presence.

“Master Verdi. I’ve done my best to replicate the soup that Lady Citrinas enjoys from Kolderia. I ask that you taste it.” He said as Verdi studied the table. Salad and duck soup. Citrinas ate very little, and was very much a picky eater as a result. This was one of the few foods she still enjoyed, much to Verdi’s disgust. Grabbing a spoon, he took a mouthful of both, feeling a wave of nausea as his body instinctively remembered spending several days eating this very meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner while in Kolderia.

“How is it?” Harvin asked as Verdi gave him a thumbs up.

“Yup. That’s the flavor she **** fed me for a month.” Verdi said, setting the spoon down and fighting the urge to wash his mouth out as Eren tilted his head.

“Y’know, Harvin’s a damn good cook. Probably in the top ten thousand cooks I’ve met in my life. You could ask him to make something fancier.” Eren said, looking at the table spread. It was by no means a terrible looking spread, but it was also far from a feast for the eyes. Considering it was a perfect replica of a random restaurant in Kolderia, he couldn’t be blamed for questioning Verdi’s choices.

“... Top ten thousand?” Harvin asked, a faint hint of bloodlust in his voice as the elderly butler eyed Eren, his smile overlaid with a feral beast’s fury. Everyone stepped away from Eren as he smirked and laughed off Harvin’s response, more amused than anything at the butler’s annoyance.

“Don’t feel bad. That’s a decent rank considering the others were essentially immortal.” Eren said, doing little to assuage Harvin’s annoyance at placing outside the top 100 cooks of Eren’s life. After tasting the food, Verdi made his way to their phonograph prototype. Raising the pin, he grabbed a polyethylene record and placed it in, the etchings gathered by a group of musicians Belsach knew. He wasn’t sure if it would work, but he wanted Citrinas to be the first to turn it on. He pushed the thoughts out of his mind as he told himself the design he and Citrinas has built was perfect. Fighting the urge to test his creation out, he put the record on the table next to the food, imagining Citrinas’ face when she put the record in herself.

The final part of his plan was the ring. Solid gold and made from the gold they used as a catalyst for polyethylene. It was perfect. He had rehearsed this everyday for quite some time. How he would propose. How she would say yes. How he would put his time in the Gates behind him and be happy.

“My darling is the greatest man, but I must concede, this is quite romantic.” Daria complimented, noting how far Verdi had gone for Citrinas.

“To be honest, I’m a bit worried even this might be too much. I remember Tomoko once tried to throw her a birthday party, and she ended up leaving after 30 minutes. It… It was really awkward afterwards.” He said, thinking back as Verdi sighed, realizing Citrinas was always a strange girl even among her peers. Regardless, he soldiered onwards, eager to make tonight perfect.

“Harvin, did you make dessert? He asked as Harvin nodded, tapping on the table to point everyone’s attention to a solid still container. Opening it, Verdi looked to find vanilla cream inside, the concoction lightly chilled and waiting to be frozen. Grabbing a spoon, he tasted it, the flavor outright perfection as he tasted the synthetic vanilla in it. Harvin was truly a master of the culinary arts for making this with such limited resources.

“Perfect. Thanks for the help everyone. Everything’s ready for tonight.” He said as he gestured to the portal. “Now get out of here, I’ve got a woman to wife up!” Verdi said cheerily as Eren smiled and patted him on the shoulder.

“Good luck bud. I’m glad you’re finally happy.” He said, genuine joy in his eyes as Verdi looked up at him and scoffed jokingly.

“Save your luck. I’m not gonna need it. Next time you’ll see me, I’ll be Verdi… Verdi…” He said, his voice petering out as he seemed to look for something. Her maiden name. What was Citrinas’ last name? He’d used God’s Eye on her in the past. He knew her name. Her name was. Her name was. Her name was. Fenri’s last name was Volk. Varrick’s was Dolshton. Mathias’ last name was Kolderim. Daria’s last name was Cohola. Citrinas’ last name was?

Everyone looked at him, watching him freeze up and frown, his giddy mood slowly fading as he clutched his head, a migraine forming at that moment. He seemed confused, then fear ran across his face as he felt his blood run cold. He couldn’t breathe as panic set in, his chest hurting as if someone were crushing his chest. He felt cold. He felt weak. The world around him was getting darker as his legs wobbled unsteadily. His veins felt like they had a knife stabbing into every inch of his body. Yet, even in this maelstrom of emotion, he had the strength to speak, forcing it through his lips as if he were vomiting.

“I don’t… I don’t remember her last name.” He said, his body growing colder as he clutched his head. As he said those words, fog escaped his lips, as if he were exhaling on a cold day. The world spun as his mind grew cloudy, his chest tightening while he lost his balance. He grabbed the table, gasping for air only to feel his muscles no longer obeyed him. He stumbled, sending the table tumbling to the ground as he felt his muscles seize up. Was he having a panic attack?

No, it wasn’t just a panic attack. He had lost focus. He was going to pass out. He grabbed at his chest, his pulse completely absent as he **** magic into himself. Remember how blood flows. Left atrium. Mitral valve. Left ventricle. Aortic valve. Aorta. Remember how blood flows. He felt a gloved hand of silk catch him as Harvin caught him before he could hit the ground. Instantly, the aged butler’s fingers traced Verdi’s wrist before he looked at Varrick.

“He has no pulse and core temperature has dropped two degrees. Focus on those areas.” He commanded as Varrick ran forward, tearing Verdi’s shirt open as he pressed his hands against his chest. White light emanating from his palms as healing magic flowed over Verdi while he began chest compressions. Despite his attempts, Verdi’s pulse had yet to recover as his body grew colder, his body actively refusing to heal. His consciousness grew faint as he tried to **** his blood to flow.

“Focus. Focus. Focus.” He thought, his mind now in a fugue from lack of oxygen.

At his command, ice crystals formed in his chest as he finally got the rhythm, using instinctive magic to form ice around his own heart. Stabbing into his heart, he puppeted his own body like a marionette, forcing it to beat once more. At the same time, he **** ice crystals to form in his lungs, expanding and letting him inhale. As he felt his blood flow and lungs expand, he regained his composure as he exhaled another frigid breath, the ice in his lungs condensing the moisture in his breath. He used too much magic and had too much ice. He had to make it thinner. Avoid freezing himself to ****. While this was happening, everyone was continuing to try and heal him, baffled at what was happening.

He tasted something herbal as someone **** a healing potion down his throat while Varrick continued casting magic. Clenching his fist, he **** himself to sit up, coughing violently as the frigid air cut at his lungs. He tasted something metallic and cold in his mouth, forcing him to spit it on the ground out of instinct as it clattered across the grass. He gasped like a fish out of water, cognizance returning to him as he felt several hands push him back down.

“Lie back down! You just had a heart attack!” Varrick said as Verdi took a deep breath, thinning the ice in his body further. He exhaled a second time, his breath no longer condensing as he shivered and hugged himself to warm himself.

“I’m-I’m fine… I’m fine… I’m fine. Just… Just give me a second.” He said, composing himself as he tried to stop shivering. Despite his reassurances, nobody believed him as they monitored his condition.

“You’re dangerously cold right now! We need to warm you up right now!” Mathias said as Eren inspected what Verdi had spat out earlier, reaching forward and picking it up. It was a crimson shard the size of a fingernail that slowly melted in his hand, leaving behind a pool of red in its wake. The smell of iron filled the air as he realized it was frozen blood, looking down at Verdi as he swallowed a lump in his throat.

“It’s your Blessing, isn’t it?” Eren asked quietly, crushing the shard in his fingers and letting the powder dissipate in the wind, leaving only a crimson stain on his fingers. “Your goddess took your organs, didn't she?” He asked as Verdi looked away, his remaining eye cast downwards as if this were a badge of shame. They had known he had not escaped the Gates unscathed, but they did not dare confront him on his injuries until now. With a sigh, Verdi looked up at them, both eyes open as they winced at what had happened to him.

His left eye’s sclera had turned pitch black, draining light itself as it shifted ever so slightly, patches of white appearing and disappearing as if he were infested with parasites. His brown pupil was nowhere to be found, his Blessing shifting his eye to a pure red that glowed faintly. What stood out, however, was the shape. No longer was his pupil a round sphere, replaced with that of a blooming rose with petals projecting outwards. He swallowed as he looked back at the ground, realizing how abnormal he looked now.

“I'm fine. I just lost control for a second.” Verdi explained, his words doing nothing to alleviate their worries. He knew leaving them in the dark would make them cautious, but he couldn't let them know just how much of him was left. "I'm used to living like this. Won't happen again." He continued.

“What if we used life magic to implant new organs into you?” Varrick proposed, thinking of enlisting Evangeline to help fix his body. She was insane, but recreating organs was child’s play for someone of her caliber. Verdi shook his head and looked down at his hand, disgusted with his own body as he sneered.

“Wouldn’t work. My body would identify them as foreign bodies and absorb them to recreate my nonfunctional organs.” He answered curtly as he looked at his hand. His body was perfectly flawed. Poisons, nanomachines, bacteria, viruses, and all other microscopic threats meant nothing to his regeneration. He was stuck like this. “Unless I make a new deal with Melody, this is my life now.”

“And you kept this quiet the entire time?” Mathias asked in disbelief as Verdi sighed.

“I just wanted to move on with my life and focus on the people that make me happy.” He mumbled, looking at the area and sighing in defeat. “I just wanted to make her happy…” He continued, resisting the urge to scream in frustration.

The fine clothes he had purchased were torn down the front and covered in dirt. The food was scattered on the ground, the soup now seeping into the soil while the salad blended in with the grass. The record they had painstakingly made over the course of several days had shattered from the commotion, the black shards hidden in the darkness. The lanterns had fallen to the ground, burning the grass and the tablecloth. The phonograph had escaped unscathed, but it was useless without a record. The worst part was how everyone looked at him. Their joyful expressions congratulating him had been long gone. Now they had nothing but pity and remorse on their faces as they looked at his haggard state.

He did not blame them for what had happened. They had been manipulated, exploited, or merely too late to change his fate. He could not fault them in any way. Despite that, he could tell almost all of them blamed themselves. Had they trusted him, had they been stronger, or even arrived earlier, they could have prevented the Gates from opening. Regardless, it was his choice to fight the machine. It was always his choice.

“It’s fine. It’ll be okay. We can fix this.” Eren said as Verdi shook his head, sensing vibrations from beyond the Domain portal. Footsteps. Citrinas’ footsteps.

“No. She’s already at the entrance. We have 80 seconds.” He said before falling to a knee as Mathias caught him. He looked at everyone pleadingly as he tried to stay upright. “Please help me clean this up. I don’t want her to see the mess.” He asked as everyone nodded, moving with record speed as the decorations, food, and equipment were rapidly cleaned up and packaged away in the alchemy lab. While they were busy cleaning everything, Mathias carried him to the Domain’s main building, gently pushing the door open and helping him inside. The two of them continued walking, Verdi’s body practically limping as they moved in silence.

“Himora.” Mathias said abruptly as they entered the study.

“What?” Verdi asked.

“Her last name is Himora.” Mathais said quietly as Verdi **** a smile.

“Thanks.” Verdi said quietly, his voice cracking slightly as he tried to stay calm. “Just take me to the study. Sit me up, tell her that I’m just working on a new blueprint if you see her.” He said as Mathias nodded, carrying up the stairs and helping him sit in a chair. Going to Citrinas’ room, he grabbed a spare shirt from the dresser and handed it to Verdi.

“When you try again, contact me. I’ll make sure it goes perfectly.” Mathias said as Verdi nodded while changing his torn shirt for his usual outfit. Tossing the torn shirt into a trash bin, he hugged himself for warmth before waving Mathias goodbye. The knight nodded, leaving the room as Verdi sat alone in the dark.

Even with the full moon shining in through the windows, it was nigh impossible to see the study. For Verdi, however, sight had long become a vestigial sense. His sense of touch was sensitive to the point that he could read a closed book, the ink on the pages enough for his sense of touch to detect. Regardless, he lit a candle, watching color appear around him as he continued to pretend he was still human.

“Fuck...” He mumbled, giving himself this one final moment of self pity before grabbing an ink quill and pretending to work as he sensed Fenri sprinting full speed towards him while Citrinas was busy showing off the machine they had used to generate the polyethylene to Tris. Fenri kicked the door open as she burst into the room in a panic.

“Hey Verdi, the marriage proposal-” Fenri said quickly as Verdi spoke up.

“It's off.” He said quietly as Fenri went silent, suddenly noticing his glum expression. She frowned, unsure of what to say as concern washed over her face.

“You okay?” Fenri asked, visibly worried as Verdi shook his head.

“Not really.” He mumbled, suddenly regretting his decision to be in the study surrounded by the blueprints of his marriage proposal. It felt like life was mocking him.

“Want some time alone?” She asked as Verdi nodded. She grasped his shoulder gently as she tried to reassure him.

“Hey bud, if you need anything, just holler.” Fenri said, leaving Verdi as he put his head on the table and sighed. There was always next time, but it didn’t change how much it hurt to see his plan go up in flames. After a few minutes, he could sense Citrinas walking towards the study, practically skipping as Verdi took a deep breath to compose himself.

“Verdi! I’m back! I got you a present!” She said happily, pushing the door open as he turned around, pretending to be surprised.

“Oh! Welcome back! I had a present planned for you too, but I had some issues with logistics. Sorry about that, we’ll have to do it later.” Verdi apologized as she nodded.

“That’s fine. Why do you look so sad?” She asked as Verdi realized just how badly he was hiding his emotions. Even Citrinas could read him.

“I had an accident. I broke the record we made.” He mumbled, giving her part of the truth. Rather than joining him in his depression, she perked up, eagerly grabbing a book and placing it on the table. She quickly opened it, displaying a page on formulation number 15 and noting that it was far too rigid for commercial use.

“Oh! In that case, we can go with trial 16’s formulation tomorrow!” Citrinas said excitedly, as if she were happy Verdi had shattered the fruits of their labor. He smiled while standing up and going to the corner, grabbing a stack of papers as the duo sat by the lantern going over potential additives and how they would interact with the polyethylene. Hours went by as the two chatted, going over how best to create their next batch. It was only when the candles in the room extinguished that they realized how long they had been talking.

“Right, did Belsach build the lanterns like you asked?” She asked as Verdi bit his lip, nodding nervously. They had cleaned up the area, but he had left one prototype in the study. He wanted to say no, but the sparkles in her eyes made it nigh impossible to disappoint her.

“Here it is.” He said, grabbing it from a nearby drawer as she gasped, as if he were presenting her a treasure. It was slightly more advanced than the other lanterns, having a glass cover to protect the flame and a smaller profile for people to carry. It was significantly better than the other prototypes, but it was too complex to produce en mass. It still had water and calcium carbide inside of it, so turning it on was a matter of turning a valve and striking the flint, instantly illuminating the area with a bright light as Citrinas smiled and studied it.

“Wow…” She said, stunned at the culmination of their work, transfixed by the flame. She could easily just create this with magic, but to see it form from pure science fascinated her. “Shoot. I forgot about your present. Actually, let’s go get everyone else so we can all show you the present!” She said as Verdi sensed the area, suddenly realizing Sarah, Bey, and Eris had tagged along. He had explicitly sent them out so he wouldn’t be bothered. Why were they-right, pet training classes. There was no way Fenri wouldn't visit something like that.

“They look busy.” Verdi said, unsure if he wanted a present while he was in a bad mood. He could also sense all 5 girls were hiding in Fenri's room to let him have some space. “Why don’t you just head to bed? I’ll clean up.” He offered, watching her yawn as she rubbed the sleepiness from her eyes. She looked ready for bed, yet, her fatigue disappeared as she looked at his face.

“Hey Verdi, can I ask you a weird question?” She asked sheepishly as he began cleaning up their desk.

“Of course.” He answered as he opened a drawer and leaned over to put some of their notebooks away.

“Are you going back into the Gates?” As she asked that, Verdi froze in place, still holding their booklet of notes as he mulled over her request. She continued talking, her voice soft as she held his arm tenderly, as if he would leave when she finished her sentence.

“When Bell drank your blood, your past self left a note for you. We sabotaged it. He told you to go back to the Gates, and you’d know why. We thought you were punishing yourself.” She explained as Verdi thought back to how odd they were acting when he woke up. They had been oddly affectionate to him, and the note’s bottom was cut too clean. He was suspicious but never paid it any mind.

“Why would you do something like that?” Verdi asked, startled at the revelation. She gently reached forward, grabbing his arm and leaning on him.

“Because I don’t want you to go. No matter what.” She said quietly, Verdi's chest hurting as he looked at her. She genuinely loved him too if she wanted him to stay. He imagined life with her. Marriage. Having kids. Raising a family together. He thought of what a future with her would entail. And at the thought of a future with her, he realized it.

He couldn't stay.

“I can't let that machine come here. She will hurt everyone you know and love.” Verdi said with a quivering voice, phantom pain ravaging him as he thought back to the Gates. How could he ever think to stay here when that machine was still out there? He couldn’t abandon her that fate. Despite his words, Citrinas’ eyes were unconvinced as she looked at him, her fingers tracing his cheek.

“She's already doing that.” Citrinas said, gently pressing her finger against his left eyelid. She gently opened it to display his disfigured eye, wincing as she saw the crimson flower blooming in it. She saw a fizzle of divine energy spark, his body and his Goddess’ power constantly fighting.

“Your left eye…” She said quietly, her hands slowly tracing his chin and moving down to his throat. She gently held his neck, feeling a portion of his body colder than the rest of him. He had to give up his eye to regenerate faster than the machine could age him.

“Your voice…” She said, the ice crystals in his throat digging in as he swallowed. He opened his mouth trying to stumble out an explanation, yet no words escaped his lips. He had lost his vocal cords to improve his magical regeneration. She pressed a hand against his chest, feeling him breathe. He had lost the muscles in his diaphragm to improve his magical attack power. She did not halt as she pressed a hand to his chest, feeling his heart beating.

“Your heart.” She said, tracing his chest with her fingers. He had to give up his heart to cast his magic even faster. She stopped there, unwilling to talk about the rest of his missing organs as she leaned her head on his chest.

“She's already hurting the person I love more than anything.” She said quietly as she hugged him. “And if I let you go, she's going to keep hurting you. Forever.” She said, her words digging at him.

“Who told you?” Verdi asked as she held him tighter.

“Nobody. I've listened to your heartbeat for years. The way you breathe. Your voice. I knew you were faking it the day you woke up.” She said quietly, finally uttering the truth. She had known from the day he returned. The entire time, she knew. How his heartbeat sounded, the way he breathed, the subtle shift in his tone, she remembered everything about him.

“As long as I'm in there, the machine can't hurt you.” Verdi said, hoping that her fear of the machine would overcome her affection for him. “In this life, the next life, or ever. As long as I hold her back, you'll all be safe.” He continued as she looked up at him.

“What can I say to make you stay?” She asked as Verdi looked away from her, finally confronting reality.

“I'm immortal. A lifetime of happiness to you is an eternity of regret for me.” Verdi said quietly. “If-when you die, you’ll reincarnate. And you might end up a victim of that machine.” He said, thinking of how long he had been trapped in the Gates. He was probably older than the written history of her kingdom right now. He couldn’t risk an eternity of her suffering or a few decades of happiness. He could see Citrinas bite her lip, unable to give a logical answer. There was nothing she could say. Forcing him to stay was risking an eternity of pain for a single lifetime of happiness. Despite that, she couldn’t let him leave.

“Then… Don’t stay forever.” She said quietly. “Just stay here until we die.” She continued as Verdi looked at her with a puzzled expression.

“What?” He asked with a flustered voice.

“One day I will die. Fenri and Tris too. So when that day comes, you can go back.” She offered as she looked out the window. “Eren and the others can’t win, but they can at least hold her off for a few decades.” Citrinas said as Verdi bit his lip, unable to look away from her face as the lantern finally died out, illuminating her in the moonlight. He opened his mouth, hoping to tell her he was not changing his mind. That he would become her hero. Yet, he couldn’t speak.

“If… If you're okay with someone like me, I swear to always make you happy for the rest of your life.” He said as Citrinas smiled, her face beaming as she embraced him.

“Until **** do us part.” Citrinas said quietly with a smile, holding him tightly as Verdi returned her embrace. Perhaps he would regret this choice. Perhaps people would curse him for his cowardice in the future. But at this moment, he didn’t care.

“Until **** do us part.” Verdi agreed quietly, looking down at the drawer holding his wedding ring. “Can I ask you a question? I had a big elaborate plan to convince you to say yes, but I think I'm ready to ask it now.” He asked, separating from Citrinas as she smiled at him.

“I think we have the same question. I was going to ask it to you tonight. It was your present.” She said as Verdi reached back, opening the drawer and reaching for the ornate box holding his wedding rings, facing away from her. Citrinas looked confused at the box, then smiled as she guessed what was inside of it, watching his fingers wrap around the box.

They truly knew each other.

“Ask on 3?” Verdi asked as Citrinas nodded.

“1. 2.” As they counted in perfect sync, Verdi’s fingers clasped the ring box while Citrinas grabbed the bottom of her shirt.

“3!” The two of them shouted in perfect sync as they moved at the same time. A flash of gold glimmered off the moonlight as Verdi opened the box, displaying two solid gold rings. At the same time, Citrinas tore her shirt off, exposing her new womb tattoo and pierced nipples, their faces still smiling as they looked at each other.

“Will you marry me?”

“Will you make me your seedbed?”

“Yes-wait what did you just say!?” The two of them said in sync, the two of them glaring at each other in equal parts shock and confusion. Citrinas looked at the solid gold rings in Verdi’s fingers, then up at Verdi while Verdi’s eyes were focused on the womb tattoo and piercings in Citrinas’ nipples. Rather than being aroused at her naked body, he was completely baffled as he searched her hands for a ring. Sadly, the only rings she had were clamped on her nipples and capable of vibrating. At that moment, Verdi suddenly regretted all his bedroom talk about mind breaking Citrinas to becoming his seedbed.