Play dumb

"What?"

"You're the fucking mayor! Not some top secret agency with some government agency!" Taylor screams.

"Miss, please calm down. Of course I'm the mayor. This is city hall and this is the mayor's office. Did you vote for the other guy?"

"What??" Taylor takes off her sunglasses and throws them on the ground. "I'm Taylor Swift! The girl you tricked into fucking yesterday."

You could admit to it but you decide it's okay to have a little more fun at her expense. If it doesn't work out, you're ready to use your mind control ring on her at any time.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't recognize you, miss. Great concert last night, I was there to oversee security for the venue after the hostage situation at the stock exchange, but I don't think we've met. Hi, I'm John Colins," you extend your hand and Taylor shakes it awkwardly. She's clearly confused and she backs away and sits down on the couch.

"Wait.... what? You've never met me?" Taylor stares at you, though she's much calmer now and almost distraught.

"Nope. I'm a huge fan and I think I would remember meeting you, Taylor."

"But I... but you... and we... then you... and I saw the papers..." the country music singer mutters, trying to put together the pieces in her mind.

"Taylor, what's wrong? It might be helpful to talk it through."

"What? Yeah, I guess. It sounds crazy though. Like, really crazy."

"It's hope, this is a safe space. Nothing you say leaves this room," you say. You even push the intercom and let Ashley know that you're not to be interrupted, which Taylor is grateful for. You then lock the door and sit down next to Taylor. "Go ahead."

"Well... I... again, you're going to think I'm crazy," Taylor says.

"I won't, promise. Would you like me to take your coat?"

"Oh sure, thanks," Taylor stands up and removes her trench coat. Underneath, she's wearing a dark flannel shirt and a pair of black pants. "So... here goes. Yesterday before the show, I was just chilling in my waiting room by myself when a guy who looks exactly like you walks in and says he's from some top secret agency and can't talk much about it."

"Okay..." you nod.

"Then, he claims that the government suspects that I've been **** by aliens and replaced with a fake body with only my brain, so that the aliens can use my real body for reproductive purposes. So the guy who looked like you said he needed to examine me," Taylor took a deep breath, "And he did."

"What did he do?"

"He had me take off my clothes and spread my legs. Then he touched me. Then he... you know."

"He said he had to have sex with you to know if you're real?"

"Well, that part was... He had gotten me worked up with his hands and in the heat of the moment..."

"I see..." you rub your chin thoughtfully while throwing an arm over the back of the couch near Taylor.

"I know. I sound crazy," Taylor says.

"No. Not at all. I shouldn't be telling you this, but as mayor of the biggest city in the world, I get plenty of classified briefings and..."

"Yeah?"

"I've been warned about things like this happening."

"What do you mean? What things?" Taylor leans in closer.

"It's something like what that guy described to you, but slightly different. According to a top secret briefing I got from the Pentagon last week, aliens have been impersonating people on earth so that they can impregnate famous people to carry on their race. I didn't believe them at first, but the evidence they showed me was pretty good. You might know one of the victims: Beyonce." It takes everything in you to not burst out in laughter as you lie to Taylor, and you're fascinated by how gullible she is.

"Oh my god," Taylor gasps.

You have an idea. "But it's not always successful. Alien reproduction is complicated, but they told me two things. First, birth control doesn't work. If the alien cums inside a woman, it'll take. Second, at the same time, alien seed is volatile in the first 48 hours and can't be mixed with human sperm. That means that if a female has sex with a human male after the alien, it will nullify the alien's seed and she won't have its offspring. Of course, most women in that situation don't even know and aliens usually pick someone who's single and unlikely to have sex again in 48 hours. But I'm sure you have a boyfriend, right? Easy fix."

Taylor shakes her head. "Nope. Shit."

"It's okay. Just go find an ex or a good looking guy off the street."

"And say what? I need you to cum inside me because I got fucked by an alien and I'm worried about having alien babies?"

You can't help but chuckle and Taylor starts laughing too at the absurdity of her statement. She glances at your hand on the couch and turns to you. "How about you? You're not married and you're cute. I mean, the alien must know I would go for someone like you. Plus, you're a reputable guy and a hero! I read about what you did yesterday and I couldn't believe you would trick me into having sex with you. Now I know the truth."

You pretend to act flattered and scratch your head. "I don't know. I barely know you, Taylor. Not that I haven't dreamed about it."

Taylor puts her hand on yours and gives it a squeeze. "Come on. Please? I don't want to have alien babies. We can go to my apartment or a hotel."

"But we're both very visible figures in the city. People will talk. Aren't you worried about that?"

Taylor shrugs and pulls out her phone. She leans in to you until her cheek is against yours and she takes a selfie. "There," she says while typing. "Just posted it online. Now we're dating. It'll be good for both of our careers. Now, would you please take your girlfriend somewhere to have sex?"

She's not going to take no for an answer and stands, pulling you off the couch.

"I guess I will then," you say with a smile.