Pitstop

Standing in the drugstore Xander felt more then a little strange. Not because he was dressed all in black with combat gear and weapons on but because Harmony was standing in front of him as she perused the condom selection and with every box she picked up she would reach back and give his crotch a fondle to judge size. They were alone in the aisle and nobody could see what they were doing... but he was all but getting a handy in public.

He didnt really pay attention to anyone who was around while this was going on. He was more enjoying the attention, the taboo behavior they were getting away with and the promise of things to come. What guy isnt excited about the opportunity to loose their virginity.

Which is part of the reason why he almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a voice behind him.

"Xander?"

Turning his head he smiled at the woman who had spoken, "Missus Summers!" He kept his back to her as despite the new person approaching Harmony refused to let him go as she continued shopping for the right condoms.

The blonde smiled back for a second until she gave him a looksee, then her brow furrowed, "Why are you dressed like a henchman in a Chuck Norris movie?"

Harmony leaned around Xander to look at the blonde who had approached. She knew something was up as what she was holding in her hand jumped. Indicating more then just Xander being startled. In her opinion the blonde was very stereotypical mom, a classic americana type of beautiful. Beautiful but devoid of sex appeal like 50s sitcoms were, in Harmony's opinion. She could see the appeal, she had a lot of fantasies about men, some about women. Doing naughty things to a sheltered 50s housewife wasnt a bad fantasy she supposed. The idea of corrupting a classic american icon with naughty sex was... pleasing.

When blonde saw blonde there was a polite smile. Until Joyce Summers saw what Harmony was doing with her hands, the older woman then took in where they were standing and what was on offer in the aisle. Her cheeks went red as she realized what she was interrupting.

"Oh." Joyce said softly.

"Joyce Summers, Harmony Kendal. Harmony Kendal, Joyce Summers. Buffy's mom." Xander waved between the two. "Please let go."

"No." Harmony teased and gave him a squeeze.

Xander groaned and with flushing cheeks he looked between the two women. "Well this is awkward."

Joyce babbled, "I just needed some advil. I have a massive headache. Apparently there was a fire towards the college and the firetruck went past my house and the sirens, ugh, just made it worse and of course we didnt have any advil at home...."

Harmony tittered as Xander winced.

"That's Xander's fault." Harmony again gave him a good grope.

Joyce gave Xander a bewildered look.

Xander sighed and with a resigned slumping of his shoulders he took a second to think. "I heard there was this frat that... well... did very bad things to girls. And apparently some of the frat bros had been sniffing around the high school. So I went to investigate and, uh..."

"He beat the shit out of the whole frat and saved me. Those frat fucks had me chained up in the basement." Harmony finally let go of Xander and showed off her wrist which was still red and raw from fighting to get free of her manacles.

Joyce leaned in to look at Harmony's wrist and then spared the girl's too tight and very revealing dress a look. She then looked again at what aisle they were in. "You probably need to get neosporin and some gauze for some of those small cuts."

"Thank you." Harmony smiled a big smile at her, "We'll get those next. After the important stuff." Harmony winked.

"Anyways there may have been an accident and a fire may have started as I was leaving the home of a bunch of **** rich boy scumbags with the woman they intended to do very bad things to." Xander allowed.

"Allegedly." Harmony said. When Joyce and Xander looked at her ahe just stared back, "What, I'm not going to let me hero incriminate himself. I've seen Law and Order."

Joyce just looked from the one to the other and reaching up she pinched the bridge of her nose. Taking a deep breath Joyce stared at Harmony, "You dont have to do what you are planning to do. You dont need to feel pressured to do anything."

Harmony blinked for a second and then when understanding dawned she stomped her foot in affronted indignation. "I'm not doing that because he saved me! I'm doing this because you dont let dick this big slip thru your fingers!"

"Oy." Xander put his head in his hands.

"Wh-what?" Joyce took a step back.

"I mean, yes, he saved me and that is awesome! Real superhero stuff. But thats Xander, he does that all the time." Harmony bounced on her toes and leaned into Xander's side. "But I dont put out because boys get in a fight. I have standards. I'm doing this because HE has the biggest dick I've ever met in real life! I need bigger condoms, it's that big."

Joyce just stared dumbly.

"Harmony is... Harmony." Xander explained with resigned amusement.

"Duh." Harmony primped her hair.

"She's a lot like Cordelia, very direct and upfront about what she wants." Xander explained.

"And what I want is big dick." Harmony nodded her head.

"I see." Joyce nodded her head.

"And I am offended on Xander's behalf, I'll have you know." Harmony turned up her nose. "He's not the kind of guy who forces himself on a girl. Even if he saved her life."

Joyce blinked at that and after a fleeting glimpse at Xander who gave her a slight nod of the head. Joyce hunched her shoulders and with a sigh she said, "I am sorry. Xander, I... You..."

"I mean if Xander was that type of guy he would have bent your daughter over last year and had his way with her. Everyone knows he saved her when she drowned on prom night." Harmony sniffed dismissively. Joyce just stepped back stunned at the mention of her daughter.

"Or Cordelia earlier this year." Xander added as he thought back to Chris Epps and his Frankenstein brother. Having saved Cordelia in both this new world and the old world.

"What?" Harmony asked looking at him.

"Chris Epps was doing a thing, uh, because of his brother Daryl's **** last year. His creepy friend Eric helped. They **** Cordy... I got involved, there was a fight, there was a fire. Nobody died." He explained.

"And Cordy didnt... y'know... offer?" Harmony asked. "Cause I know she's got a thing for Knights saving Damsels."

Xander snorted, "There may have been a vague offer but I don't take advantage of people who are in a bad situation. And Cordy had just been thru a lot what with Chris and Eric had been planning."

"See." Harmony shot at Joyce.

Joyce nodded and finding her voice,."What do you mean my daughter drowned?"

Harmony looked at her and then at Xander. "She doesnt know?"

Xander shrugged.

"Ugh. Like, Buffy and Xander and that whole group showed up at the dance and Buffy was waterlogged. And it got around that Buffy got attacked by some old guy and drowned. And the guy got beat by Xander and Xander, like, gave Buffy cpr. Everyone was talking about it by then end of the night, Cordy was so pissed she wasnt the center of attention. And then Buffy just danced all night with that weird hunky college guy who hangs around her." Harmony stopped and nodded her head. "Thats about it, i think."

She then snapped her fingers, "Wait, since then Buffy has been a huge bitch to Xander. She even stole Willow away from him. There's like some post traumatized stressed discord stuff."

"She's going thru some things, okay." Xander interjected. "Don't make a big thing about it."

"Is that why you havent been around?" Joyce asked looking at Xander.

Xander groaned, "Its a thing. Buffy is dealing. Not well, but dealing. I'm not pressuring anyone to do anything they dont want to do. I dont do that. Even if it means one of my friends is being a pain in the ass."

"Oh Buffy." Joyce shook her head. She reached out and patted Xander's shoulder, "I'm sorry Xander. I didnt know. I'll have a talk with Buffy. About a great many things." Joyce murrered, "Like hunky college guys not being appropriate. Especially ones I still havent met."

Xander bowed his head and cleared his throat.

"What?" Joyce and Harmony asked.

"That'd be Angel and well, I'm kinda the reason Angel isnt around anymore." Xander shrugged.

"Xander." Joyce and Harmony said together, their implied "explain" was evident.

Xander pushed past his discomfort, "Buffy and Angel, uh, got closer and... and, ya' see, Angel had like a split personality type thing going on."

"Had a split personality?" Joyce asked.

"Got closer." Harmony sniggered. "Please she was almost bragging to Willow about the fact that she was finally going to do the deed. Everyone at school knew she was going to do it."

"Not in front of Buffy's mom." Xander hissed.

Harmony rolled her eyes.

"What... what happened, Xander?" Joyce finally asked in her best no nonsense mom tone.

"Angel flipped out and Angelus came out to play and he was, uh, a very bad boy of the Hannibal Lecter school of bad guys. There were weird threats and weird things happened and there were attacks." Xander explained in a rush.

"And there was a fight and there was a fire? I'm sensing a trend." Harmony nodded her head.

"There was a fight. There was no fire." Xander allowed. "And Angel's not around anymore.

He looked at Joyce, "Yeah, so Buffy's got more then one reason to be pissed at me. I didnt do anything wrong but, uh... yeah, that's why I've been missing in action."

"Oh Xander." Joyce leaned in and hugged Xander, "Thank you for being my little girls friend."

The moment lasted until Harmony spoke, "Okay. So can we get back to what we were doing cause finding a condom that fits is very important to my plans tonight."

Xander looked at Joyce who was staring at the blonde, "Harmony can be singled minded when she wants things."

"And what she wants is you." Joyce looked at the blonde who was back to looking thru the condoms as one of her hand strayed towards Xander's crotch. "Parts of you at least."

Xander shrugged.

"Do i need to be worried about you being pressured?" Joyce asked.

Xander cocked an eyebrow, "I know what I'm doing." He cast a quick glance at Harmony, "I think."