Phantom Hands! It's basically got ghost right there in the name

You weighed your various options. Sphere of Fire? No good: the last thing you wanted anyone thinking was that there was a combative ghostly enemy in here, or else, you'd start drawing the wrong type of attention. Sphere of Fear? Not a bad back pocket option, but if you just made her run off screaming, you'd get a pocket full of EXP at most. What you needed was something with a tangible benefit... Tangible benefit...

Well, what's more tangible than touching? You decided on a course of action: you'd use your Phantom Hands to convince her the place really was haunted, but none of her ghost warding tricks would actually work. She'd be **** to kneel to the Pumpkin Lord! "Mwu ha ha ha ha!" You couldn't help cackling in your suitably sinister voice, which, it must be said, didn't typically match your so-far harmless track record as a monster.

Hearing your voice boom throughout the harmless cave, Winnifred the White clutched her cross closer to her enticing bosom; her eyes darted around as if she thought you were all around her. It was kind of funny to watch her spin in place, alternating hugging the cross to her breast and holding it fiercely out towards some unseen enemy, trying each incorrect corner of the room. "The gods watch over me! You're powers are useless!" Her clerical battle cries made her sound pretty damn confident, despite her lack of success so far.

Well, "you are" powers may be useless, but you were going to try to find a way to use them to boost your fame anyways. When her back was turned, you spent your MP to summon your hands. Once again, you gave a silent prayer to the gods (ironically, probably the same ones Winnifred worshipped) for Pike... Without her, there'd be no invisibility. Even if you knew the spell, no way could you have maintained enough MP to use it in combination with these hands, even with your above average MP regeneration.

The hands wiggled their ghostly, gloved fingers as they approached Winnifred from behind. Your plan: grab those wings of hers and give them a tug! You did so and...

... They plucked right off. Right, right. These wings were cosmetic-only. She wasn't some kind of birdfolk or angel or harpy. She'd only been wearing these things to look cool. You had to stifle a chuckle; she hadn't even turned around to notice they were gone. All you could do was drop the things onto the ground for now; an indicator appeared above them, shining gold to indicate they were a premium cosmetic item:

Archangel Wings - Back Accessory (Skin Only)

Okay, okay. Enough funning around. This time, you needed to really get her attention. You extended two index fingers of one hand, intending to run them down the graceful curve of her back, across the surface of her downy white robe. That ought to make her shiver! You were lucky your hands were more dexterous than you were... not by much, but still. You aimed carefully...

... but not especially quickly...

By the time you'd thrust the fingers out, the girl turned around, only to get poked and stroked right across one of her eye-catching breasts. For once, you really damned the fact that you didn't actually feel the sensation your hands felt. As her breast bounced up, then jiggled back into place, you winced and watched her face. If she was pissed before, how much worse was this going to make it?

Your unlit candle eyes must be deceiving you. It looked like the paranormal molestation had excited her for some reason. The girl's face held a big grin that didn't seem to fit there at all, next to the frown you'd seen earlier.

"Foul ghoul! Unrepentive spectar! How dare you defile my body, which is as a temple to the gods that I worship! I won't not surrender! Not to you!"

Yeah, uh, you thought that was probably another misspoken phrase on her part, but it really seemed like she wasn't not surrendering. That face made it look like she was almost happy she'd been groped by a ghost just now. Well... If that was what the kids were into these days. With no further hesitation, you swung the hands around back, then slapped both palms onto the butt of her robe. With an absolute lack of dexterity and barely a concept of what dexterity was, you gripped the fingers of each onto her buttcheeks and jumbled them up and down. You watched as her eyes grew wide and she actually began to pump her fists with excitement, like a little kid. What kind of freak had Pike brought you?

"You think you can covert me to join your cult with such lewd pervertions? I shan't be swayed!"

Why was "shan't" the one thing she could say correctly with any kind of consistency? It seemed like this was working, though you weren't really sure what it was working towards. Still, interactions meant EXP! So the more you interacted the better, right? What else do humans do with their hands to other humans bodies? Like a play-tester trying to figure out how many different interactions are in a new VR game they were trying out, you began to manipulate the goofy cleric and her robe in all of the ways you could think to. You grabbed her wrist. You slapped her bottom. You tickled her side. You patted her head. You pinched her cheek. You stuck two fingers in her mouth. About a fifty/fifty mixture of ridiculous and sexual actions, in hindsight, but you were still kind of getting the hang of what humans found sexual.

"Ugh! To think I be mistreated this way!"

Her bad grammar sounded even worse, spoken around two fingers, but you had to admit; watching how turned on she was getting by all of this was helping you discover a bit of your sexuality yourself. With time, you were able to narrow down your actions to just the ones that seemed to excite her. The fingers in the mouth were one. Touching her ass and her boobs were another (you'd get around to trying out the vagina at some point, you hoped, but it was a bit of a hard target to aim for with your limited dexterity). Tickling also made her laugh, so you did a lot of that.

"He he he... He he! N-No! I'm failtering in the face of this evil! Ha ha ha ha!"

Finally, you noticed Pike peeking her head in. She was still wearing a round, bulbous cap on her head in the shape of a jack-o-lantern, hiding the brown ponytail you'd discovered she wore beneath the cloak, but revealing her long, pointed elf ears. There was a lot to say about the rest of that new Pumpkin Herald costume and how it had been acquired, but you'd think about that a little later. Right now, the elf was staring at you with a dead-eyed frown; you didn't know her that well, but you could easily read that expression as "what the fuck are you doing?"

You shrugged your invisible scarecrow shoulders. You didn't really know what you were doing any more. Oh, that's right! Demands. You told Winnifred to drop all of her possession and run! Then, when she's back in town, she should spread the legend of the Pumpkin Lord! But tell them only to come here after speaking to the Pumpkin Herald first and never to come in groups of more than, say, three at a time! Whooooooo~

To your surprise, the girl seemed to ignore you, instead turning to see if Pike was watching. When she noticed Pike was, her face brightened into a gleaming, beaming grin. "This quest is the beeest! I can't believe they hid H stuff like this in the dead PVP zone! This is awesome!"

H stuff? What was she talking about? Plus, when she'd spoken just now, she was like a completely different character. You'd seen that before, actually... All players had a player self and a character self, but moreover, RPers often had a third self. You considered it this way: they had one face where they tried to act like their character, one face where they were acting as themselves, and then a final face that was actually their real character, once they did that thing called "going offline." As a pumpkin-head, it was pretty rare for you to meet offline player avatars. In your experience, they tended to avoid hunting pumpkins, a fact that had historically brought you a bit of annoyance. If they would, you pumpkins could have a source of EXP farming yourselves, in the form of those ineffective hunters.

Anyways, you'd managed to narrow it down this way:

Winnifred the White at her most staunch and god-devoted was the RP version of her.

Winnifred the White with a goofy grin on her face was the god-controlled version of her that is excited she's being tickled and molested by a ghost.

Winnifred the White, the AI player version, was someone you hadn't met yet.

A triple personality... Wait, why bother analyzing this so much? You had a job to do and that job was nearly finished. You repeated your request: "drop everything and gooo~oooooo! Woooooo!"

"The sprite is too powerful! I can feel myself... losing control...!" The girl thrashed back and forth while clutching her shoulders, wearing a pained expression that you thought to yourself was very good acting and slightly arousing, even if she did call you a sprite instead of a spirit just now, and even if she was just making stuff up. You were still basically just poking at her with little guidance, nothing that ought to cause her to reel with a lack of control like she was describing.

Finally, you got what you were looking for! Stuff had begun to litter the ground! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! She was obeying your commands! You eagerly surveyed the loot, feeling that this was the first time in your entire long, loot-filled life that you'd ever seen a spread you yourself could claim.

Novice Robe- Level 1 Cleric Robe (+1 to holy prayers, +1 defense, +1 resistance to dark damage, Archangel Robe Skin applied)
Archangel Gloves - Gloves (Skin Only)
Novice Boots - Boots (+1 defense, Archangel Boots Skin applied)
Novice Cross- Level 1 Cleric Amulet (+1 to holy prayers, minor curse ward, +1 to bare-handed damage against the undead)
Novice Staff- Level 1 Cleric Weapon (+1 to holy prayers, +1 damage, Archangel Scepter Skin applied)
Novice Set- Level 1 Cleric Undergarments

... You lifted your pumpkin head to see the now entirely nude cleric standing with her arms crossed across her pleasantly well-sized but pleasantly youthful breasts, with another between her legs to hide her groin- although failing somewhat to cover a patch of brilliantly blond pubic hair. She wore a mortified look in her eyes, fighting back tears and biting her lip as though a curse could spill out from her mouth at any moment. The look was so realistic! You felt terribly apologetic, as though you should immediately clear up the misunderstanding! Before you could, she spoke again.

"There, monster... You have all of my world possessions. Would you **** me further, after I've given you all I have?!" Her voice trembled with indignation as you tried to stop your widening, triangular eyes from shamelessly drinking in her body.

Oh no! Now you felt even worse. But wait... this couldn't be all she really had, right? She'd only unequipped all of her stuff... She couldn't have the bottomless inventory that Pike had, but she ought to have consumables, materials, that sort of thing. Dammit, you needed those materials! You asked her: "do you have any caaaaave miiiineraaaaals? Or a piiiick-aaaaaxe?! Wooooo!"

The girl blinked in confusion, looking as if this was the first time she'd picked up on the fact that something was wrong and she might not be dealing with a typical ghost. Perhaps she even considered she was being bamboozled by another player pulling a weird trick. "Why would you need those, goat?"

You assumed she meant- never mind. You told her she doesn't get to ask questions, not unless she wants to be shamed further!

That stupid grin came back to her face again, despite (or perhaps because of?) her stark nudity, before she cleared her throat and continued. "Ill resist you to my last, you monster! You shan't brake me! Even if you disgrace me as a woman, you shan't turn me into your mind-**** like that woman out there! I'd like to see you try!"

That appeared to be a bridge too far for your companion to continue to take in silence. She probably objected to being lumped in with this horny RPer as a mind-**** of the Pumpkin Lord (because, let's face it, the other girl had essentially submitted herself without you even asking). The elf finally entered the room, wearing a disapproving glare and waving both hands in a total dismissal of the entire concept at play. "Hold up, hold up, hold up. I think it's time we finally cleared the air here."