Pen Pals, Part 1: Mersu, Insta-Coffee, and Homework

Harper

Harper finds herself in what is going to pass as the producer’s office, Honey sitting beside her. Eilistraee sits at the big mahogany desk, leaning over. On the desk are several packages: honeyed figs, these little round balls covered in crushed pistachios, and these vaguely cinnamon roll looking pastries with some kind of mauve colored icing.

“Uh, Honey, are you okay with eating figs? I don’t know where they are from and some figs are pollinated by tiny little wasps.”

“I am a nectarivore, Ms. O’Connor. I do not eat. But thank you for your consideration. I do not care if you consume the long-gone remains of non-sentient wasps if you eat a fig.”

The goddess, having half of the fig box in her mouth, talks while she chews, “They are really good, cousin. I know you’ll complain about the carbs, but it’s better for you than some things you could eat for second breakfast. The mersu over there,” indicating the little balls, “are probably the treat you would most likely enjoy.”

Harper grabs a mersu (whatever that is), and, with Eilistraee’s insistence, takes a bite. Date paste, slightly sweetened with a little honey, spiced, with some pistachios for texture? Not bad. Not bad at all. She snags a fig before the goddess eats the rest.

“What’s up with the snacks?”

“A gift from Ms. Arabella that she asked me to share. As already mentioned, her wards have written thank you letters again. It’s so nice to get some mail. Here, for you.”

Harper takes the letter. Carefully eating the fig, Harper sits to read the words from one Andy Cooper:

Harper,

I hope you are doing well. I'm still struggling to figure out the time differential between our season and yours. Sooner or later, you'll tell me you received my letter before I sent it! Anyway, given the differential, I assume you haven't had the time to heal, however possible, from what happened here on our island around eleven days ago or so. You mentioned one of your harem could help with your spiritual pain: if you haven't already availed yourself of her help, please do so. I worry about you, my friend, especially knowing the gauntlet Beckie's left for your endgame. And even though I struggle to imagine my Andi form would be improved by koala features. Still, I recall you mentioned a transformation that made you uninterested in humans, so I will take your comment in the spirit with which it was given. Thank you. And also, thank you for mentioning Mark. I have not heard of him before, but it certainly sounds like he and I could trade notes. I will reach out when his season opens fan mail.

Congratulations on saving Skye's people, and thank you for the advice about Svartalfheim, I'll keep it in mind as a destination. Great to hear you got everyone over 100 VP. Must be a huge burden off your shoulders.

Appreciate your recommendations, though as of right now, honestly, I have no interest in exploring the sexual side of being Andi. Should that change, though, I will keep it in mind.

Thank you(?) for the Sam statue. Unfortunately I do not have room for it in the Suite, so I'll ask Sam if she's interested in keeping it for me. Oh, speaking of which, Sam mentioned she got a letter from some 'Glitterdust' character who tried to send her a magical scroll intended to **** me to stay in Andi form or die from psychic damage. Might want to check on that. The scroll didn't make it, so I'm sure either Ms. E or Arabella intercepted it, but still... Other Hosts might be less vigilant, or more willing to cause chaos for their Masters.

At some point when this is all over, if you can, I'd like to meet under happier circumstances and meet your harem as well. At least Skye (whom Emi considers a friend) and Scarlet (who gave Marissa news that allowed her to contact her mentor and find some comfort in the messaging). I hear some of your other harem have reached out to some of mine, too, so perhaps someday we can just organize a big meetup.

Not much more to say on our end, challenge is coming up. Fingers crossed – this time, I have no control over the outcome. But I do have a veto, which at least is something.

Good luck with the endgame, Harper! Get them through the finish line.

Warmly,

Andy

Harper feels appreciative of her inter-dimensional pen pal. Even if she couldn’t devote enough time to him yesterday. She sits to write back:

Andy,

Yeah, the dimensions these shows are set in can have some really screwy time effects. While we perceive time traveling at the usual rate while we are here, they are definitely out of sync from our usual realities. I mean, most seasons run this ‘gag’ where they pause reality for a week to let the audience vote for transformations and reveal the results minutes or seconds later. It’s hard to measure from here, but I’m pretty sure the length of a second on your set’s dimension is waaay smaller than the length in mine. I’m no chronomancer nor quantum physicist, so I only have a tenuous grasp at all of this, too. I will tell you that the whole ‘a letter I sent got to it’s destination before I wrote it’ thing literally happened to us the first time we wrote to another season, so...

As I mentioned, I submitted myself to Scarlet’s treatment. Even tweaked the dosage already. It’s very apropos of the show. So, every time I feel the ache of longing is too much, I need to bring one of mine to orgasm and the pain subsides. It’s sticking a band-aid on a major wound, of course, but it allows me to function for them while the wound slowly heals on it’s own. And it is healing, slowly.

I worry about what that hag has in store for us in a few days myself. I know we’ll succeed, but the pain she can inflict before we do is bothersome. Her cruelty is only surpassed by her incompetence. Hoping the latter means her ability to inflict the former is limited.

We’ll lump the sex and transformation stuff together here. Again, I am probably not the best one to talk about it, as, by the one time I was able to have sex as a man, I was so... diminished that I cannot imagine wanting to do that again. Maybe if I focus on the mermaid blowjobs I got I could see the desire? Still, Mark would probably be a better guide for that. He can freely swap and he seems to struggle with sexy times in Mary form (though he is more open to it than you seem to be). And yes, I can aesthetically acknowledge that Andi should be reasonably attractive, but I just can’t feel it with the cat allergy transformation. Despite knowing that most of yours would not wish to spend that sort of time with you as Andi, I want you to look your best.

As a side note, is it weird how open me and mine are about sex? Maybe the show has warped our brains too much.

I seem to be indirectly tormenting Sam with my gifts, aren’t I? I’ll hopefully do better next time.

Despite seeming to have already written to you about it, I am still dealing with that situation with Glitterdust. She is a handful and really, REALLY should have thought about the implications of Sam following through with her frankly insane plan. But, Glitter is one of mine and we need to work this out for all of our sakes. I will note that your particular ‘next plan’ for Glitter wouldn’t exactly work the way you suggested, at least in our system (I don’t know much about Pathfinder. That game seems to have developed due to things that did not happen in my dimension?). Alter Self only lasts an hour and Geas auto-fails if the command is impossible to follow. So, her using Geas to order another guy to cast Alter Self to ‘be a girl’ would result in only appearing as a girl for an hour. It takes a really high level transmutation spell to make a one-time cast permanent. Is she crazy enough to expend a Scroll of True Polymorph for that? Maybe, but those are incredibly hard to find. And I’ll stop her if she tries. No need to make anyone else suffer like I had if I can avoid it.

I look forward to our next meeting. And you next letter.

Regards,

Harper

With a smile, Eilistraee notes, “I’ll get that and the few response letters some of your current/future wives over to that season in a bit. How about the two of you enjoy some more time here, have some more of the mersu or try the sesame date buns if you like. Scarlet will be handing you a fun little mystery to solve before your date. Calypso wanted to talk with you anyways. Enjoy.”

Tina

Tina is laying on her bed, her new edging toy intermittently buzzing away in her panties. She has a couple of letters to address and wants to get them done. She pulls out the first one. It’s from her superfan:

Hi Tina, hi Daphne,

Wow, your letter made me laugh out loud. You don’t really hold back, do you? I’m glad you’re enjoying your season! I like to keep at least a little mystery, even if the cameras don’t. Still, thank you — it’s nice to hear someone having fun with all of this.

About your custom vid offer, Tina… honestly, that’s a pretty wild gift. I think I’d ask for something silly instead of sexy. Maybe you could do a “great magic act gone wrong” kind of thing? Like, pull a rabbit out of a hat and then act horrified because the rabbit turns into, I don’t know, a rubber chicken or a pair of socks? Something ridiculous. That feels more my style. Although, toss in a little sexy if you want. Not going to complain about that.

Daphne — oh no, you ate the coffee beans raw? That explains why you called them “gritty.” You’re not supposed to eat them like that! You’re supposed to grind them up and brew them with hot water. I'm sorry, I thought your season had coffee grinders. I have attached a packet of instant coffee powder. It's not the greatest quality, but it should be easy. You literally pour the powder in a mug, then pour hot water into the mug, then mix until the powder is dissolved. That's the coffee.

Also, your character sheet made me smile. A real-life Level 12 mermaid wizard sounds like a lot of fun at the table. I do run a Pathfinder game, but my current group is still level 1 (if they ever succeed at not dying, they may eventually level up) and is already a full house. Once this campaign is over, though, I’d love to invite you in. Actually, someone else from another season asked me to get in too. Maybe I can start running an inter-seasonal Pathfinder game! That could be fun. For now, keep that character sheet safe — I bet we can find a place for her someday. And snacks are always welcome… uh, maybe you can bring the testicles for yourself, we don't usually eat those here.

Thanks again for writing, both of you. You’re chaotic and hilarious, and I appreciate the energy!

-Sam

Hey, that was more for Daph than for me!

“Hi Sam! I’m glad I added a little bit of joy in your life! I’ll get my little brain a’turning about a magic act gone wrong. I’ll come up with something. Now, what spells have I not figured out a way to work into my act yet? Hmmm... Something to plot when I’m not answering thank you letters. I’ll get back to you when I got it ready!”

Tina turns to her other letter. She reads:

Tina,

Thank you so much for your video, that was so much fun! You seem like a very energetic and fun person. Not sure why you think my dream is Emi, but – oh, wait, yours is an all-girls season, isn't it? Okay, now I get it. I'm not going to lie, Emi's hugs are the best. She wraps you up in her arms and you feel like nothing can hurt you. It feels very safe and snuggly, and never creepy. I highly recommend it.

And don't worry about the encouragement, Andy and I had had some good times together on our last date, and he made me cry today when he gave me a present I had not expected in a million years. Two, actually. Uh, look, I'm not sure what Laura you're referring to, but the only one I know of is... dead, I think.

Anyway, thank you for the rabbit headband, I love it! Your ears are cuter, of course. Do I want to know what an eargasm effect is?

I noticed you don't know what a concierge does, so I'm sending you a copy of 'The Duty of the Concierge', a book I read when I started out. Ignore the title, it's pretentious. The writing is fun and engaging! Hopefully this will explain what a concierge does, much better than I could ever do it.

Thank you for your message, and please thank your Mistress's wife for thinking of me!

-Dawn.

Tina beams at the positive message. She frowns a little at the book. That looks like homework.

“Hi, Dawn! I’m glad I was so fun for you! Nice to hear that Emi’s hugs are the best! My fish-girlfriend, Daphne, loves hugs. Maybe I could get an Emi hug for her some time?

Also glad you like your Andy guy. It would suck if you’re stuck inside a harem for someone you don’t like. Mattie was in that situation and she complains about it a lot, when we let her.

Oh, the Laura I was referring to is a different girl from a different season. Hi Laura! She’s all muscle mommy, like my wolf-girlfriend. I wrote to her once and, so, whenever I happen to think about her while talking through one of these video letters, I try to at least say ‘Hi’! I’ll probably do the same for you now! Sorry about your dead friend?”

“Thank you! I love my ears!” Tina exclaims as she starts to play with them. “Oh, and an eargasm is when you cum from someone playing with your ears. Easily in the top five ways of orgasming! So, the order goes: cunnilingus, fingering, the crazy succubus kiss power my Mistress picked up on my date with her this week, eargasm, then clit play with a vibe wand in the shower. I’d recommend you try them all! Maybe get your Andy to pick up the kiss power. Not sure if Harper would be too excited to kiss you, especially like that, what with you not being in her harem and everything.

Finally, thank you for... the book. I will be sure to read it. And I will definitely report to Skye that I did an excellent video letter speaking job!

Daphne

Daphne is also laying in her room. She could go to the dungeon, but it’s not like she’s going to make a sale while everyone is answering letters. The mermaid reads her copy of Sam’s thank you letter, then responds.

“I’m thrilled I made you happy. Yes, being with my Beloved is super great!

Yeah, Scarlet, my oread girlfriend, said something similar when I got the beans. She still hasn’t gotten them back to me when she took them. I guess she gave them to my Beloved for safekeeping until she can make it right for me? I know my Beloved has a coffee grinder. She made coffee for the others before. I tried a sample of hers to find out that it’s not salty enough in the first place.”

Daphne looks at the packet, rereading the instructions, both on the packet and in the letter. With a “yeah, I’m not doing that,” the mermaid tears into the packet and dumps the entire contents in her mouth. She spits most of the resulting sludge out, trying to scrape her tongue as best as she can.

“That was even grittier. Still not salty enough. Very bitter. Are you edible pebble **** from vegetables? I found that that they were poison when my Beloved was trying to introduce me to some new human food. It was this vegetable called wasabi? I popped the whole glob in and it was super gross.

I am glad you approve of my wizarding power and ability. I will warn you, I should level up some more before I get to your table, so you may want to prep something really high level. And I will be sure to eat your share of fish testicles!”

Daphne turns to read the response to her actual letter:

"Daphne, thank you for the letter. Are you really a mermaid? What's a dungeon mermaid? Is it a mermaid with an eel body? I'm sorry, I hope I'm not offending, I'm just a little confused. Your letter did make me very happy, thank you for brightening my day.

I don't know what 'Dungeons of Delving' is, but I think you mean Pathfinder? Yes, we played one session. We died. But I did create haunted underwear! Maybe next time, it will go better.

Thank you for the potions, I will admit I'm not sure about the flavor (did you ask your Beloved or your friends Tina and Scarlet for advice about flavoring?). Thank you for the offer to buy a pool, too, but our pool can switch from saltwater to freshwater and back. Also, we have an ocean. You're so sweet, though!

I asked Sam if you were in the video you mentioned, and made a sketch of you based on it. I hope you like it. I'm sending you a six-armed hug, too!

Emi

Awww! I look so cute! Daphne does her little wiggle dance, admiring the sketch. It makes her smile. Oh, I should probably respond to the letter!

“Yup, I am a real live mermaid! With the gills and the fins and the super sexy teeth and everything. My Beloved got me a transformation to have weird human legs while on land, so I don’t always look right. Before I messed with my family’s genetics as part of a challenge, one of my frenzy had an eely body, but we all look kind of betta fish-y (like me!) now. I’m glad I made you feel good!

A dungeon mermaid is my version of what Sam did in your game. You know, being a DM? DM, dungeon mermaid, makes sense, right? Sorry, I wrote my letter to you before I saw that you already played.

You are welcome for the potions. The flavor choices were all me! My Beloved has some strange tastes in flavors, sometimes. You believe she actually tries to make me eat vegetables? Good to hear about the pool flipping back and forth. My Beloved has a saltwater pool in the Master’s Suite, but we don’t have access to one outside of that. I mean, I guess I can turn my One-Shot Room into a saltwater pool or a fake ocean again whenever I want, but still... They actually won’t let me swim in the real ocean here. They’re afraid I’ll use the ocean access to sneak into the staff only section.

I love the picture! I look so cute! Thank you! I have this empty frame hanging up for when Hardric writes to me for the first time, but I can always get a new one for his letter when it comes!”

Daphne takes the 5 minutes she needs to hang up her sketch. Man, frames are tricky. Then, happy about a job well done, she admires the sketch again.