Patrolin' the Streets in a Sweet Ride

"Alright, we're gonna go catch us some bad guys, right, Officer Guzzle?" you ask, dropping your voice an octave as you march through the precinct, dick bouncing with each step. You're a grizzled cop now, and you gotta sound like a man who's seen too much irredeemable trash in the world to believe you're making much of a difference. But you still got a job to do, and by God you're gonna do it.

"You're such an idiot," Maxine sneers, a half-step behind you. "What's with that voice? You sound like you've caught a head cold, moron. And my name is Officer Guzz, asshole."

You stop and whip around, your cock slapping against Max's thigh. She squeaks in surprise, but manages to turn it into a snarl, glaring at you. You grin in her face, moving the toothpick in your mouth from one side to the other as you reach around to squeeze her firm ass cheeks.

"That's what I said," you chuckle, dropping your Grizzled Cop voice. "Officer Guzzle. As in guzzle my cock, **** on my dick, and swallow my sperm. That's you, honey," you smirk, shifting your hips to drag your half-hard cock over her thigh, her shorts, her toned belly. A bead of precum glistens on her skin as you tease your head up and down the inside of her leg.

Her face goes red, and you see her hands balled into fists. Her nostrils flare, and you hear the slightest tremble in her voice as she grates out, "Fuck you, asshole."

You laugh and smack your cock upwards, slapping her pussy with your dick, eliciting a barely stifled gasp before you pull away. Your smile widens as you rub your shaft, meeting Max's hateful gaze.

"Maybe later, bitch. For now, we've got a facefucker to catch. So! Let's go hit the streets!"

You turn around and march off, feeling like a king as you look around at all the tight, fuckable babes that surround you.

Max runs up beside you, spluttering as she adjusts her leather shorts. "Hit the streets? What, did Agent Frelling give you a lead or something?"

You shake your head, still marching with purpose. "Nah, Choco-tits didn't say anything about any leads. But in all the cop shows, the loose cannon goes out, finds some perps, roughs em up, and then cracks the case wiiiide open!" Your grin turns feral as you imagine what else you're gonna crack open here in Girlsville.

Maxine scoffs and shakes her head. "You're an idiot. What are some street level punks gonna know?"

You shrug, not really paying attention, as a redhead officer struggles by with a half-dressed latina wearing denim bootyshorts and what looks like a napkin for a top. The latina shouts in Spanish and starts trying to get loose, although from where you're standing it looks like she's just twerking violently into the redhead's crotch. The redhead cries out for help, and a swarm of girl-cops descend on the latina, pulling out handcuffs, vibrators, a massive dildo...

Your cock hardens as the latina's cries turn decidedly orgasmic.

"Patrol car. Now!" you snap at Maxine, whose jaw was hanging open at the sight of the latina perp being passed around from cop to cop. She jerks in surprise and scowls at you, taking the lead. You follow, your eyes glued to her tight ass.

A few minutes later, she leads you outside, into a parking lot. Night has fallen, and a light drizzle mists the air. You don't mind too much; it feels kinda nice, plus it makes Guzzle's fucktoy body glisten. Fuck, you're gonna have to bust a nut in this bitch soon!

To your surprise (well, surprised as you can be while eye-fucking a half-naked skank), Guzzle doesn't hop into the nearest patrol car, or the next one, or the one after that. This starts to piss you off; you've been walking for nearly five whole minutes, and you haven't gotten your dick sucked in about fifteen. How can you be expected to keep your cool under these conditions?! It's inhumane! As you pass car after car, the last of your patience runs out, and your caveman impulsivity steps in.

"Pick a car, bitch, I haven't got all day!"

There's the smooth talking detective we all know and love.

Max doesn't look back, just raises a hand, middle finger extended, and keeps walking. Well, strutting now; it almost looks like she's trying to knock out an invisible assailant with her hips.

You scoff, dick hardening as you consider grabbing the insolent cunt by the hair, bending her over the trunk of the nearest patrol car, and caving in her asshole. You decide to go for it, but as you begin to quicken your pace, hands itching to feel her body struggling beneath you, she stops.

"This is the one," she says dismissively, hands on her shapely hips.

You pause, hands outstretched, and blink.

There's nothing there.

"There's nothing there!" you complain, hands still hanging in midair.

Maxine snorts impatiently, striding away. "What, are you blind as well as dumb, idiot?" She pauses then yells, "Take off your sunglasses, dumbfuck, it's night!"

You scowl and reach up to remove your shades, making a mental note to get her back for her rudeness. As the sunglasses come off, you see the sleek curves of a pitch-black car, looking more like some kind of predatory cat than the box on wheels that the other patrol cars resemble. The dim lights of a nearby lamppost are completely swallowed up by the car, leaving practically no hint of its presence, save for a vague, car-shaped outline. As you walk around the car, whistling in appreciation for its barely seen beauty, you notice an oscillating strip of dark red light in the center of the hood.

"Wow," you say. Yeah, that encapsulates the high-tech marvel of this thing, ya mouthbreather. "What is this? Like a...Mercedes...Nova...Ferrari-ghini?" You weren't much of a car guy in life, but you're a dude, and she's a chick, so there's no way she'll know more about cars than you, and a Nova Ferrari-ghini sounds pretty legit.

There's a blank silence, broken only by the soft pattering of rain.

Finally, Max starts to answer, "No, you neanderthal, it's a-"

'k.u.n.t.'