One little mistake turns into a big one as you see what really became of Excellence Girl... [part 3, conclusion]

"And," Lexington is already retrieving his pants and pulling his jacket back on, "I told you that I don't care that you call yourself a 'hero', I don't take orders from you. What do you care, alien? Are you going to accuse me of getting you dirty with my mere human bodily fluids after you trashed my headquarters and my office? If you wanted to taste it so much, go ahead and lick it off your fingers." he says casually.

Excellence Girl puts her hand over her eyes and groans, popping a squat and spreading her legs wide. "Damn it, you and your gullibility for theories...! I'm NOT an alien, you idiot! That was just another conjecture by that poor doctor you kidnapped, I had an adventure with the Big 7 a couple weeks ago after Chronosphere invented his Time Gate, and found out that I actually have superpowers because I'm a descendant of the royal family from ancient Atlantis! I mean, I always SAID that everyone should be skeptical that I was from another planet just because I was found in a stasis chamber that fell from the sky, you never thought it was weird that I look exactly fucking identical to a human?"

"What?" Lorne looks shaken and conflicted. "You mean.. all along I... I wasn't doing all of this so that I could protect humanity from an extraterrestrial menace...?" He then shakes his head. "Well. You're still a menace, just like all the rest of those so-called super-"

"SHUT UP!" Excellence Girl shouts deafeningly loudly, wincing as she spreads her pussy open with two fingers, letting a few dribbles and droplets of pearly white goo leak out. "You know how you've tried to use knockout gas on me and it never worked because I'm immune to it? Do the math, genius! It means that... ughhhh... and I was thinking that Johnny was a wimp for always insisting on stopping and going to find a condom whenever we started fooling around on the spur of the moment..."

Lexington clears his throat and knits his brow. "Ah. Oh." Excellence Girl sees that no more cum is coming out and stands up, crossing her arms over her chest sternly. "Uhhh, yeah, 'oh'." she says, deepening her voice mockingly. "I'm gonna make sure you don't dodge jail THIS time, but not before I fly home and douche harder than I've ever-" she stops and her eyes widen before cupping a hand under her ear. "Those are... wings... big wings... and a neigh. FUCK! Hurry and zip your pants back up!" She does an awkward dance, spreading her legs and fumblingly slipping her leg back through the other hole in her dangling red panties.

Mere seconds after she's finished pulling them up, A buff, shirtless, bronze-skinned man in a gleaming gold helmet and carrying an embossed shield enters the room, astride a magnificent winged horse with alabaster white fur. "Ho! The Mighty Bellerophon hath arrived! Woe upon thee, you demon, for the havoc thou hast wrought upon the polis which bears mine sworn protection!" He then looks to E.G., who is blushing and looking at her feet. "Ah! I see that the battle art already decided by the hands of our mightiest heroine! And verily, what a battle! I see that whatever automaton thou devised, villain, she tore asunder so thoroughly that nary even a shard of scrap remains! But, forsooth! Your demonic devices have been disabled! Whatever threat thou thoughtst ye could bring to bear for thy freedom, villain, it is gone!"

"Yeah, uh," Excellence Girl swallows and dabs some sweat from her forehead. "You... you take it from here, Belly. I need to go, like, recover from the titanic clash." Without waiting for the mythic hero to respond she leaps out of the window and takes off like a bullet.

The screen of the video goes black for a moment, but it's not finished. A date in simple white letters flashes on the screen: 02/13/1987. The camera shows the front steps of a courthouse with a swarm of dozens upon hundreds of prominent citizens and reporters crowding around the steps. The vast crowd flies into a frenzy when the courtroom doors open and Lorne Lexington, wearing a simple black business suit, strides out confidently, flanked by an escort of a dozen police officers, circling around him and holding back the press of reporters trying to thrust microphones in his face. "Mr. Lexington! Does this mean you are returning to your leadership position at ConTech?" "Mr. Lexington! Do you have any comment on allegations that you corrupted witnesses in your trial?" "Mr. Lexington! Do you have any response to Maiden America calling this a 'black day for America, a travesty of justice?!" "Mr. Lexington, some have said that your offers to pay for the damages caused by the plasma reactor incident last June are a cowardly public relations stunt?"

Stone faced and disdainful, and looking even more muscular after seven months in a supervillain prison than he had before he went in, Lorne ignores all of them as he makes his way down to a lengthy black limousine awaiting him and slides in to the seat, barely looking to the side. "Thank you, Miss Tomey." he says to his loyal chauffeur. "No need to stop at home. Bring me straight to ConTech headquarters. I've already lost so much time, I've got to start work on the new invention I've gotten inspiration for thanks to a friend I made inside the lockup, so I can bring our fortunes back from the brink and develop the tool that will finally put an end to the meddling of those ridiculous capes..."

After a few minutes though, there are two slams and a rush of air, causing Lorne's tie to flutter over his shoulder. He shakes his head in bewilderment. "What- Mandy!! Did you just remotely open the side door in the middle of the highway? What are you think-"

"Hello, Lorne." a flat, deeply frustrated and familiar female voice comes to him from off-frame to his side. When Lorne turns to look at the seat beside him in shock, the point of view of the camera turns with him to show none other than Excellence Girl sitting a few feet away from him on the fancy Italian leather car seats. But although the gorgeous young blonde woman is wearing her usual costume and otherwise quite visually distinctive, there is... something different about her this time, as Lorne's heart can be seen missing a beat as he looks down. Excellence Girl continues speaking sardonically: "As you can see, you don't have to worry about me helping myself to your personal minibar like I did the first time I surprised you in one of your limos. I do have a craving for something sweet, though, but I'm sure you won't mind if I clean out your minifridge."

Excellence Girl is looking as radiant as ever, sitting there with her legs crossed causing her blue miniskirt to ride high up on her thighs. Her skimpy midriff-baring white top is even looking a bit tighter and fuller than normal. But the real 'issue', so to speak, was the fact that her skimpy attire does nothing to hide the fact that her formerly slender, toned tummy is now a huge spherical bulge protruding out so far in front of her hips that she can barely sit straight. Her formerly 'innie' belly button is now an 'outie'. Judging by the stern, icy expression on her face, Excellence Girl isn't particularly thrilled about these changes.

"There's... that can't be possible, you're an inhuman and I'm just a man..." Lorne starts shaking his head, speaking weakly. "it must have been one of those other car-lifting capes who..."

"If only." the blonde, blue-eyed bombshell says, rolling her eyes. "You get the irony, right? You wasted all those millions of dollars trying to find my weakness..." even though she is speaking lightly, the camera shows that she is having to blink back tears in her soft blue eyes and her chest is faintly quivering, "...and you had the one hole in my invulnerability between your legs the entire time. When I started spending every morning kneeling over my toilet throwing up, I tried to tell myself it couldn't possibly be this because I'd washed myself out... then I talked to Dr. Morpho and found out that douching was the exact opposite of what I should have done. You fucker. You absolute fucker. Those normal, non-powered girls who get in this situation, well, they can at least slap the asshole responsible as hard as they want to. If I did that, your poor serving staff would be stuck with cleaning the blood and brains out of the upholstery in here for weeks."

Lorne thrusts his chest out, defiant to the end as always. "You admitted that you'd just had sex with your boyfriend days before you invaded my office like that! Dozens of times, probably! He-"

"HE was always careful. HE wore a condom every time!" Excellence Girl grits her teeth. "You know what this is just as much as I do, you asshole! And so Dr. Morpho, who gave your overworked personal assistant a much needed nap and shape-shifted to impersonate her before coming to pick you up, here, is driving you straight to the League of Propriety headquarters where you are going to have a long talk with a LITERALLY high-powered lawyer."

She reaches into the mini-fridge near her - which is quite awkward and requires some shifting and straining on her part thanks to her big, swollen belly getting in the way - and pulls out a small plate with a few apples and a couple of walnuts. "Ugh. No ice cream or chocolate or anything, nothing but health-food crap. At least there's something here to help me show you your immediate future if you decide to try and call your corporate goons or run out on me and make this difficult." She picks up the apple and makes a fist - causing an explosion of juice and pulp as tiny bits of it go flying every which way from between her fingers. She wipes her applesauce-covered palm off on his suit. "Wait, no. I have a better one." She picks up the two unshelled walnuts, makes sure Lorne gets a good look at them, and then makes a fist with a crunch. When she opens her hand, what falls out is not even dust or paste, but an extremely compressed brown nugget the size of a pea.

Defensively recoiling against his side of the limo and seemingly considering pulling the door open and leaping out, Lorne's eyes flick back and forth. "You... you can bend steel with your bare hands. Are you going to claim that I **** you? I'll tell the whole world that you **** me to!"

"Don't rub it in, damn it!" Excellence girl wipes away tears and grits her teeth. "What, did you think I was taking you there so I could try to get money out of you or something? That's why you're a free man today, idiot! Your defense lawyer made a deal with my counsel not to release all the evidence the League had, in exchange for YOU not sinking to the level we all know you're capable of and accusing me of ****." she wraps her hand around his neck and squeezes, making his eyes bulge out. "But I know that you have big plans and ambitions to run for office. So that's going to be part of the deal you're going to sign. You are THROUGH, out of the supervillain game, because otherwise then whenever you think you've won and you're doing your victory lap and running for governor, the first baby that's going to be brought to your political rally for you to kiss is going to be your illegitimate daughter. I'm the witness you can't bribe, or kidnap, or threaten. And believe me, I hope I never have to tell her. I'd much rather say that her dad was some random guy in an alley behind a bar who never even knew my first name."

The unspoken irony being, of course, that despite all of his efforts and preoccupation with her, Lexington never did successfully find out her secret identity or civilian name, assuming she even had one.

Lorne begins rubbing his hands together, and then - to Excellence Girl's visible shock, suddenly breaks into a toothy smile. "Let's not be too hasty. You know, I've sometimes thought that my empire will some day require an heir, and-"

The camera pans back to reveal the windows on the limo shattering with the **** of Excellence Girl's 300 decibel level scream/groan of frustration.

Following that, the screen of the video goes black and is replaced by scrolling white text:

'Postscript 12/5/1988: Although it is unfortunate for Excellence Girl, this has proven to be an 'excellent' demonstration of the incredible power of Celluloid Crusader's Postpsychometric Camera! From this point forward, this device will henceforth be used for the purpose of record-keeping and to ensure that, in case of tragic circumstances or villainous activity, there is a record of unintended pregnancies concerning or involving members of the League of Propriety which have otherwise had all records destroyed and any parties involved sworn to secrecy. Because of the need to ensure compliance with the mandate of the Department of Vigilante and Superhuman Oversight, this policy is not up for revision at this time. Due to the wording of said mandate, these records will be kept even if neither parent has any extrahuman abilities, though incidents involving only non-empowered, non-costumed human employees of the League are beyond the scope of this system. For incidents involving NCPs ("Non-costumed Powers") working for the League, refer to volume 1.

Excellence Girl, real name [REDACTED], has returned to her home state of [REDACTED] in the Midwestern U.S., where she gave birth to a healthy girl who is being raised by her (adopted) aunt (who had struggled with infertility in the past) since the child turned 2 years old, so that Excellence Girl could return to her work at the urging of fellow League members. However, Excellence Girl has insisted on resigning from the League and going solo from this point so she can remain living close to [REDACTED]. Although making value judgments is beyond my responsibilities here, note that she has done great work helping the people of her home region with disasters and cleaning up small-time crime and villainy, as well as thwarting one major attempted [REDACTED] incursion disguising their activities as a religious revival. There are no indications that anyone outside the League has ever learned of the reasons behind [REDACTED]'s birth, or that the heroine herself was ever pregnant, thanks to Excellence Girl being replaced by doubles in public appearances during the time her pregnancy would have been showing and only venturing outside for extremely brief periods while flying at high speed. Because Excellence Girl is currently believed to have been empowered by strange physical forces relating to her heritage as royalty from an ancient lost civilization, it is unclear if her child will develop similar abilities but limited preliminary testing indicated that L[REDACTED] is indistinguishable from a typical human.

As of this time, there is no credible evidence that known supervillain Lorne Lexington has engaged in any further lawbreaking beyond the level of tax evasion and corporate malfeasance, and has since become Lieutenant Governor under [REDACTED], at the end of whose term he is expected to seek election himself. For the sake of Excellence Girl's reputation, should he return to villainous activities, the use of this video should be considered an absolute last resort.'

You and Bones sit staring silently at the screen as the video stops. "Wow. That's like... I had no idea that the League of Propriety was such a soap opera." you say, trying to suppress your giddiness and the voyeuristic thrill at having seen such secrets.

"Yeah, no kidding. And it looks like somebody there is willing to kill to cover up their dirty secrets." Bones says with a frown. "If Alan suspected the Company was involved, well, this all but confirms it. If they got their hands on this kind of **** material the most powerful non-governmental superpower on the planet would be as good as in their pocket. We can't let them retrieve... hey, Bunny! What are you doing?" she sits up as she sees you rooting around in the case.

"Let's watch another one!" you say.