One Foot In The Door

He misreads the look on my face. He thinks I’m not ready or I’m not interested or something, but whatever it is he sees in me it makes it so that he blinks first.

Lucas breaks and he smiles and he lets go of my drink once I have it and then steps back. I try not to make it obvious, the shiver that runs through me and the confusion of feelings as once more I get a glance of a future that I do not understand.

"Oh don't mind me," he says dismissively, as if he hadn't been clearly doing what he was doing just then, "I'm just a man far too old for his own good and I don't have any sort of right to say anything I just said. Not your dad or your parental figure or mentor or nothing like that. I'm just your landlord, so you don't need to pay me no mind."

I didn't like the awe shucks nature of his talk right now and I didn’t appreciate that he kept on calling himself old, because truthfully he didn’t seem that old to me. But at least the change of pace meant he wasn't confusing my mind anymore and making me think all sorts of things I shouldn't. I was grateful, in some small way, that he gave me that out and I wasn't dumb enough to turn my back on it.

"I appreciate it all the same," I said, "It's... well this is all new to me. If it's okay with you I think I would like to come to you for advice, from time to time. I don't know whether or how or any of..."

My voice trailed away, my thoughts catching up with my words as I tried to process why I was saying this because it wasn't in any way about comforting or making him feel like he hadn't overstepped, it was entirely about making sure the door was still open.

New life, I guess. New life and new version of all of this. New chance to avoid old mistakes, and one of them might just have been keeping Lucas at a distance.

Oh hell, who was I kidding. If I'd made one mistake in my old life it was keeping everyone at a distance. Everyone but Eddie was kept as far away as I could manage and now I'd gotten a second chance and while I was bound and determined to find the old woman and set this to rights, well that didn't mean there couldn't be some lessons learned along the way.

"Of course, Emily," he said, "Anything you need you just drop by. I'm going to be around for a good few weeks at least, got some business in town that'll keep me here. I live pretty quiet while I'm here and you've got the run of the house, if you see me and you want to talk just pipe up and I'll do the same. How does that sound?"

Lucas smiles at me, and it feels honest. It makes me smile back, grinning lopsided and nodding my head.

"That sounds great."

In my pocket my phone buzzes again. Almost unconsciously I grab it out and thumb it open, rolling my eyes and swiping away a notification that has Blake's name emblazoned at the top of it.

From across the room Lucas chuckles, "Trouble?"

"Someone from school," I tried to explain, then realized there was no answer I could even remotely and succinctly give so I went with a lie instead, "Trying to figure out the plans for tonight. There is some dance we have to show up to."

"A dance?" he asked, "Sounds like fun."

"A themed dance," I expanded, "Sounds like ****."

Lucas laughed at that, nodding along understandingly, "Hey though. I can't remember the last time I went to something like that. I don't want to sound older than I already do to you and start going on about how youth is wasted on the young, but you take advantage of those times while you can. My dance card isn't exactly full right now and even if it was no one is inviting me to any costume balls."

"Maybe you're just dating the wrong kind of girls?" I suggested, but when he raised an eyebrow I realized we were veering closer to unwelcome territory once more, "Or maybe you just aren't getting out there enough."

He laughed, "Maybe. Yeah if you're gonna accuse me of being a homebody you're going to have plenty of evidence of that living here in this house. Try not to hold it against me?"

"I'll do my best," I said, “I’ll try to… to keep an open mind.”

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