Oh hell yeah

Disbelief rocked your body. Before you passed out, you did remember seeing some creature. You had thought it was a dream, but faced with this sight before you, were beginning to second guess that conclusion.

“Ewwww,” you shouted , then swiped at the thing as if you were swatting a fly. Your hand connected with his head, sending the creature flying into the door and slowly streaking down the wood. You tried to make it to the door but it rose again quickly, flying up to your hair and painfully jerking it.

“You stupid bitch! You filthy slut! I’ll teach you to fuck with me,” it shouted, continuing to pluck at your hair as you ran around the kitchen in hysteria. In your stupor you ran into the kitchen’s island, a flat slab of marble, knocking over a radio as you did.

It snapped to life after its first impact, resuming the radio station broadcast it had been on the last time it was used.

“-and to keep this classics Monday going,” a station host began to chirp in an upbeat tone, “here’s little Richard, long tall sally.”

*Gonna tell Aunt Mary 'bout Uncle John

He claims he has the music

But he has a lot of fun

Oh baby

Yes baby

Wooh baby

Havin' me some fun tonight, yeah*

And there you had it. The strangest situation you had ever found yourself in, running around a kitchen with a monster stuck to your head, to the tune of long tall sally of all things. Eventually you just resorted to thrashing around the place, smacking your head against everything you could in an attempt to free yourself.

You knocked over pots and pans, lamps and fridge magnets, yet it still would not relinquish you. Needing a better plan of attack, it took catching a reflection of yourself in the oven's glass to find one. That glimpse at just how small this creature was sold it.

You stopped thrashing and reached your right hand back, grabbing it by the head and jerking it off you.

“Fuck you,” it shouted in your grip as you brought it before your eyes.

“What the fuck? Fuck you,” you shouted back, tossing the thing across the room.

Knowing you needed a weapon, you ran behind the island and grabbed one of the frying pans you had knocked over earlier. When you rose again to meet your attacker, you found it had completely vanished.

“Shit,” you muttered, clutching the pan in both hands as you cautiously looked around the room.

“Right here, you dumb bitch,” it shouted from behind. You didn’t have time to turn around before a pot was thrown on your head like a helmet five sizes too big for you. Swinging blind, you lashed out into the darkness, each swing missing to the imp's taunting laughs.

Eventually it decided to latch onto your face again, this time the front. Mounting you like a horny dog, you could feel its waist recoil ready to thrust. You were quicker, slamming the frying pain into it to a satisfying dong of hollow metal. Good thing you were wearing the pot or that would’ve hurt. Throwing off the now dented helmet, you gave the imp another clatter with the pan before picking its limp body off the ground by the head and looking around. The oven would take too long, and there was a blender but you’d already broken that when you were running around.

Fortunately, there was a microwave.

“Impy,” you cooed with confidence, “you’re a little wound up. I think you need to defrost.”

You threw open the door to the microwave and tossed the imp in, twisting the dials to turn it on and throwing you weight against the door, making sure it wasnt going anywhere.

“You goddamn whore I’m going to get you for this,” it shouted. An empty threat..