Of Past and Present

The journey home was a grim reminder of your failure. Cutting through the narrow, dingy alleys, you were put face to face with how hard things were getting. Food has been getting harder to come by, people are struggling, and the bureaucrats and leaders of the Purshand Empire seemed uninterested or incapable of doing anything about it. Corruption was seeping in, which in combination with the other matters, is what had lead to the creation of the empire in the first place. You've seen it countless times in as many months; people feeling powerless to solve the problems, or improve their individual situations. As you looked at the faces of your fellow citizens, those you've been trying to help, you could sense judgement. None had said anything, but you felt as if they knew you had done nothing to fix this, that you were part of the problem, rather than the solution.

You reminded yourself this was untrue, sparring with your own voices internally. The first thing was the reminder that they weren't judging you. Probably. You were doing more for the common citizen than most of your class. The only ones who knew about your unsuccessful burglary were the people involved in it. None of these folks would know you came up short unless you'd told them. As you rounded a corner, heading to the more dense areas of the city, you acknowledged that anyone who may be judging you, simply because of your fanciful attire displaying clear wealth, saying anything to them would scarcely make a difference. Lastly, you were going to do something about this, even if you came up short. You patted a small coin purse on your side, for mental satisfaction. It was your own money, that you had brought along just in case this didn't go well. Subjecting yourself to poverty wouldn't solve anything, but you were ready to feel some of the pain yourself if burglarizing the nobility and patrician classes didn't work well.

You'd been hearing sounds from one of the plazas of the city for some time, but it became more evident what was going on as you made a turn on the street and entered it in full. The sights and sounds buoyed your heart, not only for it having distracted you from your own internal discussion. There was a celebratory festival occurring, marking one of the days of Zrajil, Goddess of song and of Birds. Any holiday would be greeted with music, but the square was littered with musicians, dancers, and spectators. A main section had gathered in rehearsed and structured set of music, which had gathered a throng of dancers, while individual performers had also found their place, hoping for any wandering admirers. Market stalls had also been set up or moved, the traders trying to do their best to make ends meet selling to a weary and struggling people. At least within this courtyard, the struggles of the Empire didn't exist.

You walked the perimeter of the festivities, enjoying the atmosphere of the moment without becoming an participant yourself. You slowly shifted through the crowd to a large building of simple stone construction. The loud shouting of tiny, high pitched voices helped give a hint as to the purpose of it, though you had already known it for some time now. It was an orphanage, run by the church of Phoenicia, Sixth of the Six Sisters, Goddess of children and mercy. Not as large as those paired to standing churches, or the Cathedral of the Lost further north, but large enough to help make an impact in the city. Taking donations from the crowd was one of the Sisters; one you had known well. Quraliz, an Orcish cleric hailing from Stoneheart, who had joined you on a few adventures before 'retiring' to this role. Even for orc women, she was quite tall, poised and straight, the pride of herself and her people making her seem all the larger. She was quite pretty in your eyes, the head wrapping she wore accentuated her face well. Like most Orcs in common company of the other children of the Sisters, she was humble and self deprecating of her appearance, feeling herself less than those of humans, elves, and dwarves. You, having known her intimately, knew differently. She had been so distracted with the others around her that she hadn't noticed you until you were close enough to touch.

"Oh! Zada" She called out in a loud surprise, "I didn't expect to see you on a day like today. It's alloutside of normal for you"

"I appreciate music and dance as much as the next person" You retorted slightly "I prayed to Zrajil as a child to be granted the gift of song and voice, you know."

"You've told me, yes. Still, you haven't been much for these kinds of acts for the Gods before. Not much for structure, that I remember"

"Well" You began with a practiced smile "none of that should be getting in the way of what needs to be done" You remove your coin purse and hand it over to her. Quraliz takes it in both hands, never bothering to look at the amount.

"It should be a larger amount, I'm sorry for that."

"Nonsense Zada" the orc cleric was emphatic, with her familiar smile "I couldn't ask for more than what you've already done. It means alot for you to be so concerned for the kids. Fate has already made their lives hard enough, without what's going on now."

"Of course, it's my pleasure. I might not have the cards on my to be a mother myself, but I can still a have a heart for them"

"I wish more would share your spirit" following some shouting, you both looked up at some kids in the window, causing both of you to wave up "You're their hero, you know. Zadamyl, the great Pathfinder."

"Former" You corrected "What about you? You were there with me for a good few adventures, they should hear those stories too, don't you think?"

She shook her head slightly "No. I'm not their mother. None of us Sisters are. We love these kids, but they need to leave at some point. They need to want to leave, and hearing that kind of story can make them want to stay."

"I understand, it must be hard, keeping that kind of distance from them. And, your story deserves to be told. I always thought you were great out there" You reached for her hand "spending time alone together was amazing too. I'd like that again, you know."

There was a slight pain her eyes as she slowly pulled her hand away "Please don't say things like that."

"Why?" You hadn't seen this in her before, "Did I do something?"

"You...complicate things, Zadamyl." It was clearly hard for her to get the words out "I don't want these kids spreading rumors and gossip about whether or not I have a girlfriend, especially someone like you who they already look up to. I can't be a part of what you're doing, and I already feel like I know too much. And" she paused "I need someone with more commitment in them"

"You sound like you want me to propose or something" your confusion coming out

"No, it's not like that. We were never that close. Still, I don't want to be just another one in your long list of romantic flings. You don't stick around, you don't want to be a part of something, at least not for long." She took a long breath "I don't want you to get the wrong idea though. If situations were different, I'd love to be with you again, in and out of the bedroom"

"Thanks, I need that" You stepped close, hands in hers again. You met each other with a kiss, the restraint exhibited on both of your parts obvious to each of you. With a quiet wave, you departed back to your quiet home.

( - )

Having gotten home into your large, opulent apartment, you quickly began to undress. You could smell the scent of stress and sweat upon you, and needed to adress it, keeping yourself fresh, before it soaked into your lovely clothes. You perched yourself in front of a mirror, putting slight touch ups on your appearance as you thought about what your former partner and lover had said, and what next steps may be. You took a quick pause, having noticed an opening of the door behind you.

"Get out Ameda" You pronounced loudly, not bothering to look.

"How did you know it was me?" You heard his Elvish voice as he approached, the game up

"Because only you have the nerve to come into my home without asking permission and without saying anything."

"You let me in before"

"That was a long time ago" you finally turned yourself around "Long enough that you couldn't have left anything that still has any value to you."

"You never know what may have fallen under your bed. It's looking pretty empty lately"

You let out an unmistakable groan. Taking him as a partner was a mistake, one you didn't realize until after his betrayal "so why are you here?"

"Just curious about something. Word on the street is there's a highwaymen on the loose. Some low life saw an enchanting individual hold up at a carriage. Wonder what you know about that?"

"I know you'd be better off asking them, or the authorities. It was you who made it clear your knitting circle doesn't involve itself in the law"

"Easy." He responded, matching your judgemental tone "You seem to put your name on the Pathfinders a lot for someone who wants nothing to do with them anymore."

"You keep harassing me alot for someone who knows that I was kicked out. Even if I wanted, I'm not allowed to help you, remember?"

"You still picking and choosing what rules you're going to follow and what you're going to ignore?"

"Not at all how it is. I'll happily follow the rules and the laws, when they're not stupid and not hurting the people who already need the most help."

"That's not how this works" Ameda responded, with an implied warning.

"I've been hearing that a lot lately."

"Clearly you're not listening" Ameda's judgement of you matched your own of him.

"Because you're wrong. Obviously. Things work the way we say they work."

"That's going to get you in trouble, you know it. This is the Empire of the Sun. Mastro doesn't approve of that thinking, you know that."

"Let that be my problem than. Get out"

"Fine. I'm leaving." He gave a creepy smile "It was certainly nice seeing you again." He let you see his eyes move about your whole body. Though he'd seen you in this way before, it felt remarkably uncomfortable. You collected yourself for a few minutes before continuing onto your next part of the day.