Nothing

In the end, I just scooped her up and carried her upstairs and laid her in bed. We both were silent as I massaged the life back into her arms, rubbed her neck and legs, working out the strain of being bound all night. It was a surprisingly tender moment, and in hindsight I think it surprised us both. I offered her water, again silently, and she accepted, draining two glasses before closing her eyes again. After quite a while she drifted off to actual sleep, curling up against me. I sat there with her coiled in my lap for a long time, until my own legs started to tingle into numbness, before I gently extricated myself from under her and left her to rest.

I went downstairs and made some coffee and toast and just sat and thought. I felt so strange, and I couldn’t really figure out what was happening, or what I wanted to happen. But she hadn’t fought, kicked or screamed, and in the end she’d nuzzled against me for comfort and love.

Clearly we were both fucked up individuals. It made things easier. I wasn’t sure if it exactly confirmed that I’d done the right thing, but it certainly gave me more confidence. She could take a punishment, which meant she could really be trained in the way I was thinking. She would likely push back again, maybe even after she woke, but she had responded to my cruelty by reaching out for support… to me, who had tied her up and choked her with a dildo for nine hours. She’d proven that she loved me already, but it seemed still so hard to accept. My darkness scared me when it poured out of me, how could she not flinch and flee from it?

After a few hours, I heard the shower turn on. I made a fresh pot of coffee, and some eggs and bacon for the two of us. She must be starving. She hadn’t eaten in almost 24 hours. I heard the shower turn off and waited for her to come downstairs.