Not well

In hindsight, I probably should have seen this coming.

At first, things seemed to be off to a good start. Fortunately, I never did grow much body hair, nor did my voice grow too deep, so I'm still able to pass for a girl. This meant I was able to proceed to the trials that were held for new potentials. The fact that I was already dressed as one of them was not lost on the tribeswomen. The one in charge of determining if I was to be accepted - whom I recognized as the warrior with the bow from that night in the tavern - seemed to find that amusing, which is definitely not the worst reaction she could have had.

First came a series of tests of endurance and speed. While I hadn't had the foresight to train for such trials, my years of self-sufficiency probably made me much more prepared than most of the girls who would have applied. In the end I found myself quite exhausted, but satisfied that I had done well. The trials went on to include hunting and skinning a wild animal, which was comfortable and easy for me, as well as archery, which I had taken up after purchasing a bow several years ago.

Then came the combat trials. I lost both of my armed bouts - one with practice swords, another with battle-staves - with tribeswomen who were no older than myself, but I got the sense that this was expected and that I had done well overall. It was the hand-to-hand combat trials which ultimately proved my undoing. Just as my long-held dream of becoming an Amazon warrior seemed at last within reach, I was reminded in the most embarrassing possible way why that dream was so impossible for me. Wrestling in the mud with a buxom half-naked woman proved too much for my adolescent (and virgin) body, and in the midst of the bout I found my erection bobbing free of its confinement.

Once my secret had been discovered, the entire process of the trials came to an abrupt halt. Some of the tribeswomen were deeply insulted. The younger ones seemed more inclined to laugh at my predicament. In any case, it was clearly taken as fact that I was a man, and as such could never be one of them. Once I had realized that, I hardly noticed the epithets hurled at me or the blows I received. A few bruises, a bit of pain, could hardly matter in the face of the discovery that the one place in the world where I belonged wouldn't have me.

The warriors left me naked and bound to a tree. But as they were leaving, one lingered behind. It was the leader, the warrior I recognized from nine years ago. The others had called her Eranna. "You're the boy from the tavern, aren't you?" she began, a look of pity on her face, "all grown up now. I remember you. After you passed out the queen had me check to make sure you were a boy. She said herself it was a shame. She must have seen something in you. When you followed us after, Shial tried to tell her to just leave you behind, that you weren't our problem. But you didn't have anywhere else to go. Which I guess is the same reason you're here now." With a deep sigh, she pulled a knife from her belt and cut the ropes binding me. Then she tossed me what remained of my clothes. "I hope you find a new home, kid," she concluded, as she turned to leave.

For a long time, I lay there without moving. Then I started to cry. I had a home. It was the only home I ever wanted. But I couldn't be there because of what was between my legs. For a moment I found myself searching frantically for a discarded blade, or even a sharp enough rock, so I could cut it off once and for all. But I realized that wouldn't change things.

Then I remembered something else Eranna had said. About how the queen had seen something in me all those years ago. I was meant to be one of them. I always had been. I won't let the closed minds of my sisters come between me and my destiny! Pulling myself up with newfound determination, I set about forming a new plan.