Not the same.

Perhaps, each to our own, Sophia and I understood we would have to take things slowly. But that didn’t stop the others to talk to each one of us, to tell us exactly the same. Sure, Kylie, Kate and Kara had said and continued to say they would take Sophia into our unconventional relationship circle, but they kept stressing that we shouldn’t have sexual intercourse too soon. We had to grow our love a bit more. Not only for ourselves, but also for them, the teams and above all, for Ambra.

After all, Ambra would have the greatest difficulties to understand what was happening. The entire ‘platoon’ had listened very carefully to Sophia telling them what was going on in Ambra’s mind and behavior. Either Ambra couldn’t understand it or she had simply blocked it all out. Between hearing and experiencing something there is a vast gap in understanding.

At a small break before they went on patrol, I sat together with Ambra and Ella. Ambra was getting far from shy these days, she talked a lot with Ella and didn’t feel intimidated by me anymore. But social tact and skills were not her strong points.

“Sophia loves you, when and how will you fuck her?” She asked me extremely blunt.

I had to recover from that question for a bit. I tried to find my words in a way she could understand.

“Sophia loves me, I love Sophia. Maybe sex. Maybe not.”

She frowned at that.

“Sophia loves you. You want sex. You love Sophia.”

It was in essence the logical expression she still had in her mind. A chronological logic and transactions as base for love.

“No. Sex when she wants and I want. For fun. Not for love.”

“Fun?”

“Sex to have fun. Fun for both of us.”

“What’s fun?”

I had not realized it was possible she no longer knew or perhaps couldn’t experience anymore what pure fun was. All rewards, all punishments were by her measured in a twisted entanglement of sex, pain and love. I had no idea how you explained her what fun was. And yet, the most basic principle I used in relation with sex is that it needed to be fun for both. Did she really have no memory anymore of what used to be fun? Even before her ****? It seemed it all was repressed in order to survive.

I looked up at Ella, hoping she could find a way to explain although I had no idea what her experiences with sex were. But surely she would know what fun was, right? At least how to word it in a simple way?

“Fun is something you like to do.” Ella answered.

“I like love, I fuck.”

And there we are again...

“No. Love is not doing. Fun is doing.” I said, and realized it was incorrect, shaking my head.

This conversation was also getting abstract... She clearly couldn’t understand, I could see it on her face.

“Listening to my music is fun. Sitting against a tree in the sun is fun. Eating chocolate is fun.” Ella interceded on my behalf.

All things I had seen them doing together. And had them seen smiling together doing so...

Thank you, Ella...

“But we need to go on patrol now, Ambra, I’ll explain later.”

“Go on patrol. Fun?” I heard her ask Ella when they were moving in the direction of their sector.

“No... but Alex wants it...”

“Alex wants. We obey. Alex loves us.”

“Eh... no...

I couldn’t hear the next answers and questions, but I figured Ella would have to put a lot of effort in answering all of Ambra’s questions.