Not quite yet.

Mario stopped himself just before the door, deciding that it’d probably be for the best if he figured out what the situation was before making assumptions. Peeking through the crack in the door, Mario saw that the Princess had merely taken a tumble for some reason. He breathed a sigh of relief, before withdrawing slightly so that he could see what was happening on the other side without being seen himself.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Your Majesty?” Mario assumed that was Perry’s voice, as no one else was in there apart from Peach from what he saw.

“Y, yes,” Peach replied, breathing heavily as she rotated so that she was sitting on the floor instead of lying upon it. Her dress seemed a little off to Mario, had the skirt always been that flat? Then he caught sight of the Princess’s face and Mario’s eyes went wide. He’d never seen her face so flushed before! Not even when she participated in the Olympics for the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario instinctively reached for the pocket in which he’d stored the Sex Note. Had he overdone it with that last paragraph? “I just need…, to catch my breath a little.”

“You said we were going on an adventure,” Perry replied, concern lining his words, “You sure you can handle one right now? You look like you need to go see Mario’s Office for a check-up!” Perry was referring to Mario’s medical office, the plumber assumed. It only bore his name because long ago, he’d been the only person that had anything remotely approaching a medical license. Nowadays, most Toads knew more about medicine than he did. The Kingdom was just lucky that the over-sized viruses died from just having multivitamins and NyQuil spilled on them back then.

“No!” The Princess adamantly refused, and perhaps more forcibly than she meant because she apologized for her tone immediately after, “I shouldn’t be too harsh on you, Perry. I’m the one who dragged you out without an explanation. I just… didn’t want to say anything within earshot of my honor guard.”

“It’s okay,” Perry forgave her, “Does that mean you’re going to tell me now?”

“Yes,” the Princess said, “I suppose that I do owe you one.”

Mario decided to take the time to take a seat himself. It looked like this party wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and Mario was curious about what Peach was on about himself. Maybe he’d learn something.

The Princess and Perry were silent for a moment. Mario figured Peach was gathering her thoughts, which couldn’t have been easy in a lust-filled fog. Guess that was kind of his fault. Oh well, no point in crying over spilled spaghetti.

“I guess you could say that right now I’m playing a game,” Peach began.

“You mean, all the clothes you’ve been taking off?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Wowee,” Perry mused, “Can’t say that I’ll be able to participate. If I took off all of my covers, I’d literally lose my function.”

Peach giggled, a lilting sound that almost made her seem drunk, “It’s quite alright, Perry. It’s a bit of a solitary game, single-player if you will.”

“So I can’t play?”

“Au contraire, my friend,” Mario heard her smile, “I couldn’t possibly win without you!”

“So, it’s more of a team game, then?”

“I suppose when you look at it that way, it is,” Peach sighed. After a moment, Perry spoke up again, “So what are the rules?”

“I must strip down to nothing, while maintaining my modesty for as long as possible,” Peach told him, “Won’t be much longer now. Since I’ve taken off my petticoat, just about anything else after would have the servants gossiping for weeks. My reputation? In tatters.”

“Then why do it?” Perry asked the million-coin question.

“Because I’m tired, Perry.” Mario glanced over, looking at Peach through the crack in the door, who in turn was looking up at the ceiling, her hair in a messy clump against the wall. With her facade dropped, and portraying herself honestly, Mario could tell even through this small sliver of a window that she did look tired. How had he never noticed those bags under her eyes before? “I’ve been… thinking of my father a lot lately, and what he would’ve wanted for this Kingdom. Most of my subjects think I’ve got this whole kingdom wrapped around my little finger. But the truth is, I don’t even know the first thing about running a bistro, much less a Kingdom.

“Father never taught me. His grand plan for me was to marry me off to some rich dignitary so I could live a happy life because he knew I had no mind for politics. All of it, in one ear and out the other,” She laughed bitterly, “Father always said that my head would float away if it wasn’t secured to my neck.”

Princess Peach didn’t run the Kingdom? But then, who did? Mario had always assumed that, since she was the Princess….

“Toadsworth is the real power in this nation. You know that me not taking the mantle of Queen was his idea?” Peach suddenly said, unprompted, “I told him that I was ready, that’d show our allies and our enemies that I was determined, that I alone could run this great Mushroom Kingdom with a benevolent shield and wand. You would’ve been that shield, Perry. I can still see the daydream today: Queen Toadstool, the Peach Blossom of the Battlefield! But Toadsworth went on a spiel about grieving and purity, and I…, acquiesced. He was always the more politically savvy one.”

“It’s not too late,” Perry tried to cheer up the Princess, “You could still be that kind of Queen. Besides, so what if you can’t manage a kingdom? Toadsworth’s done a good job so far, he’s even put through a lot of the changes that you proposed. I know, you used me as speaking practice!”

“That’s true, many of the sporting events and parties were my idea,” Peach relented, “And it’s not like I’m terrible at everything, I’m a fantastic cook, I’ve managed to convince everyone that I’m something that I’m not just by pretending, and I even saved Mario for once. But…, there are other things.”

“Like what?” Perry asked. Mario had never before been so thankful for an umbrella’s presence before. Maybe he should take Perry out for some restoration work sometime.

“Being a Princess isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be,” Peach sighed, “You're always expected to maintain a certain level of ‘proper-ness’, constantly having to worry about what to say or to do, and always with the fucking itinerary. Today was the first free day I’ve had in a month, Perry. Up until last night, and starting again tomorrow morning,” Peach was speaking faster and with more fervor with each passing word now, “My every fucking step is measured out for me. Go here, now there, meet this person, christen this ship, dine with these people, get what sleep you can, because in three hours, we’re going to have to wake you up for something else and you won’t get another wink for twelve fucking hours!” Mario glanced around nervously, surely someone else in the castle must’ve heard that hoarse roar that just issued forth from the normally calm and demure Princess’s mouth.

But she wasn’t done, she continued speaking, not as loudly, some would probably call it a low growl or hiss, but just as much speed as before, “I was going to sleep in today, did you know that, Perry? I was going to reward myself for working hard for this Kingdom, playing pretend with a bunch of simpering dotards for the good of my people, but no. No, no, no no nonono. Toadsworth got my servants to wake me up and wrap me in my costume because my presence was good for the Castle staff’s morale.”

“But what about MY morale?” Peach was gripping and twisting Perry’s handle so tight, Mario could hear it creaking, “Princess, you’re hurting me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry Perry, I shouldn’t take this out on you,” Peach patted the parasol gently, “It’s not your fault I’m feeling so high-strung.”

“It’s okay, Princess,” Perry said gently, “No one’s perfect, why just the other day, I noticed some of my stitching came out, and I’m magic! I’m not supposed to have defects.”

Peach made a noise that sounded like a laugh, but Mario wasn’t sure, it was too short. “Would it be if my own ‘defects’ were so small,” she said, “I think I’ve managed to ruin every good relationship I’ve ever had going for me. Toadsworth won’t ever give up his power, I know he’s just been using me as a figurehead for a while now. Something to fool our allies, and keep Mario busy.”

“You’re still on good terms with Mario, right?”

“I'm not so sure anymore, he’s been avoiding me ever since the moon-marriage thing happened,” Peach sighed, “And I may as well be invisible to Luigi. I hear he’s more interested in that tomboy Princess.”

Tomboy? Mario thought, oh, she must be talking about Daisy.

“Y’know I wanted to fuck him the first time we met?”

“Luigi?”

“No, dummy! Mario!” Mario blinked, this was news to him. He had rescued Peach from Bowser in his own stronghold. He had been high on his own victory, but cognizant enough to realize that Peach may not want to reward him in such a way after being cooped up by a literal dragon for Stars-knew-how-long. Looking back on the encounter though, he realized that she had been coming onto him pretty strong. Mario…put his face in his hands. He’d groan if he weren’t worried about attracting attention at the moment. What he wouldn’t give for a ride in E. Gadd’s time machine right now to slap some sense into his old self, but that had been lost forever after Bowser had used it to steal famous and valuable artifacts across time and space on Earth, “But he never went for it, and after that Toadsworth suggested that I save my virtue for someone else. By the Star Spirits, I wish I still had E. Gadd’s time machine right now!” Forget what Mario said earlier, now was a good time to cry over spilled spaghetti.

“But,” Princess Peach sighed, “That’s all in the past now, can’t change it. Well, at least not without creating a paradox or butterfly effect. Still have no idea what butterflies have to do with time travel though. Regardless, it doesn’t matter anymore, anyways, in a few minutes my reputation will be beyond Toadsworth’s salvation and I’ll be able to live as I please!”

“Oh, yeah, the game!” Perry announced, to be fair Mario had almost forgotten too, after all of those truth bomb-ombs, “You never told me what you have to do to win.”

“Right,” Peach said as she got up from the floor (Yep, her skirt was definitely missing it’s bell-like shape. Was that what a petticoat was for?), and began walking off, “I’ll explain it to you on the way, so in order to win…,” Mario listened to her voice trail off. He almost didn’t want to see this game through anymore, but he had a sneaking suspicion that it would end now, even if he did have the means to destroy the tool that made it happen. Not that he’d want to, anyways. Much like Toadsworth, Mario wasn’t in the habit of giving up power once he had it. Besides, he was already formulating plans for how he and Peach could make up for lost time once this was over. Maybe even reduce her workload somehow. But first, he had to attend to that ass.