Not Supposed To Be This Insecure

Fuck. College is supposed to be a time of hope. You're supposed to have nigh infinite faith that everything will work out and that whatever you do, it'll change the world.

You're not supposed to be this insecure.

"Sometimes I think it would be easier to give in. Had a boy back home who wanted to marry me. He had his whole future worked out and he was a good prospect. Inherit his dad's business. I would have lived a good middle class life.

"Content, though. I would have only been content. Happy little homemaker and shit out nine kids of my own."

She shakes her head, "Not for me."

Shivering like she can't bear the thought of it I see that it really isn't. She sets her shoulders forward a moment later and I realize that, much like me pursuing college at all, Rachel is shrugging off the burden of her family.

If I had to bet I'd put money down that she's the only one in her family not either working a blue collar job or settling down right out of high school.

"I want a career," she says, "I want something to be proud of. I want to be satisfied more than I want to be happy, content with myself."

"And in love?" I ask, tentatively.

"Of course in love," she rolls her eyes, "Who doesn't want to be in love? Find someone to make you really happy. Find someone who can challenge you as much as support you. A partner, a real partner. Not just another warm body lying next to you."

Down the street the group has started to gather around the meeting spot. We're a ways away and they haven't spotted us yet, but we're close enough to pick out a few familiar faces and my eyes fall on one in particular.

So, evidently, does she.

"Maybe Eddie," she smiles slow, almost dreamy.

I laugh, a bark that is quite indiscrete and unladylike. Trying to cover up afterwards doesn't help, all it does is make me snort.

"Could be Eddie," she says defensively, "He's certainly not traditional. God my dad would flip his shit if I brought that boy home with a ring on my finger. He'd judge him so hard."

With what I know about Eddie, I doubt that. I mean he's the black sheep of his family, but his family is at least something to be admired. Dad as the head of a larger corporation and his mom a homemaker as well, they're all much more traditional than Eddie lets on.

And Eddie can play good parent if he wants to, I'm sure. If he's not being a sullen little prick, he's actually pretty charming.

In fact, the more that I think about it the more it all makes sense to me. Eddie wouldn't want a woman like his mother to marry and he wouldn't prevent Rachel from living her life. They could live some kind of artsy future together, with Rachel earning the income as a highly successful professional while Eddie is the faux starving artist with a sugar momma keeping his fridge stocked and his house neatly made up.

They could actually work, crazy as it might seem. And the fact that Rachel was both interested and defensive about that could play to my advantage.

It could help.

Join my Patreon for only $3 a month and get early access to new chapters and over a years worth of exclusive content. https://www.patreon.com/SophiePert