No

No. I came here to fuck Alex Russo and goddamnit I will fuck the shit out of Alex Russo. The milf can wait. Just as I made my decision, Alex and Mason enter the loft. “Mom, me and Mason are back,” she announces. My attention goes immediately to Alex, completely ignoring her werewolf boyfriend.

The couple look at me, confused. “Um, mom who’s this?” Theresa takes that as her cue. “I’ll let him explain that. I’m going to get out of here before things go bad.” And with that she exits the room, leaving me to deal with the loving couple. This should be easy.

“Hi, my name is John Doe. I am here with a message from the Wizard Council for Alex Russo. First of all, let me just say, congratulations on becoming the Family Wizard.”

“Aw, thank you,” she replies. I continue giving her the “message” from the Wizard Council. “We regret to inform you that, due to a new law that has been past, your relationship with Mason ...” I try really hard to remember his name, “Greyback must be placed on a temporary hold.”

They both exclaim “What?!” to my face. “Please, allow me to continue. Newly crowned Family Wizards must be in a relationship with another Wizard for one year, starting when you become the Family Wizard. Then, and only then, if that new relationship does not work out, may you go back to Mason Greyback.” I quickly tack on, “Failure to do so will result in your powers being stripped and Family Wizard status being given to Max, since Justin is already a full Wizard.”

I notice the sad looks from Alex and Mason. “Sorry,” I tell them. They face each other. Alex tells Mason, “The whole reason I even fought so hard to become the Family Wizard is so that we can be together.” He reassures her, “I know. But that’s the law now Alex. And think of it this way, all we have to do is wait one year, then we can be together again.” Not if I have anything to say about it.

Alex asks me, “So, I have to go find a guy to date now?” I respond, “Before I answer that and complete the message, he has to leave the room. Sorry, thems the rules.” Mason leaves me and Alex alone, finally. “No, you do not have to go looking for a guy. The Wizard Council already found one for you. It’s like an arranged marriage type of thing.”

“So I don’t even get a say in who I spend the next year of my life with?” I shake my head. “Fine then, what loser did the Wizard Council set me up with?” I smirk at that. “You’re looking at him.” This surprises her. “Well ... at least you’re kind of cute. But don’t get any ideas of this lasting long term. When this year is up, I’m going back to Mason.”

We stand in awkward silence. “Well, what do we do now?” I’m so horny right now, so I want to take care of that first. “It’s Wizard custom that before two of age Wizards can go on a first date, they must first ... have sex.” She asks, “How come I’ve never heard that?”

“You probably learned it in Wizard training. Did you pay much attention during that?” I ask, knowing she probably did not. “As a matter of fact, no I did not,” she replies. She admits, “But I’ve never had sex.”

“Well, that makes two of us,” I reveal. “But it’s customary that we have to now.” She sighs, heavily. “Alright, follow me. We’re going to my room.”