No baad puns allowed

...

...

...

“A FUCKING DOLPHIN STATUE!”

“Gina, calm down.”

“I’M GOING TO FUCKING FILET THAT BITCH!”

“I think it is rather fitting. Not that I can agree with the rest of this juvenile attempt at getting back at me. Cutie had to spend the whole night cleaning the mansion, while wearing a maid uniform. And a chastity cage. And a butt plug.”

“UGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“But, we are not here to discuss maids.”

“Then why are we here, Marcie?”

“To discuss Mark.”

“Marcie. I am extremely livid right now.”

“I know.”

“And you know how I feel about that dweeb Mark in general.”

“Indeed.”

“I am barely holding myself back.”

“By the way...”

“What?”

“Did I mention that we are starting with an answer chapter?”

“…”

“DON’T BITE THE STATUE!”

REBUTTAL IN PROGRESS (BGM)

A moment later, a French Maid that looked nearly like the Scottish lass, except for her hair color being slightly different and having only one fox tail instead of three, said, "I quite agree, Maîtresses. Vous must educate zees uncultured rabbel een ze best langooage zere ees, Française, non?"

*sounds of excessive leaking*

“Ohhhh, what’s wrong, Mademoiselle Marcie? Not enjoying ze answer chapteur?”

“Amusing try, Gina. But I will not be goaded into losing my temper.”

“Uhu.”

"Thank you. Now, Marcie, I'm pleased to let you know, I've decided to send you three flowers from the cactus. You might be asking, 'Why are you sending me three?' since you only need the one. Very simple, actually, I have also included a pair of cactus needles for you to poke Gina with when you decide she is being annoying. Cassandra has made it so that each needle will work once. You are free to lose the flowers if you want, of course."

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!”

“Gina, I need to ensure the flowers are actually working and not a trick.”

“FUCK YOU!”

“Tell you what, if you can make it through this entire review without cursing, I won’t poke you.”

“Seriously?”

“The culprits behind the **** on my manor will be apprehended soon. I can use them as test subjects.”

“F-Fine, you think I can’t pull this off? I f…”

“…”

“I can do this! Easily!”

Mary then glared into the camera, "Gina, you wanted a scumbag apparently so much you went and kissed one at Andy's party. I really didn't appreciate it when you immediately vomited on my shoes after I transformed back from Mary to Mark mid-kiss. Also, be nicer to Marcie. Marcie, I hope you recovered after landing face-first in that cake."

“pfft…”

“S-shut up! This was your fault in the first place!”

"Thank you for your review of Harem Hotel: Missed Encounters. We here at Harem Hotel appreciate your viewership and hope you will continue to round two in a few months. As we do have a timer set to go off in March to put this season back in the queue as soon as possible. Hardric sends his love and looks forward to you starting with the fan mail chapter when you pull back around to this branch in a few months. Never forget, you are both precious and good girls who are excellent at your jobs, especially you Marcie. Keep up the good work. You are both comedic geniuses and deserve many hugs and kisses for being such good girls. Complimentary wolf cookies are enclosed for the two feistiest bestest girls there are. I love a good roast, and if we were having a pervert contest, you would both tie for first, that's for sure. Has this speech gone on long enough for the bit? No? Maybe we can keep it going just a bit longer. Gina, please give Marcie head-pats from me, telling her she is a good girl and people need to recognize her brilliance more and praise her like the good girl she is. Also, Marcie, FUCK THE BRITISH! FRENCH ACCENTS ARE BETTER! SCOTTISH ACCENTS ARE BETTER! Speaking of fucking the British, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get to do that soon. OH, I might even have my French gal and Scottish lassie join me in domming her. Ah, okay, we likely finally have a large enough block of text to tick them off. So thanks Marcie. Thanks Gina. I hope you will return for another roast. Until next time on Harem Hotel: M.E.!"

“Yes, please domme Marcie. You have my full consent for that. *eats a cookie*”

“I do not consent to being dommed.”

“Ok, we done with the foreplay, Marcie? All in all the bitches didn’t really complain all that much.”

“As is expected. My reasoning is flawless, after all. And Gina’s complaints are easily dismissed.”

“That was dumb, but at least it’s over. What’s next?”

“We stopped right before the fanmail, Gina.”

“...”

“I SAID STOP BITING THE STATUE!”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Gina?”

“I am calm, I am perfectly calm. I can handle this. It is just a bit of fanmail. Just a small bit huge GIGANTIC CHAPTER OF FUU…...FANMAIL!!!!!!!!!!”

“I get it, okay. You all want to MOOOlk soMOOOO breasts. God, what perverts. To want to turn soMOOOOthing so intiMOOte and personal between MOOther and child, into something sexual. Breastfeeding IS NOT SEXUAL. Please, dear god, please, let the sheep TF win. Have you seen a cow? A real cow? I have. They are gross, ugly, covered with flies, and sMOOll like shit. NO, thank you. LaMOOObs are cute and soft. There are only two good uses for a cow, and they both end up on a nice juicy haMOOOburger.”

“At least you are not the only one who freaks out, Gina.”

“Obviously. F...this...fudge...is...so...ngghh...agghh..ughhh looooong!”

“Right. Since I do not want Gina to pass out, I skip both the obvious joke and the fanmail. It is transformation time.”

“Won’t find me complaining.”

“Sam, as expected is turned into a dragon, while Laura becomes an actual Goddess. Including a godly aura.”

“Sounds kinda overpowered, but sure. Guess it gets canceled out by Talia getting completely screwed over. Again.”

“She gets both anime physics, which are really far more akin to cartoon physics and getting turned into a goth who is hopelessly in love with Mark.”

“She’s not the only one, Ellen got mind controlled into liking Mark too. And Sheep girl. You know, that is a lot of casual brainwashing going on here.”

“It is a lot and it is mostly done via secondary effects. You have the big showstopper transformation and then they add a small, by the way you are also liking Mark more, to it. It feels somewhat underhanded.”

“Not the word I would use, but I can’t curse.”

“Yep, for all of you.” Cassandra confirmed. “Also, I should mention that the side effect only occurs for women, not men. Now let’s see, the average breast size in the US just went up by a bit more than two cups.”

“This clearly did not apply to Gina.”

“SHUT THE F...U…...GRRRRRR!!!!”

“You alright, Gina?”

“Hardly. It’s the second chapter and I’m already pissed beyond any reasonable degree! Ellen makes me want to vomit, with her dumb dumb tranaformation. F...….blah! And Talia might as well not even exist anymore!”

Built Like an Adonis: Mark’s already decent-looking, but is self-conscious about a few things. Mark will become more handsome and muscular, his imperfections will be fixed, and he will gain that foot in height so that his goddess can stand tall beside him instead of towering over him. [The Prince] [Boon]

“And then this trash! Mark looks like he got roided up like a chimp on LSD!”

“Hm yes, I must say that is not my type. Of course there was never any danger of me falling in love with Mark. I am more predisposed towards the dashing swashbuckler darkelf entrepreneur kind.”

“I know.”

Chloe held the bowl and responded, “Yes, I intend to follow the plan Talia. As far as what is weird, the fact you were out the door nearly instantly, you left a cloud of smoke and dust behind you, and you made it all the way to the candy store, and back in what a few seconds? Like I’m not missing that right?”

Mark walked over to the women. “Talia’s TF can affect others. Though it does seem to be relatively localized to her general area. To answer your other question Aubrey I would guess that Talia effectively teleported over here, since we would mostly just be waiting for her to show up. Narratively for the show her travel time is irrelevant to the plot so it can be skipped. That’s my guess. Look Aubrey I’ve just stopped questioning her Anime Physics it hurts my head less. Now you want to talk. Please come in.”

“Time for some genuine criticism: This is about the fourth time the concept of anime physics got explained. You do not need to repeat information to the reader just because characters need to learn said information.”

“I'm sorry.” Merida cocked an eyebrow in surprise and waited for Chloe to continue. “I shouldn't have stormed off when you called me out, for treating Mark poorly. I got a talking to, by some of the others. I realized some stuff. I was taking stuff out on Mark because he was the only one I felt like I could and not because he was actually at fault.”

“HE LITERALLY **** YOU TO BE CHOCOLATE BUNNY BECAUSE HE WAS TOO SELFISH TO USE YOUR CANDY HOW HE WAS SUPPOSED TO!”

“At this point the girls have pretty much fallen in line, so to speak. Chloe and Aubrey both go with the program now.”

“Yeah, and the program sucks!”

“Chloe, I was literally made poseable against my will, for an indefinite period o’ time by anyone, wi’ whit Cassandra considered a standard or neutral TF, right oot o’ the gate

“BUT NOTHING CAME OF IT!”

“Chloe, don’t let Cassandra get to you. I know exactly where they are. Laura and I will be using them all on her date night this time. So don’t worry.”

Cassandra looked a little mischievous, “Mark, I should let you know… if you don’t test them at all this week again, the Temporary TF will increase in intensity. You know if you wanted a cock hungry bunny. Just food for thought. Oh, almost forgot, here you go, Chloe.”

“I would absolutely worry, because Mark is a selfish asshole who didn’t use the candy earlier because he didn’t want to waste it”

“You just cursed, Gina.”

“Fuck it, we both know I’m not going to keep this up for this entire shitshow.”

“In that case...*prick*”

“OUCH! FUCKING HELL!”

…

…

…

“...well, that’s somewhat disappointing.”

"YEAH FUCK YOU TOO!"

“Gina please.”

“YOU JUST GAVE ME HUGE BOOBS!”

“Well, I would not call them huge…”

“Marcie. I am currently pissed off beyond any reasonable degree. I got a statue made of me as a fucking dolphin, I got huge boobs and I have to read about fucking Mark and his bullshit. Give me any good reason why I shouldn’t jump out of the window and end it all.”

“Chloe might get turned into a slime-girl.”

“Ok fine, let’s continue."

Talia shook her head. “Cassandra really needs to lay off the alliteration, not everything needs to be named that way.”

“And since we are back on the topic. This totally titles Talia the worst girl.”

“Whatever. Casino time.”

“In which Merida loses big. That is what she gets for being scottish.”

“Yeah but not actually because she wins at some stupid prize wheel. At least Mark gets turned into Mary and has to walk back to his suite naked. Hah! Serves him right!”

"No, I'm not dumb. I only said I wouldn't, like, give Mark more than one and then, I would like, wait to see what happens. And I wouldn't take candy before seein' how Mark was doin'. And I wouldn't give Mark all the candy. I will, like, keep those promises too. I just might not, like, do them exactly how Merida meant. That's, like, why I want you to come, Laura. Look, I know I sound dumb right now, but that doesn't mean I am dumb. The TF thing said it wouldn't make me, like, dumb, just change my words. I don't think Merida had a right to, like, tell me what to do, so I made my promises to Chloe all tricky. Chloe, I only promised you that I would do those things. Not that I would, like, make sure they happen. If Laura comes, she can, like, give Mark all the candy. Merida was also, like, dumb 'cause she didn't say you had to leave candy with her. So we can have him take all three to make Allie's plan, like, super good. I just have to get Mark to take the candies 'cause he wants to. Nothing stops me from askin' others for help with that, long as he takes them. Else you would have, like, messed up Allie's plan already, 'cause you made Mark promise to take three candies from me tonight. And if that messed up Allie's plan, then I wouldn't, like, owe you for helpin' me. That was the deal. Like I said, I'm not dumb. So Laura, I, like, want your help tonight. Sam's too, if I can, like, get her. I'd also like to ask you stuff 'bout my date plan, if you're okay with it." Chloe blinked and was stunned. She also realized that while Ellen hadn’t balanced the scales between them totally or probably even intentionally she did in fact just repay her some, with the revelation that promises made to or by Chloe could simply honor the letter but not the spirit of the promise. Which she realized was rather huge.

“Glad the monologuing wall of texts are back. Really missed those. Also glad it’s in bimbo speech. Can you tell how glad I am?”

“Well you could wear heels. I do like women in heels.”

“Yes, ruin your feet for me because I want to be tall! Sexist prick!”

“Counterpoint: He does make Flora a sandwich.”

“…”

“I like sending Cutie in the kitchen to make me a sandwich: He looks pretty cute wearing nothing but an apron. If he does not make it exactly how I ordered it he receives a spanking."

“Marcie, we did not need to know that.”

“You made a deal with Ellen that would put Ellen in your debt. If I hadn’t agreed Ellen either wouldn’t be in your debt or would be to a lesser degree. I assume you wanted her in your debt, maybe hoping to get help in the next challenge or just establish an ally. I helped you do that. You feel that debt because you subconsciously realized that too. I’m not blaming you, you’re trying your best and using what advantages you have. Moreover, if you and Ellen didn’t think you were actually helping Ellen, then Ellen wouldn’t actually owe you squat. If Ellen didn’t owe you, then you wouldn’t really owe me. So I was also using it to make sure of that too. But I think you need to understand the consequences of your TF. Because it isn’t limited to members of the harem. At least right now. Sorry if that upsets you, but I’m not erasing this debt.”

“I HATE THIS FUCKING FUCKER SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!!!!!”

“Alright, Gina, I am putting a lid on this.”

“Ey!”

“I do not wish to spend the entire review with you nitpicking every minor detail of Mark's perfectly reasonable behavior."

“Marcie, If I can’t do that I am going to literally explode and I’m taking you with me when I do.”

“I am aware Gina, which is why I will now allow you to air out all your grievances about Mark. Right now.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, go ham.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice!” *cracks knuckles*

TRIGGER WARNING: COPIOUS AMOUNT OF GINABUSE INCOMING

Chloe walked over to Mark though. “Mark, I want you to make me a promise, please. I don’t care what it costs me, in debt. Promise me you won’t gamble with us, without our explicit verbal consent. Please!” Chloe pleaded.

Mark thought about it for a moment. “Okay Chloe I promise.” Chloe felt the weight of the promise hit her like a truck. “Now tell me, how big was that promise?”

“Hey you cheeky cunt. If you have to think about not using your girls as gambling collateral, THEN MAYBE YOU ARE NOT A GOOD FUCKING PERSON!”

Mark (To Chloe and Talia): Okay Chloe I am not happy with what you pulled on Laura and Ellen or frankly Talia either. Talia I’m also not thrilled with you either but I at least understand this is partially due to me giving you my TF fetish.

“No, not partially, you stupid dipshit! This is entirely your fault!”

“Okay, so this is a bit sexist, but only if you’re female. That would actually be true of the others on my staff as well. I don't want another penis involved with any of them.”

“Not just a bit, you sexist twat. And I don’t even have a problem with that. I hate dicks too. But I hate you more!"

The same smooth male voice as last time, began to narrate. “Mark's early years were, in many ways, a testament to simplicity and structure. He was raised, as many are, within the comforting embrace of a Catholic family, his days shaped by the rhythm of parochial schools. There were siblings, of course, and parents whose love was both abundant and unwavering.”

“Of course. Of course Mark has a fucking movie highlighting his life! Narcissistic douche!”

Mary nodded. “Ellen, I’m a believer in breast equality. All boobs are good boobs except for man boobs. Now I will say I probably won’t want you to stay there for a long time. I think my personal preference on breasts is between a D-cup and an H-cup depending upon the rest of the woman’s body. Laura is probably the exception with how tall she is. Though as a temporary increase you all look great like this.”

“That is the biggest fucking lie I ever heard.”

“Don’t worry, Gina. You are still below Marks preference.”

“Fuck you!”

“Hold up. Not having that. I’m not your father or your daddy. Not interested in that at all. I know that is the standard opening for confessions but I also know you don’t have to use it. So don’t.”

“It’s a figure of speech, you fuck! And stop trying to get Talia to abandon her faith! You bitch!”

Allie cut in, “Sam, this is a losing battle. I’ve tried, and he has made some small concessions but you aren’t going to get him to eat that salad. You’ll notice his burger has lettuce and onions on it. I can’t tell but it might have tomato slices as well. It took forever to get him to add them to things.”

“Is he a fucking child? You are over thirty years old! Eat your vegetables!”

“Well there are usually two things that cause them to last. One is an external pressure necessitates change, and it lasts long enough to form a habit. The other is gradual shifts. It’s why I drink a lot less soda than I used to. I started small, whenever I would be at a restaurant instead of a soda I would get a lemonade or an iced tea. I’ve recently been swapping it out at home with flavored sparkling water. I know I need to eat healthier Sam and I am taking steps but trying to do too much too fast can result in the changes not sticking.”

“IT’S A SALAD! JUST EAT THE FUCKING SALAD, YOU OVERGROWN MANBABY!”

“It’s my own fault. I just didn’t realize that sharing my fetish and making you love animal girls would cause you to have so many lewd thoughts.”

“YEAH! WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING? OH RIGHT, LITERALLY EVERYONE!”

“Allie, in case you missed it you had multiple partners in every one of those situations. Not just Isabella and I either.” Mark was getting riled up a little and just breathed. After a few deep breaths he asked, “Allie, right now I feel like you are judging me for having multiple partners both now and in those other lives but aren’t really seeing any issue with the fact you have multiple partners. I know you are working on your insecurities about things, dear. But did you really think about your question? Because I feel like I could ask it of you.”

“Because it’s not the same, you bozo. If it were the same she could get dicked by guys other then you. Which I don’t like BUT ON PAIN OF REPEATING, I HATE YOU MORE THEN I HATE DICK!”

Mark cut her off by physically grabbing her face with one hand and tilting it up to look at him. “Sadie, I like Chloe. I get that there is some issue between you two and we will settle it. Until then you will remain civil with her. Chloe, you will do the same with Sadie. Ignore one another, pretend that the other doesn’t exist, I don't care. Honestly Sadie me telling you this is more for your benefit then Chloe’s. I already don’t have a favorable opinion of you, but I’m willing to hear your side of the story. So I’d shut your mouth before you say something to really piss me off and you lose points.” Mark let go of Sadie’s face.

"Sadie was literally just **** to take place in a intergalactic smut show and you get off on her for being a slight bitch? OF COURSE SHE IS A FUCKING BITCH, YOU BITCH! ALSO! FOR SOMEONE WHO HATES GETTING CUT OFF YOU SURE DO A LOT OF CUTTING YOURSELF!”

“Pretty much. Look Merida knew about her style TF when she made her bet. That’s on her, plus as I view it, this is just accelerating the change in style. She would have gotten there eventually. Now I don’t know if Flora actually thought this through or not but considering she’s been okay with being naked the past few days I doubt her incorporating some different clothes into her wardrobe would really bother her. We aren’t required to hold back simply because it could affect them, but that isn’t the same thing as deliberately going out of our way to affect them.” ASTRID stood to one side leaning towards them, looking like she really wanted to say something but refrained from doing so. “Astrid, did you have something to add?”

“CONFOUND THAT MARK! OH HOW I HATE HIM! HE DRIVES ME TO DRINK!

“No, I wasn’t trying to push you to change your beliefs, just think critically about them.”

“YOU TOTALLY DID! YOU...YOU….I’M RUNNING OUT OF INSULTS HERE!”

“I am sure you will come up with one if you try hard enough, Gina.”

“MARK, YOU INSUFFERABLY SMUG SHITHEAD! HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU THAT TALIA DOES NOT WANT TO THINK CRITICAL ABOUT HER FAITH? CHRISTIANITY IS THE ONLY THING THAT STILL CONNECTS HER TO HER OLD LIFE AFTER A CERTAIN SOMEONE CHANGED EVERY OTHER ASPECT ABOUT HER! WHO CARES IF SHE STILL WORSHIPS GOD? SHE DOESN’T HURT ANYBODY IN DOING SO. BUT YOU JUST CAN NOT LET THAT GO, DO YOU? YOU JUST HAVE TO RUIN THE ONLY SMALL THING SHE HAS LEFT BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKING PRIDE! BECAUSE IT’S ALL ABOUT ME ME ME! DON’T THINK I HAVEN’T FIGURED OUT WHAT MISSED ENCOUNTER STANDS FOR! YOU’RE NOT THAT CLEVER!”

“Whelp.”

“HA...HA...HAAAAAAA….”

“Are you satisfied, Gina?. Did you get it all out?”

“...AND I GOT HUGE BOOBS BECAUSE OF YOU! AND YOU SUCK!"

"..."

"Ok, I'm good."

“Excellent. Continuing with actual criticism then.”

Please, you will be Maja’s masterpiece.” Maja raised her hands in triumph at her declaration and then went, “Bleh” Maja materialized a toothbrush, toothpaste, and a small bucket, then scrubbed out her mouth, and spit into the bin. “Puns… always leave a bad taste in Maja’s mouth. So uncouth.”

“Like this. It appears a new worst girl just has appeared.”

“You are’ having a lot of those this time around, Marcie.”

“More interestingly, Merida, as part of her gambling debt, has to model clothes in the shop. Which means we finally get some posing action. Very nice.”

(AUTHOR’S NOTE: THE UPCOMING SCENE HAS A CHARACTER WHO IS A SEXUAL **** SURVIVOR EXPERIENCING A TRAUMA TRIGGER.)

“The trigger is a nickname, by the way. Sam gets called a nickname her **** used and freaks out about it.”

“Your point, Gina?”

“It just feels so asinine. How is that worth of a trigger warning but not the many other times one of the characters crosses a line? And it’s not even that Sam was called that on purpose! If this is your fucking threshold we need trigger warnings before every single paragraph.”

“Good, now one last thing.” Mary returned to being Mark for a moment, walked over to Lucia and found the zipper and pulled it down and pushed the top of the bodysuit down revealing Ellen’s head. Then Mark returned to Mary. “Okay. I wanted to have a discussion with everyone here as normal as possible under the circumstances. First I want to establish any hard boundaries people have. Next I’d like an approximate plan of what we are going to be doing before taking any more candies. These first two are so that we know before taking possibly mind altering substances. Then I have a few questions for Laura and Ellen. Lastly, I would like to discuss the candies themselves. I’ll start on the boundaries. I have only two that I can think of right now that matter. First don’t try to dominate me, aggression is fine but don’t try to control me. The second is under absolutely no circumstance should I be penetrated, in any way, shape or form. That includes tongues and fingers. Okay your tongues are allowed in my mouth but not in my other holes.”

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

“Stop quoting Hamlet, Marcie.”

“Chloe’s Candies are a big part of this round. They gift temporary transformations. One particular plan involves Ellen giving Mark inhibition losing candy so that he can properly dom her.”

“Ok, and this turns into one hell of a convoluted clusterfuck.”

“Merida, essentially blackmailed Ellen about Allie’s Walkthrough. Merida **** Ellen to make Chloe promises otherwise she would call you and tell you about the candies.”

“Like what the fuck is even going on here? I lost the plot ages ago.”

“The plot is that we have made it to the second night.”

“WE ARE ONLY ON THE SECOND FUCKING NIGHT?”

“Yes, which once again consists of a Lauren, Ellen and Mark threesome. I do like this one actually. It is quite erotic.”

“Yeah, too bad we are getting lame Mark instead of Mary.”

“Oh, that’s, like, so easy. Sir told us two days ago that he was only asked out by five people ever and only one of them was a woman. So, like, simple math says if four guys kissed Sir while asking Sir out, and like only four guys ever asked Sir out, with your brother being one of them. Then like, he kissed Sir.”

“WHAT!”

“You sounded genuinely surprised by that, Gina.”

“I’m just...it’s hard to believe Mark actually kissed a guy.”

“I mean, he does get a lot of value out of his girl form, Gina. And I mean a lot.”

“So, what the fuck? He’s a closet homo?”

“Not the slur I would have used but as I was saying earlier, I do think Mark would enjoy getting his butthole penetrated a lot more then he lets on.”

“I did not need this picture in my head, Marcie.”

“Mark, that's bullshit and you know it. I’m thrilled to have sex with you. You weren’t bad looking before and you are absolutely stunning like this and as Mary. As long as Allie was aware of what we were doing and consented to it, I would have agreed to have sex with you anyway before the show. Hell I would have included Allie if she would have been down for that. As for everyone else, you are very much not taking advantage of anyone here. If anything I would actually say the reverse of your argument is true. You are being **** into relationships you didn’t ask for, and might not be ready for.”

*heavy Gina breathing.*

“Gina, you did promise to stop with your grievances.”

“I only promised to stop bitching about Mark being a little bitch, I said nothing about all these other bitches, hyping him up like the second coming of Roland.”

“…”

“Roland is the shark-guy from...

“I suppose that is fair. Proceed.”

“Why are you all enabling him? We read a story were a guy gets enabled into feminizing and dating his own son and this still feels worse! Ugghhh! Show some backbone!"

“Well, to be fair a lot of them are brainwashed into taking Mark’s side more.”

“…”

“Let us move on.”

Yes SIR. More. God, puns in the middle of sex. I think I’m going to love being with him. Wait, he wants me to get bigger? I’m already huge, though… Fine whatever. “Of course, Sir. I’m sure you’ll find that I’m not lacking, and I can be the breast secretary for the job.”

“Right, that’s what this season needs. Workplace sexual harassment role play. With puns.”

"Say what you want about Mark, he knows how to have a sexy time."

“Speaking of an actual hot scene. Laura training Ellen is actually pretty hot.”

“I do like the hypnosis stuff with Flora as well.”

“Laura you are my friend but just because you are Mark’s favorite doesn’t make you in charge of the Harem. I get why you say that, but you weren’t simply willing to give me the bunnies back, because I needed them. I’m not saying you were wrong to request something in exchange, just realize you are essentially telling me to return the bunnies to Aubrey for nothing.”

“I swear, at least half of the girls issues boil down to that fucking transactional mindsets these weirdos have. Nothing is ever done for free, every favor needs to be appropriately returned. JUST DO A FUCKING FAVOR YOU GREEDY BITCHES!”

“I think Sam’s date does deserve a mention. She transforms into a dragon and Mary gets to ride her.”

“It’s the little things you know? When your girlfriend offers you to become a mound for your amusement, you can at least show some restraint. Some confirmation that what is an extremely dehmunazing action is actually ok with them. Mary just goes Weeee, Dragon ride!”

“Gina…”

“I made a promise about Mark, Marcie. I said nothing about Mary.”

“But Dragon riding is not all they do. The other side of the island is home to Dinosaurs and Mark and Sam are going to hunt a Tyrannosaurus Rex.”

“Reminds me of those asshole billionaires who go on a safari to hunt critically endangered species.”

“No Gina. These people actually have a chance to die. Mark and Sam will just immediately teleported to safety if they encounter mortal danger.”

"Marcie, your breasts are leaking."

"Must be your imagination:"

"Are you actually getting annoyed by something Mark does?"

"...it was mostly Sam's fault for suggesting it and Cassandra for allowing it."

"And?"

“I always had a fondness for the T-Rex. It was my favorite Dinosaur.”

“...that makes so much sense.”

“I feel I am being insulted.”

“Nah, must be your imagination.”

“Mark, I don’t know what to call you but you're clearly on the spectrum.

“Well it took over 100 chapters but someone finally said it.”

“Yes, you can actually. How you feel maybe not, but how you frame things is up to you. Aubrey, I truly love you but the more I think about it. The more I realize how shitty we’ve both been to Mark.”

“You really, really weren’t. That said, I forgot if this is just a transformation talking or not. The characters keep receiving five billion transformations and upgrades and alterations to their tf’s.

Mark was the one to speak first. “Aubrey, first I want to say thank you. I didn’t the other day because of the other things we discussed but I should have. If not for you Laura would be pregnant right now. So, thank you. Second, I want to apologize. I don’t think I’ve been handling your TF completely fairly.”

“What’s this? Is that actual growth?”

“Because you are a tiny bit sexist.”

“Never mind.”

“NO!” Allie was furious. “MY BED! Yes I know we rotate but it’s MINE tonight and most of the round. You had to take not ONE but TWO WOMEN into the bed I have to sleep in! Neither of them even share the room with me! That is supposed to be my space right now Mark! Now I'm going to smell the three of you all night and probably for the next couple days!” Allie was getting worked up and both her girlfriends placed a hand on her shoulders, both in support and to try and calm her. “Neither of them even…” Allie trailed off realizing something. “Never mind, not the point! Mark seriously! I’m really trying to be understanding but why not take them to their own room?! Why did it have to be here where I have to smell it! Why did you have to rub it in my nose.”

“Valid crash out. See Gina? Mark does receive push-back.”

“Bah!”

“I am just saying. Your criticism does feel rather unfair at points. Mark is not perfect but he does try his best.”

“Oh look Marcie, Marks eating Dino-meat. And enjoying it."

“...he must be punished for his crimes.”

“Allie what the hell?” Mark turned around to face her, “I’ve explained to you numerous times why Digimon is a better show and franchise than Pokemon is. Do I need to go over it again?”

“I just want to point out that we have reviewed porn stories about Pokemon. I can not say the same about Digimon.”

“FUCK YOU, SARCKLE!”

“Thank you, Gina.”

“And at last we arrived at the challenge. A twist on the classic transformation gun challenge.”

“Yeah, the twist being that they get send back to earth to transform regular people. Mostly for ****.”

“Well, not only ****.”

“Okay. I feel like I should let ye ken that ye might be a candidate anyway.” Noo I see why Laura’s opinion o’ her was relevant. “Apparently there is a rather big MILF crowd.”

“No, you are the MILF’s that professor would be a GILF.”

“Well, I’ll be damned. Magic is real.”

“That’s how most of the victims react to this revelation. Very chill.”

“Not the one that got **** transformed.”

“Oh yeah, apparently there are a lot of irredeemable scumbags in these girls life. They went easy on them though.”

“One got his penis erased, Gina.”

“As I was saying, they went easy. Merida was quite nice with Lucy. Heh, Lucy."

“The winner of this challenge is Aubrey of all people. As for last place Chloe. Kinda rude.”

“Eh, whatever. It was completely subjective anyways.”

“Moving on we get two new contestants joining the harem."

"Yeah, we haven't even talked about the last one, but sure, pile more on."

"Sadie and Hilde, which the later has to join the Harem for some mysterious ploy to help ASTRID.”

“We did not really talk about Astrid, huh Marcie?”

“Gina, this follow up has already gone on for far too long.”

“Ok, I mean we know what the deal is with Hilde but Sadie just got kinda brushed off?”

“Hi, My name is Sadie Harper. I know Mark from college. I asked him out once because I thought he was cute but also wanted to get Chloe to actually act on her feelings, she was just such a coward she couldn’t. Then turned into a massive bitch just because I asked him out. I currently work in R&D for pharmaceuticals but was recently asked to take over the PR campaign for a new ****. I am 32 years old, 5”6’, my measurements are 32B-24-38, 140 lbs. I’m bisexual, and a virgin because daddy would cut me off if he found out I had sex before marriage. Though I’ve given blowjobs before.”

“She does essentially just join the harem with very little decorum. And yes that is somewhat of a stable of this season but it does bother me a tad, especially since we got all these long scenes with potential harem candidates back on earth."

“I hope Sadie wins. I’m putting her as best girl just out of spite.”“Moving on to the transformations then.”

“Now onto the next TF. This one was really close for a while, but Team Cow-girls just couldn’t overcome Fairy Lust. But to all you Cowgirl Cow-girl fans out there I promise I’ll bring this one back for someone else in the future.”

“Bwahahahahahaha!”

“Gina, contain yourself.”

Sadie was a fairly petite woman in the first place, but her breasts shrunk a little,

“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Gina!”

“Fine! Fuck! Just let me have some fun!”

“Gina we both know she will end up with huge breasts anyways.”

“Ok for once, the audience wasn’t complete dipshits with Sadie. She got some fun stuff. Pretty much turned into a fairy with some good rivalry stuff going on.”

“She does have potential.”

“Providing Mark isn’t fucking things up again. Of course he is. Uggghhh, I'm getting preemptively angry!"

“Moving on to the transformations for our regular harem. I like the one of Chloe. The bunny will win but it comes with an extra of maid at the side. So that should be fun.”

“I was lied to. There was no slimegirl transformation. I didn't kill myself for no reason."

"You still are not allowed to kill yourself, Gina."

“Also Mark can’t stop being creepy for five seconds by wanting the customizable option for Allie.”

“Aside from that nothing really piqued my curiosity. I do want to comment on this monstrosity however.”

Multiversal Kitsune: Merida will become a kitsune with three tails. She’ll gain some basic magic powers of a kitsune, like minor illusions, some shape changing, and the like. In addition Merida will have the ability to transform one of her tails into a Merida from an alternate reality where things did not go well for Merida. Merida may select one copy she has summoned each round to be a permanent addition gaining a new tail that represents that particular Merida growing her magical power in the process (Max 9 tails). Merida may only have two copies manifested at any one time. The other permanent Meridas are passengers in Merida Prime’s body. Merida can share thoughts and any sensations with her copies she wishes. Their personalities are distinct however and they are not slaves but are generally helpful as she rescued them from a less than pleasant fate. The copies are bound to her and Mark as part of the harem if they remain permanently and won’t actively act to sabotage Merida Prime. Only Merida Prime is required to spend date night with Mark/Mary. [Multiversal Muse][Posh Vixen][Merida][Boon]

“That has more text than a Yugi-oh card, Good lord.”

“Ok, best and worst girl, Best Girl Sadie. Worst girl Mary Sue”

“You waited a long time for that one, huh Gina?”

“Your turn. Marcie.”

“Worst girl: The pun hater, best girl: Ellen.”

“Really? Why Ellen?”

“I liked most scenes involving her. It was a close one. I also enjoyed Aubrey, Flora and...”sigh” Merida.”

“Wow, so your pose fetish overpowered your hatred for the Scottish, huh?”

“No comment, but I believe we can at last close this review.”

“Fucking finally. This was an ordeal.”

“And we really only touched the surface of it. There are a lot of developments we skipped over for the sake of brevity.”

“We didn’t even mention Bruno. But yeah, this harem has a fucking dog. I’m amazed Mark allowed to have another male organism in his harem.”

“Gina.”

“Fine! Fuck!”

“Overall, this was not a terrible read, but the many plots, ploys and relationship in play did tend to get somewhat confusing.”

“Yeah, I long since forgotten who fucks who right now both figuratively and literally.”

“Last time, I complained that certain events are not be given the weight they deserve, that is still present albeit to a lesser extent. I think some scenes, like the wake of Sam’s father very handled really well, but other, like the introduction of Sadie should have had more time devoted to them.”

“Fuck you, Mark.”

“And with that, we can finally close this review for good. Now, let us see how Cutie has gotten along with his clean up duties...”

“And fuck you, Mermaid.”