No Hard Feelings

“It’s not fair!” I wail. It felt just like finding out Trix had a terminal cancer or something, the news is a jagged bullet through my heart. “It’s not fair!”

“I know, I know.” Dev holds me a time as I struggle to make sense of it.

“I need to go talk to her.” I say in a panic. Years suddenly felt like seconds, there wasn’t a moment to lose.

“Calm yourself.” Dev says. “Don’t go to her like this. Jacob, listen to me. You need to be her big brother right now. You need to let her tell you this in her own way and in her own time. It’s good you know, but you need still need to let her do this how she needs to do it. This is too important. Do you understand?”

With a shuddering breath I pull back and nod. “I do.”

“Good.” She says softly. “Again, I’m sorry you had to learn like this.”

“No, you’re right. It’s better I know.” I take a long deep breath. “Damn.”

Dev runs a hand through my hair. “How do you think I feel? I’m going outlive all of you except Mom and perhaps Lucian. Vespera I’m not sure about, nobody is sure about. For me it feels like yesterday that you were born. You guys grew up so fast and you’ll be gone before I know it. Our family certainly has some unique challenges.” She pulls me in for another long hard hug. “Treasure the time we do have Jacob. Things will change. Enjoy this moment while we have it brother, it won’t last forever.”

“Yeah but…20 years at most. It’s so short. I just…can’t believe it.” I shake my head. “It’s not fair.”

Devany sighs sadly. “Probably shorter. She had grandmother do something with her a while back. They argued about it and I overheard a little. From what I gathered whatever it was took some time off her life. Months, maybe a year. I’m not sure though, it was between them.”

“Oh my God.” I gasp. “Don’t tell me that!” When Trixie told me the gift was a piece of her she didn’t just mean physically, but temporally as well. She sacrificed a bit of her own life to give me that toy. WHY!? As wonderful as that gift was I would trade it in a second for those precious months to be added back to her life. “Ohh noooo!”

“You know what it is.” Dev says.

I can’t stop myself from sobbing once more, this time not angry but deeply anguished. “Nooo.”

Devany takes me back in her arms.

“There has to be a way.” I whisper. “We can’t let her go.”

“It’s who and what she is Jacob. It’s nature. It’s the same with you.” Dev says. “I would share my gift with her if I could, trust me. Even if that were possible though Trixie said she wouldn’t take it.”

“Magic!” I insist. “Dad needs to cast a spell on her!”

“If only it were that easy.” She says. “Life and **** are not trifling things. Life can be extended but the price is more than most can pay. The magics would change her and her light would not shine as bright. Nobody wants to see that, not with Beatrix. If she were a witch there would be options, if she had innate magic of her own, but she is a common slime.”

Still **** to blame someone or something I keep my ire focused on my father. “Dad makes her go to school and she hates it. What a waste of time! What’s the point?”

“It gives her life structure and stability.”

“Structure for a slime? What a joke. Slimes are the opposite of structure. She needs to be free.”

“Don’t be too harsh.” Dev says. “She wants a human life. She had a chance to join her kind and find a mate but she refused. It’s not all on Mom and Dad. Despite her complaining she could leave school if she really wanted to. But there she has friends. She has drama. She has a purpose and excitement.” We pull apart again and hold hands. “And maybe, just maybe, living as a human she’ll find someone. A human man who can accept her for what she is, someone to share her life with. She can’t have a life like that isolated out here all the time.”

“I don’t want to let her go.”

“Then don’t. Hold onto her while you can. Grab every second you have together with both hands and treasure it. And when it is her time to go continue holding onto the memories you’ve made with her.” I hear a tremble in her voice and realize Dev was cracking too, her grip tightens. She was talking as much about the rest of us and her as she was about me and Trixie. “Let her know she’s special. Let her know she’s loved. Keep her in your heart forever.”

“I love you Dev.”

“I love you too kid.”

We come together for yet another long loving hug and damn good cry, more me than her but she sheds tears too. When we part again I wipe the tears from my cheeks and take in good hearty breath. “I need to talk to her.”

“Remember Jacob, let her be the one to tell you. Be strong now. She needs her big brother.”

I nod. “I know. Thank you Devany. You are my rock.”

She pats my cheek. “So what did you come to talk about if not this?”

I shake my head. “Nothing. It was just a school thing. She lied to me.”

“Oh?”

“I’ll tell you later.” I go to kiss her on the cheek but she tilts her head so that the kiss ends up being mouth to mouth. She holds me there for a long second before she releases me. “Woah!” I gasp.

She pulls a sharp nail along my jaw then flicks my chin. “Go talk to her kid. If anybody can make her feel better it’s you.”

“Thanks again Sis.”

“Anytime Jacob.”

I slip from the covers and hear her settle back into the bed. I make my way through the darkness to the door, stepping out I close the door behind me. I stop briefly by a washroom to make sure it wasn’t obvious I’d been crying then hurry back to Trixie’s room. In the week since my birthday I had been through the ringer emotionally but right now all I cared about was Trixie. If not for Trix Vespera wouldn’t be here now and I may very well be dead. I had taken her for granted, never again.

As I turn the corner to the West wing hall I see Trixie standing at my door. For some reason she is in her human form. Purple pixie cut hair, bright hazel eyes, adorable freckled cheeks, and still in her school uniform. In her hands she holds the crumpled history exam that had been smoothed out again. She stares down at it silently. She must have heard me coming but she doesn’t make a move.

I wanted to rush to her and twirl her around in the air and beg her forgiveness and hug her for an hour but reading her somber mood I knew this wasn’t the time. I walk up to her and say in a soft voice. “Hey Trix.”

“Hey Jake.” She whispers without looking up. She had an odd expression, she was hurting but also serious and determined in a way I’d never seen before.

I look at my closed bedroom door then back to her. “You wanted to see me?”

“I’m sorry for how I acted.” She says in a wavering voice. “I acted like a little baby up there.”

“Hey, I’m sorry too. I was a big dumb jerk. No hard feelings?”

She nods.

“Trix, look at me. Please.”

She looks up at me, a little bit scared but **** to mend our special bond. I stare into her eyes. “I didn’t like that you lied to me, that is what I was most upset about. It came out wrong and for that I apologize. But please, don’t lie to me again. Okay?”

“Okay.” She sniffles, valiantly holding back tears. "I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” I say. “Let’s put it behind us.”

I could sense she wanted to say something so I give her time and space to build up her courage. “Um, Jake, I know this will sound like an excuse to make us spend time together…but I swear I’m serious.”

“Trix, I don’t need an excuse to spend time with you. I love it when we’re together.”

A fragile smile plays at her lips. “Me too. Um.” She looks up at me again and hesitates, then finally says. “I…I need help. I need someone to help me. You or Luci or…just someone.” She looks back down to the test. “I…I just can’t do it on my own. I’m not smart like that. I really did study hard Jake. I studied real hard but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t lying about that part. It’s just…so hard, ya know?”

I put my hands on her shoulders. “I know. I believe you. Trix, if you really did your best that is all anybody can expect of you. And of course I will help you, in anyway you need.” I say. “I am so proud of you and I love you so much, no matter what. Don’t you ever doubt that, okay?”

She nods and says quietly. “Okay.”

I hug her. “Okay.” She hugs me back with all her strength. I wished I could hold her forever and ever, I never wanted to let her go.