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The entire time you describe the video, Nate’s mouth is dropped open. “What the fuck?” he says, laughing in disbelief. “What did he mean, ‘six ounces’? Does he harvest it or something?”

You shrug. You literally have no context beyond what was in the video on Ms. Delilah’s computer. Nate rubs his face and says, “Theodore? The dude who only speaks in dad jokes?”

He stands up and paces the room. “Is he, like, domming the professors?” Nate scratches his head. “I mean, if he taught Chemistry then maybe the fluids… but he teaches Shakespeare…”

Your roommate turns to you and sighs. “Dude, you’ve been here for like, barely three hours, and already discovered fucking institutional-breaking, FBI-level ****. Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m just Peter,” you say, shrugging. “It’s all been random. I mean, you voluntarily showed me a video of yourself getting a blowjob.” Nate throws his head back and laughs. He says, “True.”

Then you both hear a “ping!” chirp out from the computer’s speakers. Just like the “ping!” you heard on Ms. Delilah’s computer, before discovering the videos of Dr. Theodore doing… stuff…