Newman did nothing wrong.

“I-I had to get us out of there!” John’s voice echoed in the vacant house, and hearing it made him look around at those who escaped. Tricia had fallen to her knees and hugged herself as she quietly whispered to no one. The halo had vanished, thankfully, but her Eye had entered a loop of opening as it tried to calm her. Standing over her, the Almiraj looked to their master with confused stares and eyes that still glistened. Vok... Vok had never been to Earth until now, and his shocked, almost limp pose suggested he still hadn't quite arrived.

“You know what I mean, damn it,” Moira growled. “What was she talking about? What did you do?”

"S-She?"

"The seraph, Newman!"

“How should I know?! I don’t speak Angelese!”

Moira blinked at John, her nose flaring. “What are you talking about? You know what the word ‘crime’ is, don’t you?”

“Sure, but not in whatever-the-Hell language you two were using!”

“What the- Lady preserve us, John, this is serious-!”

John stepped towards the Warden. To the defensive warrior, it seemed an attack as his hand drifted towards her shoulder. He passed her shield. She raised her hammer-

You healed Moira for 70hp.

The Warden felt the relief wash over her... along with a touch of embarrassment. Her reaction was not lost on John, but he kept his eyes bored into hers even as the warhammer hung in the air. “We’re in this together, Moira... so please believe me: I don’t speak the language you two were using.”

“We spoke in plain English.”

“You didn’t.”

"We did-"

“He’s... right,” Tricia half-choked out from where she kneeled. She looked up at them with bloodshot eyes. “My translator function was still active, but that tongue was some dialect of Abyssal it couldn't interpret...”

Moira looked between the two, confusion evident on her face. “I... but I don't know anything like that! I barely understand German, for Heaven's sake!"

Tricia continued to mutter to herself.

"I think... we should take a minute to calm down," John carefully whispered. "Tricia, can we go down to your place?"

"I would prefer it," she answered softly.

Moira stumbled over single syllables as she tried to find some reason to protest, some grounds to demand explanations now... but the victory belonged to the exhausted, downtrodden faces in the room. "Fine..." She sniffed, and sniffed again, and finally looked down at herself with a grimace: aside from the damage to her armor, she was absolutely caked in the drying blood of Vok's kin. "In any case, your barriers apparently fail to clean us up once we're out. I'll be using the shower first." No one protested.

Ten minutes later...

<The moon elf has seen to their health... but the one known as Vok remains unresponsive, and Fairy is still missing.> Alysha's report did nothing for John's worries, but he thanked her all the same. With his summons all dismissed-or banished, as it were-only the humans remained in Tricia's bunker: Moira in the shower and Tricia sitting across from John in the pair of faux seats she raised from the ground. She hugged her own legs as she stared beyond the diagnostic report floating before her. John was still struck silent with all that had transpired but found some comfort in being distracted by his swamp of pop-ups.

Congratulations! You've completed your first Complex!
The party earned 112,941XP, divided as follows: Moira (45,573), John (41,610), and Tricia (25,758)
Default loot system is Master Loot: party leader is given all material rewards to distribute as he sees fit.
You've earned the following rewards for your objectives: 40 gold bars; Lightblade Dagger; Dice of the Cheat; 6 vials of Flamescale bile; 3 fire scales; 2 dragon talons; 1 preserved eye of a dragon; one random magical item with one property defined by user [choose within 24 hours]; 1 copy of "Journeyman's Guide to Alchemy"; 1 copy of "Haxton's Treatise on Outsiders, 18th Edition"; 1 copy of "Dwarves Are From Mars, Elves Are From Venus: The Big & Small of Finding Love in the Abyss"; and the Slippers of the Fairy King

You've collected the Hate bounty on Yunikal the Red! 3,000 soul gems have been deposited in your Temple.

Achievement unlocked! "Inferiority Complex"!
Complete your first Complex. Challenging, right?
+5,000XP
+1 paragon point

Achievement unlocked! "Completionist Complex"!
Complete all main and bonus objectives of a Complex. Waste not, want not.
+2,000XP
+1 to a skill of your choice [choose within 24 hours]

Achievement unlocked! "Killing the Dragon"!
Slay a mature dragon of any type. You'd be surprised at how big they get!
+10,000XP
+suit of dragonscale armor OR dragonscale enchantment on any piece of clothing [choose within 24 hours]

Achievement unlocked! "Massacre"!
Slay 30 or more enemies within a 30-minute period. You monster!
+2 to STR
+2 to INT

Heal is now level 7!
Biomancy is now level 11!
Spiral Snake style is now level 17!
Armor of Baldr is now level 5!
Summon/Dismiss is now level 13!
Heal Monster is now level 12!
Quickcast is now level 5!

Ding! You're now level 22!
+50HP, +50MP
+10 stat points
+1 paragon point

Ding! Moira is now level 24!
+50HP, +50MP
+3 STR, +1 AGI, +3 END, +2 WIS, +1 LIB

Ding! Ding! Tricia is now level 15 from 13!
+50HP, +50MP
+1 AGI, +2 END, +5 INT, +2 CHA

Your guardian angel has forsaken you. Summon Angel has been refunded. Please choose one of the alternative skills: Detect Evil, Detect Lies, Holy Light, Lay on Hands, Smite Evil.

John found less distraction than he had hoped for in those messages. Determined, he continued with all the messages containing choices.

Please enter a property of the magical item you desire: P A N T S
You've obtained the leggings of the laborer!

+5 END, +1 INT, +4 WIS

Achievement unlocked! "Wisdom of a Fool"!
You've obtained 100 points of Wisdom! You're no Buddha, but you're doing alright!
+10,000XP
+1 to any skill of your choice [choose within 24 hours]

You've entered two paragon points into BLESSING OF HEALTH, reducing the effects of hunger, thirst, and time on your body.

Quickcast is now level 6!
Quickcast is now level 7!

You've chosen Lay on Hands.
Lay on Hands lvl 1, 30mp
You can lift certain status effects from a target based on the level of this skill. Lifted status effects are transferred onto you one round later, though each will be adjusted based on your attributes relevant to the affliction. At level 1, Lay on Hands can only lift fatigue.

With all his bonuses applied, John reviewed his new magical items with that same, distant stare.

Lightblade Dagger: this ivory dagger glows bright in the presence of ghosts or any other foes who, while on the same plane of reality, are not corporeal. Any attacks made with the blade of the dagger will strike the incorporeal as if it were corporeal.

Dice of the Cheat: these plain, bone-carved dice will always roll whatever result the roller wishes, no matter who happens to be rolling them. Having them physically on one's person also grants a +20% critical chance to the first sneak attack in a day.

Laborer's Leggings: made from tough linen and padded on the interior, these enchanted pants grant their wearer +3 to Endurance and Strength and allow the wearer to lift twice the normal weight they could.

Sandals of the Fairy King: these comfortable, silvery sandals are woven from mithril and enchanted from being used as slippers, by some Grand Fairy King of yore, for 1,000 years. Virtually indestructible and always fashionable, they convey a number of a Grand Fairy’s more elementary powers onto the wearer so long as the wearer is of at least the ability's level: charm monster (lvl 30), major illusion (lvl 25), disguise self (lvl 20), invisibility (lvl 15), and faerie fire (lvl 10). Wearing the sandals also grants the user +20 charisma and makes their lies twice as believable.

An artifact of "substantial power" was not sandals, in John's mind, but the benefits listed couldn't be ignored. With only one choice left, he contemplated it carefully.

CHOOSE ONE:
Dragonscale Armor: this fitted suit of medieval knight's armor is made from the preserved scales of a dragon instead of steel, granting the user a basic Detect Dragons passive, 200 fire resist, and 20 physical damage resist. Cannot be combined with any shirts, pants, vests, or robes.

Dragonscale Enchantment: applied to an existing mundane or magical item, this will add a 100 fire resist bonus and 10 physical damage resist. Cannot be applied to artifacts.

I wouldn't even know how to wear knight's armor, nevermind how clunky it might be... that decides it: time to upgrade my new favorite pants!

Dragonscale Laborer's Leggings: made from tough linen and padded on the interior except for two stripes of tiny dragonscales that run red lines down the lengths of either leg. These enchanted pants grant their wearer +3 to Endurance and Strength, allow the wearer to lift twice as many pounds as they normally could, give them +10 physical DR, and +100 fire resist.

John began to undo his regular pants, working to get his new gear on as the last thing he could try to distract himself.

Moira exited the shower, apparently comfortable enough around John to strut nude to her shield without giving him a second glance. Her ruined armor and stained gear had all been shoved into her little pocket space already, and now she fished out the casualwear she had brought to their impromptu meeting. John eyed her as he put on the sandals; her demeanor had changed so drastically from his little bedroom invasion stunt earlier in the week. John winced at how cold the footwear was, made from woven metal as they were, but was surprised at how comfortably they clung to his feet upon standing. Looking down, the new gear was incongruent with the old: a nice shirt and vest coupled with plain peasant pants from a Renaissance Fair and gaudy, silver slippers. The red goblin air steppers he had on were tossed in his inventory along with the rest of the loot without a second thought.

Tricia seemed done with her diagnostics. Moira was done "calming down," though she didn't look it.

John, now fully kitted and fully recovered, looked at the very different expressions confronting him. He felt no more ready to provide a good explanation, or break-down, than he had when they had barely escaped the "angel" in the first place.

Tricia wasn't willing to wait until he was. "We need to conduct a full debriefing for that... experiment."