Neurosis Wears a Gentle Form (Claire's POV)

(Claire’s POV)

I held the phone in my hand. A black, utilitarian flip phone built solely for its core functionality. No frills, not even a camera. It was night, I was at the edge of my bed, flipping the phone open and shut, hearing it click each time I did so. Contemplating. This was the phone Mother gave my sister and me. The phone that Yun wanted to throw away after wanting nothing to do with her or her coven. I had convinced her that we should keep it in case of an emergency. A half-truth.

Ever since Mother visited to make amends, there was something in those far recesses of my mind that wanted to learn more about her. The woman who headed a coven of skinwalkers to further her own goals and ambitions. The woman who raised me as a mother, yet who I resented so. The woman who wore my skin and lived my life.

As my mother, she was distant, seemingly uninterested beyond the basic obligations of a parental role. Not cold, but… as if she didn’t want me in the first place and had to make do. At least that’s what I thought before knowing she was a skinwalker. Was she following the instincts and behaviours of the real Patricia? A woman who is biologically my true mother, but yet I’ve never actually known.

When she wore my skin, I could feel her emotions ripple towards me. A flurry of complex emotions of duty to her coven, mixed with love tinged with regret.

I watched horrified when she first used my body to replicate my skills and memories to play video games. It was unnerving when those around me, the barista, my colleagues, my neighbours, were none the wiser to the imposter they were interacting with. Horrifying still, when she posed in front of my mirror, speaking to me through my reflection. She complimented me with a slyness I’ve never exhibited, knowing I’d remember.

Yet I could feel her genuine demurred melancholy as she recalled me recanting her as my mother whilst she was Laura.

She could have hidden those feelings from me.

I sighed. I was going behind Yun and Dahlia’s backs by doing this. Intentionally waiting, no urging, them to go away on their summer break together. They had invited me to join them, but I declined under the wavering excuse of work. The truth, admittedly, was I didn’t want to be a third wheel in their relationship. After what happened with Mother wearing me, Yun had been overly protective, like the early days when Ed supported me when I ran away from home. He broke up with Sarah just to look after me.

Was I afraid something like that would happen to Dahlia?

Too many thoughts Claire, focus.

I had to speak to Mother, I had to tell her how I felt, and maybe, wistfully, she could help assuage Yun’s worries about me.

I pressed the call button. No going back now.

She answered in a high-pitched voice that wasn’t hers.

“Isn’t it a little late to be calling, Claire?”

She had punctuated my name in the same airy manner as when she needed my attention when I was a child. She knew it was me.

I took a breath in, trying to focus, yet failing to steel my nerves.

“Um, Mother, I think we should talk.”

“Mhm? I thought you got all the loose ends tied up last time I visited.” Mother paused, carefully contemplating her next words. “Though Yun and Dahlia did dominate the conversation, you barely got a word in. Is that why you decided to call while they were away?”

“No,” I quickly uttered, “I mean, they’re on summer vacation, I just thought we’d resolve our own differences, um, without involving those two.”

“You’re such an awful liar, Claire,” Mother teased. “Ever since you were small, you’d have that quiver in your voice.”

“But it’s true,” I persisted.

“Heh, if you insist. Though, the phone is such an impersonal manner of conversation. I’d miss out on seeing my lovely daughter’s face.”

“You want to meet in person?” Biting my lip, was this a good idea?

“I’d love to spend some special one-on-one time with my daughter.”

“I, uh… okay,” I spluttered, unable to reason against.

“Wonderful, I’ll let it be a surprise when I’ll appear.”

She hung up without further details.

The immediate concern was more ‘who’ she would be appearing as rather than when she’d appear. Why did I agree to meet in person? Silly Claire, you’re going to get skinned again. And now, every person I see might be her disguised.

I couldn’t think like that - that paranoia would drive me crazy. And we’d made peace, she wouldn’t betray that trust, right?

Skinwalkers or not, I had a life to live - my cop colleague, Allistair, invited me to join his family on a fishing trip. I’d lead to him worrying about me if I cancelled last minute and the likelihood of Mother replacing Allistair or his family felt small. That’s what I told myself - logic wasn’t convincing enough for a good night’s sleep though.

A sunny, breezy morning welcomed me on the day of the outing. Allistair was kind enough to pick me up from home on-route to the stream in the countryside. When his station wagon had arrived, I had meaninglessly glanced at him and his family from the window as if I could tell if a skinwalker was wearing one of them. You’re being silly, Claire, there’s three of them, Mother said she wanted one-on-one time.

Grabbing a bag filled with comics that I knew their daughter, Izzy, would enjoy - I left the sanctuary of my home and went outside to meet them.

I sat in the back of their car beside Izzy, who grinned ear to ear while she flicked through the pages.

“You’re spoiling our daughter with all those comic books, Claire,” Abby joked.

“Don’t listen to Mom! She’s just jealous she doesn’t have anything to read while we’re out.” Izzy shot back.

“Is that so,” Abby challenged. “Say Claire, did I ever tell you, during a forest walk, Izzy got so scared that she–”

“Nooo, no, no!” Izzy interrupted, “She doesn’t need to hear about that!”

“Oh, you should talk about the time, Izzy thought she lost Mister Snuffins,” Allistair chimed in.

“Daaad! Stop!”

The self-proclaimed “A-team” in the front, however were undeterred by Izzy’s protests and proceeded to do everything possible to embarrass their poor teenage daughter to her apparent ‘cool’ older friend. It was amusing to see Izzy’s face turn from pale to red, whilst her parents recounted her early childhood and embarrassing moments.

It was a relief for Izzy when we finally arrived at the stream. Al went to set up the rods whilst us girls set up a small picnic area further up in the grass.

After several trips back and forth from the car to the fishing spot we had finished. The area looked rather cosy; a large parasol sat atop the gingham picnic blanket providing shade to Izzy and Abby who were nibbling on snacks.

Allistair was by the water, content that everything was set up properly, I joined and sat on the camping chair beside him. After some half-baked instructions on what to do if a fish bites that ended with, “You’ll figure it out,” we waited, listening to the sounds of nature. The arrangement was just like our patrols except instead of waiting for dispatch, we were waiting for fish to bite.

After a while, I turned my head to see Izzy, farther away by the grass, her head leaning against her mother’s side. Abby busied herself by braiding Izzy’s hazel hair, the scene could fit a renaissance painting. There was a serene quality, seeing her read peacefully with the sound of chirping birds as a backdrop.

“Aren’t Izzy and Abby joining us down here?”

Al scratched the back of his head, “They’re not really into fishing admittedly… Once I pulled out the mealworms and maggots their interest completely collapsed.”

“So, why’d you **** them to come?” I joked.

“**** for making me go to that pop concert with them,” he heartedly laughed, “I swear, all the other guys there looked miserable.”

He turned his head to look back at his wife and kid. “But honestly, I’d rather have the two people I care most in the world about than be out all alone.”

“You’re such a softie, Al.”

He grinned. “You can’t say that to your new captain, Claire,” referring to his surprise promotion. It would mean that he’d be overseeing the entire station, rather than joining me on squad patrols. I had leaned on him as a mentor during those shy early days.

Sensing my worried thought, Allistair reassured, “You’ll be fine, Claire. A new partner means you won’t have me slowing you down.” Allistair chuckled. “And if they’re an ass, I’ll fire ‘em on the spot.”

I smiled. Allister had that ability to ease me out of spirals.

“Heh, I’ll hold you to that.”

We continued chatting, all but ignoring the fishing rods in front of us - nothing was biting anyway - and after being called by Abby we abandoned the rods in favour of snacks on the picnic blanket.

Even though we didn’t catch any fish, I enjoyed the outing. After all the events regarding skinwalkers, it was relieving to have some peace. Of course, it was unavoidable to suspect that my mother or her coven was hidden amongst them.

Over the following days, my apprehension of my mother appearing as someone I knew faded. Those around me who, I previously viewed with wary eyes were eventually eased of suspicion. Perhaps she was inside every single acquaintance I met, observing me yet keeping her identity hidden.

There was no way to tell. I just had to wait for her to reveal herself.

She finally made her presence known when I was with Sherine. On a sunny afternoon, sat on a hard park bench. One moment she was gushing over the cyberpunk aesthetic of Akira, the next she tenderly grasped my hand and in an all too doting tone expressed how much she missed me. I shivered, pushed her hand away, a natural revulsion to her sudden change in character.

Studying Sherine’s face radiant confidence was an unnerving contrast to the reserved girl I’d had grown to know. She was like me, in a sense, quiet but opening up whenever the conversation turned to something of interest.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, was that too much of a surprise?” Mother said, “I thought you’d prefer we’d meet out in the open.”

“N-no, um, I just didn’t think you’d wear Sherine, I’d thought you’d be, well, someone else,” I stammered out.

“Oh,” her eyes twinkled with curiosity, “Why wouldn’t I, after all Minh recommended her.”

I frowned after hearing that name, they had specially taken delight in wearing the skins of my friends. Noticing my worried expression, Mother explained;

“He does like to enjoy himself, he certainly makes no apologies for that, though beneath that façade, he can be rather magnanimous. Went to all the trouble to ensure your cop friend got his little promotion.”

I wasn’t sure whether I felt reassured or was even more frightened of the power of Mother and her coven.

“But regardless,” Mother broke the momentary pause, “you wanted to speak to me, and I’m here, as a mother or as a close friend,” gesturing to Sherine’s body.

I spoke, at first lightly touching on Dahlia and Yun’s trip away, trying to be subtle, casual even, but ultimately succumbing to my need to let it all out. My eyes locked to my sneakers whilst I expressed my fears of being a burden to them. That I’d be in the way of their relationship. That I felt as helpless as I did when I ran away from home.

Mother listened absorbing every word stopping with the occasional clarifying question to my deluge of emotions. When I could say no more, she wrapped her arms around me and nuzzled her head against mine. Just as she did when I was a child.

“Claire,” she hummed, “let me tell you how brave you are, and how proud I am to have raised you.” As she said that my mind was already in refutation mode.

“When you were born, I had planned to wear you once Patricia outstayed her welcome. I had imagined that you and Edward would grow spoilt and entitled, not too dissimilar from your father. You’d have been a useful host; a well-connected socialite, a high power lawyer, with money anything is possible. I’m so proud I was wrong.”

“But… I ran away, I ruined your plans.”

“You didn’t ruin anything. I was glad you made that decision. I even helped.”

“You helped?”

“Well, Nikolai did most of the work to keep you safe. He’s a member of the coven, maybe you’ll meet him again.”

“Why did you let me go, instead of, um, stealing my life?”

“You grew on me. You have such a gentle soul, you’re kind and forgiving to the point of naïveté. I’m… not like that. I can’t become that. Patricia suited me better.”

Sherine’s youthful visage held a mournful expression. I felt it was time that I said something I had regretted.

“I-uh, shouldn’t have said you weren’t family. You were looking out for my brother and me, I just didn’t know it at the time. I’m sorry.”

“See, a gentle soul.” Her face morphed to a smirk. “Even after wearing your skin, you’re apologising to me.” I flushed, realising she was right.

“Claire, I’ve been thinking, ever since you made that phone call; how would you like to be a part of my coven? It’d make you feel less alone having a network of people to support you.”

Maybe this was why she wanted to meet me in person, admittedly it would assuage some of my fears though it came with its own problems, especially explaining it all to Dahlia and Yun.

“I’m more than willing to grant you the gifts of a skinwalker personally. You are my precious daughter after all.” She grinned. “And unlike a certain someone, I’ll give you the choice.”