Natsuhi must be the one. (Pink Trigger)

I told Eva it had to be Natsuhi-

"Are you insane?!" Eva immediately balked, pointing her folding fan squarely at my chest and hissing at me with the maximum volume she could bring to bear without calling attention to us. "Now I know you're joking around! Look, do you know something about Battler's taste in women that I don't?"

I couldn't tell that this was far more about my taste in women than Battler's, but still... there's a line to be drawn between Eva and Natsuhi that did point to how those two women might suit his taste. That might be enough...

... I really had no basis for assuming Natsuhi could do what we were about to ask her to. Wouldn't it be exciting if she could, though? I tried to imagine it and found that I could not... probably a bad sign, seeing as I was the one who had written this damn thing. Still, maybe that dead version of me had managed something inspired before he croaked. I had to at least try and find out. Full of unjustified confidence, I told Eva I was absolutely certain and that she needed to trust me.

"Whatever you say. I suppose it might even be a bit fun to see her face when I needle her on it. Okay, you wait on the stairs. You go up if someone's coming from below, down if someone's coming from above. You can remember that much, can't you...?"

I rolled my eyes, but took my place on the landing. Frankly, this was a pretty exposed position, but I thought the second floor was relatively clear. It ought to be safe enough.

While I waited, biding my time by imagining what kind of sexy dance Natsuhi might possibly be capable of performing, I heard the two women approaching. "-I wouldn't bother you, of course, not when you're dealing with the help, it's just I saw something so interesting over here..." Eva rounded the corner holding Natsuhi's hand and leading her.

I snapped myself out of my daydreams to address the woman herself. Greetings, Ushromiya Natsuhi. I am, er...

... I paused a moment while Eva clapped a hand over her sister-in-law's mouth to stop a scream from bringing everyone nearby running. Natsuhi's eyes widened with a mixture of fear, confusion, and indignation as she tried break from Eva's grip.

I cleared my throat, then tried to hurry. Calm down, Natsuhi. I'm a guest of your family. My name is H. I. Player. We're only trying to quiet you because the matter we have to discuss with you is of a sensitive nature, so, please try and remain calm and ignore this mask... I found myself wishing I had taken this alarming thing off before attempting this talk.

Eva slowly removed her hand from Natsuhi's mouth.

Natsuhi clenched her teeth and balled her fists at her side. She seemed to be too proud to scream if this really wasn't any danger, but still intended to show she was ready to defend herself. "Please, clearly explain who you are and what you're doing here, right now!"

Rather than letting a stranger in a mask run his mouth, Eva apparently thought it would be faster if she explained it as family. "Natsuhi, Player here is trying to make you a very generous offer. Actually, he made me a similar offer, and I already accepted. Here, I'll explain..." She pushed aside the brown ponytail of the other woman, then whispered in her ear.

Natsuhi let out a goofy wail, recoiling from Eva as though she'd spit in her ear rather than speak in it. She backed up to the banister and just barely avoided going over it. "W-w-what?! No, I... I beg your pardon?! This isn't funny! It's totally indecent!" Realizing her volume, the woman lowered her voice to a shrill hiss through her clenched teeth. "Eva, I obviously will not indulge this farce, and you disgrace y-your entire family by entertaining it, yourself! P-prostitution! That's basically what it is, isn't it?!"

"Don't put words in my mouth!" Eva hissed back at her, looking a little red, herself. "Nobody's having sex with anybody! Show her the money, Player." Eva reached in and pulled out a stack, apparently believing that was the only way to get the money working its magic on her stodgy sister. "See this? All you have to do is play with him a little, and you'll get what's in my hand right now."

"That's... disgusting, it's vile, and it's... impossible!" Natsuhi shook her head fervently, her elaborate ponytail whipping all around her. "W-what made you think I could even do something like that? Why would I know anything about it? I obviously don't know the first thing about it!"

"Of course," Eva sighed, then turned to me as if to take our leave. However, I fixed her with my stare. I gave her a nod towards Natsuhi, as if to say "you've still got work to do here." I thought there was more to this than met the eye. I definitely didn't just want to see Natsuhi's cute wailing go on even longer... Even without words, Eva seemed to understand well enough to pick up my request. She'd try to do something to draw it out of Natsuhi.

Eva hid her face behind her fan. "Ah, yes, of course... Natsuhi wouldn't know anything about that, would she? She doesn't need that skill. After all, she and Krauss, well... They enjoy a peaceful relationship."

"Y-yes... Of course, my husband has little interest in such things..." Natsuhi rubbed her arm, begging us with her eyes to leave her be.

"Uh-huh. You and Krauss are at the age where you value a stable relationship, right?"

"Yes... Hold just a moment. Krauss and I have always had that kind of relationship, regardless of our age-"

"Well, yes, but now you're at the age where you like to avoid giving my brother unexpected surprises, hm? Sure, maybe it's a little dull, but-"

"Eva! I feel as though you're implying something."

The woman in question smiled behind her fan, visible only to me. "Oh? No, I was just thinking how nice it must be. By contrast, my relationship is more, mm, spontaneous. If I don't change things up every now and again, things get strained. How nice it must be to not have to do anything in particular-"

"Stop right there! I think you're insinuating something, after all!" Natsuhi glared at Eva with indignant shock written on her face. "However, what you're thinking simply isn't true. Krauss and I have... all sorts of cherished, romantic moments..."

"Mm, I'm sure. I'm sure you two fall asleep and snore on each other while reading your separate books on your own halves of the bed, or on the couch, or at breakfast."

"No, that's not it! Our relationship is passionate, I'm telling you!" Natsuhi seemed to have forgotten me entirely, determined to defend her husband's honor from Eva's veiled insults. "A-and I'm perfectly capable of commanding my husband's attention and... s-stirring his imagination..." Once again, the mother's fists were shaking at her sides, although instead of trepidation and summoned courage, her face showed more humiliation. It was clear even she didn't fully believe what she was saying.

"Oh, is that right? And yet you don't even know a single sexy dance? You can't even try?" Eva grinned with her challenge, although I saw the corner of her eye twitch. I thought she knew she was pushing Natsuhi to a breaking point, but had no idea what she'd see when she finally reached it.

"I do! I know how to do a sexy dance!" Natsuhi defended her honor beautifully, her voice ringing throughout the hall. It had definitely been loud enough for anyone nearby to hear. If they had, they were being polite enough not to say anything. Nonetheless, her face immediately grew bright red as she realized what she'd let slip.

"Oh ho! Why don't you show us, then? Show us right here, if you can!"

Natsuhi was retreating, although she smiled as though she was counting this as a victory. After all, she was now the one holding the cards. She denied Eva in effortless fashion. "I'd be happy to prove my words, only the routine requires very specific music. It'd be simply impossible otherwise."

...!!

This felt like the opening. Natsuhi's defenses were all the way down. In this situation, I thought I might actually convince her to play along with our game.