NOOO!!

I panted hard, kneeling at the ground, and soon I started hyperventilating. My brother Chris pulled my head to his shoulder, for my right ear to be closer to his mouth, while he repeatedly whispered words until my breathing calmed down and I could concentrate on what he said.

“You’re okay. You’re safe. It’s me - Chris. You’re okay…” He continued to repeat.

I hug him and sob like a little child missing their parents.

“I fucked everything up again, Chris!” I said between my tears.

“No, you didn’t, Michael. We’ve talked about this. That’s life and shit happens.” He reassured me.

“No, that’s not normal, Chris! Everything is falling apart around us.” I vented.

“Michael! Hey! Calm down.” Leon lowered himself in front of me. “Let’s go back to New York so we—”

He was interrupted by Carl’s body shaking uncontrollably this time. Leon got up, secured his head to prevent it from hurting. After an eternity of a minute, the shaking came to an end. He quickly proceeded to check his vitals and his eyes widened.

“Chris, chest compressions, chest compressions!” He ordered and rushed to search for something in the many cabinets around the room, while my brother obeyed.

After Leon dropped out of Med School in the first semester, nicely asked by our father, he kept the basics and the passion of being an aspiring doctor. He always had that kind of enthusiasm about human health. I guess he watched too many doctor’s shows. I knew he would love to find a defibrillator lying around the corner or an adrenaline shot hidden in those cabinets, but that was a freaking Computer Lab, weirdly adapted by Carl — I could only assume at that moment — to hold the support to our virtual life.

“He’s not coming back, Leon!” He blew some air into Carl’s mouth and stopped to listen to his heart, ears glued to his chest for a second, then resumed the compressions. “Common, Carl!”

My heart sank to my stomach. Carl was the man of my dreams. He showed me love, love doubled up. He wasn’t in his right mind when he did all this. I knew I had to come clean about my powers to him and Jeff eventually, but I wanted to protect them both. This is what happens when I try to do something with my magic. This curse has been following me around since he warned me in my second year. I didn’t want it anymore!

Leon lowered himself in front of me, trying to say something. I was still kneeling in the same position. My knees hurt, but I didn’t care. My heart hurt a billion times more. He was dead. I killed my own boyfriend. The man I loved. I was a murderer. His blood was going to lie on my hands forever.

Chris opened a round pink portal in front of Leon and helped him to get me up on my feet, dragging me to our father’s apartment in New York, where we “lived”. I turned my head behind, so I could see the lifeless body of my boyfriend one last time and remind myself that it was all my fault. Gully had warned me about this over and over. That I was facing consequences of the stone, that I was running out of time. Time was coming for me to make a decision about the Secrecy Stone.

When Chris closed the portal and my brothers dropped me on the living room floor, I wasn’t able to cry anymore. Not because I’m a heartless son of a bitch, but because I was angry at myself. Things could have gone so much differently if I told them about me or if I just did something to help them. Anything. I had multiple opportunities to help my friends, to help my boyfriends, to help my classmates, but I sat still watching everyone face life the hard way, just because Gully and Rae kept saying, “It’s life. Get over it. Shit happens. You can’t interfere that much.” Well, look where this has gotten me. Was I a really good friend? Was I a really good boyfriend? A good person?

I curled onto myself, laying on the couch, in shock with what just happened. All I knew is that Chris and Leon were trying to talk to me, but I didn’t care. The person I wanted to comfort me was dead and the other one probably would end up hating me forever. I felt my left cheek wet to the touch of the leather. I was crying, I didn't know for how long. The last thing I saw was Chris emerging again from a portal, massaging my head and tucking me in to sleep there.