NAKED WRESTLING!

Hard Candy had this great setup only to toss it all aside and took a downward spiral into the abyss for me. A basic rule for writers is show, don't tell. But Hard Candy instead tells and tells and tells and puts so many holes in the narrative that makes it hard for me to want to believe this story.

I don't find Marcie or Gina to be compelling. It's weird because Gambio is clearly able to create compelling characters and what I've read of Clumsy Ninja Kanami so far has been good. They're just not the ones he wants us to find compelling.

Another issue I had was the huge bait and switch. Cursed Punishment is supposed to be about a girl being humiliated. That is literally the entire point. Anyone reading is gonna be coming in here for that. Yet Gambio keeps trying to **** this malesub shit.

I tried a previous time to make a good one but it got overcomplicated, so I'm starting again with a simpler approach after reading some fiction writing essays and watching some videos. I considered deleting the previous attempt but figured someone else might want to continue from there.

I've got two story ideas, each starring a different character. This one will be about Marcie who was the biggest issue with Hard Candy. She who initially started off as a decent character with potential to grow. Unfortunately, all of it was wasted and thrown down the trash. Out of nowhere, within the span of a single chapter, her entire personality shifts into that of an obnoxious moron who saw herself as the centre of the universe.

As for the second character, if there's one bright light in Hard Candy, it's Susan who really stole the show for me when it came to the interesting characters. Susan featured heavily at the start of the story but then yet just faded into the background, so Gambio could focus on characters he had a hard on for like Rina who contributed to a lot of ruin Hard Candy went through.

Susan is gonna feature heavily in Marcie's story, as the relationship with Marcie and Susan was the strongest point of Hard Candy and I wanted to see where it would go.

Well, rant over. This looked like a good place to begin Marcie's story.

--

Suddenly the door burst open and Susan leapt out, kicking me in the face. I went flying. Fortunately, I landed on the ground Black Widow style.

"What the fuck, Susan?" I asked.

"You had her betray me. If I take you down, Gina will welcome me back into the fold," Susan said, running up and punching me in the face. She threw another punch but I blocked her attack. I gave her a side sweep, tripping her up.

Susan cartwheeled back to her feet. We both ran at each other, punching one another in the face at the same time. It looked exactly like that scene from Goku's fight with Vegeta in the Buu saga. Susan's right fist was in my face and my left fist was in Susan's face. We both went flying but landed on our feet.

We tried punching each other again. This time, we punched each other's fist. That actually hurt. Susan took the opportunity to tear my shirt off and punched up in the boob, sending me flying. As she had her hand on my skirt, that got torn off. I was now in my underwear. I kicked both my shoes at Susan but she dodged both of them. I went running at her but Susan grabbed my panties. She swung me about the bathroom until my panties tore off and I went flying through the window.

Susan followed me through the broken window outside, "Ow!"

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"I stepped on some glass," Susan replied.

"Maybe we should have a break," I suggested.

"Nah, I can still do this."

Susan started throwing glass at me but I dodged them all as I charged as her, knocking her onto her back.

"Are you done?" I asked.

Susan tripped me up. I fell onto my back and Susan climbed on top of me and started punching me in the face. She then ripped off my bra.

"Okay, we're both naked now," I said.

"Not yet," Susan, pulling off my socks, "Now we're even."