My name is Candi

Your voice shifts as you speak, rising in pitch and taking on a lilting singsong accent.

"My name is Candi..." You say stopping when you hear what you said "No that ain't right. My name is Candi, Candi! Not Candi, Candi, with an i. Like, OMG I totes sound like a bimbo!”

You give up on trying to say your proper name or anything else since it seems every word that comes out of your mouth is going to get twisted. Instead, you fold your arms awkwardly across your chest and glare at the Professor.

"Too much?" He asks "Yeah, too much. I'll dial it back a bit... Okay, try again."

"Okay..." you say reluctantly "This is sooo, weird. I'm, like, thinking about stuff all normal in my head but when the words come out they're all messed up and wrong. It's like I'm being translated into another langue. When I try and say my name it comes out as Candi instead of Alan. Oh! Hey, I said it!"

You feel a little ridiculous at your excited reaction to the simple act of saying your own name but it's a huge relief. Even better, your speech patterns have settled to the point where you no longer sound like a babbling airhead just a normal, if somewhat excitable, young woman.

"Better?" VonNeudman asks, when you nod he goes back to his keyboard "Good, good. Now I'm going to upload some technical information. Hold on this might feel a little strange."

A moment later new knowledge blossoms in your mind. It's a little like the feeling you had earlier when you recovered your memory except this is stuff you couldn't possibly have learned on your own. Detailed blueprints of the complex machinery that lays under your human-looking skin. A comprehensive awareness of your new body's capabilities and limitations. Everything you need to know to maintain it and even repair it if necessary. You sit down heavily in a conveniently placed chair reeling from the massive info dump.

"Still with us Candi?" he asks and you nod too dazed to object to him using your girl's name

"Okay, and some useful additional data..." he warns you as a new block of unearned knowledge slides into your mind.

This upload seems to be a crash course in being a woman. Specifically in being a woman like Candi.

Suddenly you know what shades of lipgloss will go with your complexion and how to apply it in the back seat of a taxi. You know the exact make and style of shoes you are wearing. What outfits would go with them and what occasions they'd be suitable for.

You know more than could have ever imagined about fashion and cosmetics.

You know the names and relationship status of celebrities you'd never previously given a second thought.

You know how to make your new body do things that you've only ever seen in porn and things that would make a porn star blush.

"Woah," you gasp as the torrent subsidies "I know kung-fu!"

"Unlikely," the Professor frowns as the movie reference sails over his head "I didn’t program martial arts training into this package. I can include it in future updates if you need it?"

You just shake your head too focused on assimilating a lifetime's worth of girl knowledge to explain the joke.

"Well then," the Professor says looking even more smug than usual "Just one more test before I can send you on your way..."