Mixed

I look down in horror at the milky white slime fading into visibility as it leaves my body, and the obviously broken latex wrapped around the trouser trouser titan that felt so good so recently. I can't think of a thing to say, simply staring in shock.

Adam breaks the silence first, “I'll… umm… go get a day after pill.” He starts getting dressed.

I'm still in shock. “Thank you,” I manage.

As the door closes after the DM takes off to try and be the shining knight to my damsel in distress, Brian speaks up, looking at the puddle he's in, “Umm… where's the towels?”

Charles shakes his head, “don't bother….” and begins waving his hands around while speaking something reminiscent of snapping twigs. I hear dice again, and Adam's voice in my head, ‘Successful Spellcraft: Prestidigitation.’

After that, everywhere he focuses for six seconds, a square foot of floor goes from covered in milk and mating materials to dry and clean. I blink a few times, and cast the same spell, joining in. By the time Adam gets back, the apartment is clean and fresh… as are we. It felt kinda weird just making everything go away like that, but hey: Magic!

When Adam walks in with that little white paper pharmacy bag, I am ALL over it, snatching it out of his hands, ripping open the bag, and then very carefully reading the instructions… which basically boil down to “swallow the pill, try not to vomit, still not a guarantee." It's better than nothing, however: I totally take that pill, then a glass of water.

“I just hope it doesn't count as a poison…” my possible rescuer throws cold water on my mood…

…because my character is immune to poison, and so I should be too. “Well…” I consider, “...we've done what we can for now.” I turn and glare at the meat mountain, not that he can see, “...and next time, that giant load is going in my mouth, between my jugs, or on my face, understand?”

Brian takes a breath to defend his actions due to my tone, then pauses, “...'next time’?”

I roll my eyes, “Yes. This body is perpetually horny…” …because I didn't quite follow instructions… “...and I already want another go. I did as soon as everyone was done, really: It never stopped for me.”

Brian considers that, “I really need to get See Invisibility going. Other than that I can't see you and the ‘maybe baby’ thing, you're the perfect…”

“Do NOT use the ‘S’ word,” I interrupt.

“I was actually going to go with ‘girlfriend’,” Brian chuckles.

"Think about it,” Adam chimes in, “We are all friends already and we enjoy many of the same things. That's a few of the big hurdles for relationships out of the way already… and now we enjoy each other's bodies. We could pair off, and life would be great.”

“I wouldn't want to give up using both sides…” Charles considers, “how about a poly pile?”

“I could do this again,” I find myself saying, licking my lips as I see Brian's member waking up and stretching out of his pants. “This body really rewards me for doing what it wants.” And my upper lips are nearly as sensitive as my lower ones. How'd I put it? ‘always ready’ and ‘any of her holes’... my intent at the time was that yes, ‘she’ would enjoy basically any sex act… I quietly rub Adam and Charles’ members through their pants. “I think maybe we're all ready for another go?”

The rather pent-up geeks can't agree fast enough, and we all go at it again… this time, I deep throat Brian (successfully, despite his size... no gag reflex), and Charles uses my backdoor while Adam uses his bakery. And… yep, my rosebud can get me off too. This body is just made for pleasure… literally.

As we're all enjoying the afterglow… and I'm still craving more… Brian speaks up, “Pity it's so hard to see you… so beautiful.”

I shrug… not that he can tell… “I can make an illusion, but unless I keep concentrating, it won't last more than a minute. I could prepare Disguise Self tomorrow, and that'd give me ten minutes, but that's my limit.”

“First level sucks,” Charles agrees.

“So go get some Experience Points and level up,” Adam rolls his eyes.

“Can we?” Brian rubs his chin, “It's not like the world is full of monsters to slay.”

“Not everything in the bestiary is a monster,” Adam laughs, “Simple wild rats are CR ¼, a common dog is CR ⅓, and a wolf is CR 1. You'll need a lot of ‘em, but it shouldn't be a big deal.”

“Our equipment didn't come with us,” I point out, “I didn't wake up with my light crossbow or thieves’ tools.”

“Admittedly bows and swords aren't exactly in our budget, but, ah…” Brian looks at the dent in the couch where I'm sitting, “...all stores experience ‘shrinkage’ to some degree, and the big box store nearby is pretty abusive to their employees. I wouldn't lose any sleep over them being a little less profitable.”

“You want me to steal the gear we can use that they have in stock, and maybe some cash to order the stuff they don't have immediately available,” I choose to speak plainly.

“We would never say that,” Charles smiles.

Yeah, I know that code: We use it in the game often enough to get around particularly specific restrictions. I also know the countersign for ‘let's do it’, “Of course we wouldn't.” I pause, “I could use a chauffeur, though: A police officer pulled over my car for being without a driver on the way here.”

“I can drive,” Adam agrees easily, “I'll just need to remember to avoid the carpool lane.”

“Let's go then…” Adam gets dressed and heads out; I follow, carrying my bag, nude except for my socks and ill-fitting shoes; at least I don't need to worry about blisters.

Adam makes a point of leaving the door open behind him, and I practice lightly pressing it so it looks like it's just drifting closed after. He does similarly at his van (it's old enough to legally use biodiesel, and a previous owner actually retrofitted it to do so… but Adam runs it on regular diesel), opening the door and then taking a bit to look at the sky, giving me time to jump in and climb over the seat. I buckle up; it breaks the illusion of an empty seat… but while I'll survive a wreck, it HURTS, so I'd much rather not crash through the windshield.

We get going, and the DM asks a question I'm sure has been bugging him for a while, “So how'd it happen? How'd I miss out on super powers?”

“I can only guess,” I shrug, “We went to Emily's, had one of those experimental drinks they sometimes give out that never end up on the menus, I made a drunken wish on a shooting star on the way home, crashed on my bed, had a vivid dream, and woke up like this.”

My chauffeur nods, “Shooting stars, drunken wishes, and vivid dreams happen all the time…”

“Best guess is the drink, yeah,” I confirm, “but that IS still a guess. Still… Francine did as much as tell us that the things made from the owner's grandmother's book are legit magic.”

“Oh?” The DM raises an eyebrow.

“Yes, but the stuff normally kept atthe restaurant isn't going to help you much,” I chuckle, “Francine's been growing her chest at about a cup a month from the tea in the break room, and there's another tea that induces lactation. They apparently have a distinct lack of side effects, and have no ingredients that could account for their effects.” I pause, “Also, I LIKE Emily's.”

“Fair enough,” the man laughs as he pulls into the MegaBox parking lot and finds a stall, “I should probably walk around a while to reduce suspicion… and give you the key. Come find me when you're done, eh?” He shuts the engine down, extracts the door key, and holds it out for me.

I grab that key and put it in my bag, noting that it vanishes from view immediately once it's inside the invisible bag… handy, that. I follow Adam out of the van, and into the store I know well:

I worked here before: They're a terrible employer. Technically, it's illegal for them to actively prevent a union from forming. However, every time one does at one of their locations, the parent corporation closes that location immediately on some pretext or other. They have no full time employees at the store: It allows them to skip giving benefits. Virtually every position is minimum wage (the exception being management positions…). The greeters are all retirees who need a little extra cash… and they're hired solely because the corporation can take out enormous life insurance policies on them to cover the corporation's “losses” if those “valuable employees” die for any reason… but management doesn't even bother calling in a replacement if one is out sick. Basically, the big bosses are betting on them dying and recouping the costs of employing them by something that's just shy of insurance fraud. Management actively views every employee as very, very replaceable, pays zero attention to listed availability during scheduling, and does not care at all.

I was looking for a new job before the end of my first shift. It took a couple months, but I got out of there. In the meanwhile, though… well, I know where they keep the cash, how often they open that safe, and where they keep the keys to the glass displays.

The vault isn't my first stop, though: The first thing I get is a few of their large reusable shopping bags - I'm primarily here for goods, not cash, and the bags aren't watched closely at all… but they will let me vanish larger items quickly. I simply grab the handles and lift slightly, wait until they fade out, and go my merry way.

The next stop is sporting goods. Three adult baseball bats are easy: They're left out so people can give them experimental swings. Right into the bag, I don't even care about the cameras at the ends of the aisles: As far as they're concerned, the bats just vanish. A trip out to the van to drop them off, ignoring the alarm going off from the inventory control tags (I do feel sorry for the guy coming IN who looks like he set off the alarm) and we have some basic melee weapons.

Next up is the employee break room, such as it is: That's where the keys are located. They don't trust the employees to take ‘em home, so they're checked in and out as needed. I feel no particular compulsion to sign the sheet when I grab one from behind the shift supervisor's desk while she's dealing with the coffee maker that decided to overflow because I slipped the carafe out of place and left it there. Another few trips to the sporting goods section, and we have crossbows and bolts… and the store's security team disconnecting the asset management alarms for all the “false positives” I've triggered today.

I also get clothes. I am just SO tired of letting it all hang out... a few pairs of some granny-panties that fit, a couple strapless bras after trying them on repeatedly in the changing room to figure out what feels OK enough, a couple skirts (none of the pants fit...) some long-sleeved stretchy blouses (the cut is wrong because this body is just too weird, but they're OK), and some pink running flats. Also a pair of scissors for later.

The cash is both the easiest, and the slowest, major theft of the day. It's easiest because I barely DO anything, and slowest for the same reason: I just wait by the door of the manager's office until someone opens it to go through, and follow. Then I walk over to the safe and wait there until someone opens it to add or remove a bag of cash… and shove a bunch into my sack while they're not actively looking. Then I go wait by the door again until someone opens it, and walk out. Easy, but because it's a relatively low traffic area, it is very time consuming. Full time Invisibility is cheating.

And I'm OK with being a dirty cheater.