Metroid: Hunter Becomes Prey, by Krevmh

“The fuck do you spell that name? Krev...Krevmmm...Krevhuu!”

“Gina please. That is very irrelevant.”

“So, what’s this? Another sci-fi story about a bounty hunter?”

“Yes, I have no doubt that this one will be much better then the one from Ted. Not that this is a big hurdle to clear.”

“Right.”

“After all, it does feature the most iconic female bounty hunter of all time: Samus Aran.”

“I have no idea who that is.”

“...google it.”

“...oh! Ohhh! Ohhhh!!!! Ok, I like what I see!”

“Metroid is one of Nintendo’s most popular IP’s. Perhaps even the third popular behind Mario and Zelda. Although it is probably tied with Kirby. I am very much looking forward to Prime 4.”

“Very interesting.”

“For a Nintendo franchise, it does have quite the deep lore, so it lends itself well for a story.”

“As long as we get a sexy bounty hunter I am happy.”

“Well then, we are reading Metroid: Hunter Becomes Prey, by Kremvh”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Marcie.”

“Yes, Gina?”

“This claims to be first person, female.”

“Indeed.”

“I’m not sure what that thing is, but it sure ain’t female!”

“True, it appears the author misunderstood what first person, female means.”

“That’s not the only thing he misunderstood.”

“Ehem, shall we start at the beginning?”

“You do it, I lost all enthusiasm 10 chapters ago.”

“Well, the story starts out with Samus doing what she does best. Destroying Metroids.”

“Good. These fuckers are revolting.”

“However, one baby Metroid is small enough to hide itself inside Samus’s armor. Which brings us to the premise of the story. The baby will have to slowly grow more powerful and triumph over Samus before the bounty hunter grows wise and destroys it.”

“This abomination has got to be the most vomit inducing main character yet. It’s literally just a floating brain! How the fuck do you write sex scenes with this thing? Oh right! You don’t!”

“I mean there are some erotic scenes in this story.”

The image shifts back to the current time at the right moment for you to see Samus peeling her blue skin off, revealing horrifying pink underneath. You have a moment of sheer panic before realizing that it's the same color as the exposed skin of her face. She's wearing artificial matter of some kind, likely a protective skintight covering, something some of the elders experimented with. With it peeled off, you can finally make out distinct sexual characteristics instead of just vague shapes. Mammalian, as best as you can understand.

“You mean this, Marcie? This shit is about as erotic as the discovery channel!”

“It is certainly a slow burn.”

“That’s one way of putting it. This is just ten chapters of fuck all happening!”

“Ehem, Gina is getting ahead of things. So the Baby Metroid starts out by-”

“Isn’t that against the rules?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“It’s a baby right? How the fuck is Kremchxjbycbhyx gonna write a sex scene with it, without violating the rules?”

“...that is a valid question. Huh. Maybe there won’t be any sex in this after all?”

“Go figure.”

“At least for now, I don’t think the baby finding Samus arousing is against the rules.”

“Holy fuck, does that sound wrong.”

“Anyways, we need get back on track. So, the Metroid wants to turn Samus into a breeding . In order to accomplish this it has to…”

“How would that even work.”

“Gina please.”

“No, seriously, I mean these things don’t need humans to breed right?”

“I will not google Metroid reproduction, Gina. Can I please continue now?”

“Fine.”

“Good, So the Baby Metroid will have to...hmm, actually I don’t think the plot has progressed to the point yet in which the Baby has a plan beyond: gather more intel.”

“I tell you what I happening. The floating brain craves information. What has information? A computer!”

“Which brings us to our second major character if you will.”

You finally squeeze through a cluster of wire so tight that even your gelatinous body has trouble fitting. You emerge into the most spacious area you've seen in the ship yet. Each of the exit ways is the same, so packed by wires as to be near impossible to navigate. The cords all originate from the base of a platform that elevates a necrotic looking hunk of flesh and technology off of the floor. The blob of flesh is mottled grey and brown, seeping milky fluid at all times. It sits mostly silent despite occasional quivers and jolts, wires and probes poke out of the wrinkled skin that makes up its exterior.

“This disgusting thing is called Balthazar.”

“Well, actually...”

“Oh, shut up Marcie.”

“This is a pretty blatant rip off of Evangelion’s Magi system. How foolish of the author, thinking he might sneak this by me.”

“Yeah, right. That’s the big issue with this. Not that our two main characters are monstrosities.”

“Balthazar decides to cooperate with the Baby Metroid for reasons that as of yet are not fully clear. They try to subtly influence Samus but mostly spend time trying to decide how they get her to accept spam emails.”

“And that’s pretty much all they are doing. Two nerds trying to figure out how to talk to a girl.”

“I...hate to admit it, but this does sum it up pretty succinctly. There is a bit of a comedic slant to the whole thing that I am not sure is intentional.”

“And no, I did not masturbate to Kremchucks bizarre notion of porn.”

“Yes, I believe doing so would prove very difficult. It does raise the question if the story is truly fitting for a porn site. Of course this isn’t the first non erotic story we have read on here.”

“Fuck me, this was just as unsexy as the last story, actually this might be more unsexy. At least Allison didn’t actively try to get me to vomit!”

“Despite the authors claim, the story is written in second person which is an interesting choice.”

“You can say that again. How the fuck are you supposed to self insert into this?”

Balthazar does the best he can to shrug, "The first use is that any programmer or manufacturer who wishes to change my nature has access to overrides which break the lock in the case of unanimity. It could be as simple as a code, it could be as troublesome as a specific tool or implant they have access to. There is a black spot in my mind that is not allowed to retain this information. Either way, the logical conclusion becomes that any organisms who have it represent an existential threat to me which I cannot abide. As for the second, when a superuser overrides one of my decisions, so long as it does not violate higher programming, their choice is enforced by a kernel-level override. The cores briefly become one, have the superuser vote applied to them, and then return to normal under new orders. These are two realities of my construction which I am aware of as limitations which pose threats to my own well-being. The second is problematic but too much of a unique and circumstantial quirk to be changeable or of concern. If I were to become capable of operating with only a single core, this as well as the greater issue of the unanimity would both become irrelevant. Without mincing words, I intend to achieve this, and I intend to use you as a means to this end. I believe that I have ascertained the necessary motivators to have you assist me. As a token of my good will, please be assured that I have every intent of providing what I promise in these capacities."

“But the writing itself is good, perhaps a bit ponderous, but some people like that.”

“Who? Psychopaths?”

“Well, it does have a pretty decent likes per chapter ratio. That’s pretty impressive for a story with that little sexual content.”

“I just don’t get the readers on here, Marcie.”

“Anyways, while long-winded the story is not without potential. At the very least it made for an intriguing read.”

“I rather want a sexy read.”

“Look all I am saying is that I am curious how this all turns out once we are done with the...pfft brainstorming phase.”

“Ugh.”