Meeting the In-Laws

“Do I really have to go?” You bride-to-be looks up at you with her pleading kitten like eyes. “It sounds horrible.”

Looking at her you have to smile. Selina is adorable, wearing a spaghetti strap Hello Kitty tank top and pink pajama bottoms, sitting in your office chair with her legs folded up to her chest. When she looks and acts so typically feminine, it's hard to imagine she is also the fierce Catwoman. This is a side of herself she shows no one else, save you, and it makes you love her all the more.

“You have to meet them sometime, you can't wait to the wedding.” You try to reassure your girlfriend. “My dad is going to adore you, and I promise you two will hit it right off.”

“And your mother?” Selina asks with a grave voice.

“She'll come around.” You avoid eye contact as Selina begins to rock nervously back and forth in the chair. “Selina, this is the safest place to first meet her. As the President of the Winslow Family Heritage Trust she will be greeting dozens of people at the annual family gathering. We can slip in say our greetings and get out. Besides, no one owns a social function like you can.”

“Stealing is one thing, but this!” Selina shakes her head. “No, this is just suicide.” Her eyes go wide as a new realization comes into her in mind. “Wait, your mother's maiden name is Winslow?”

“Yes.” You nod.

“You mean, of the Winslow's of Boston? The one's that go way back in the city's history? The ones that are friends of with Kennedy's? The Winslow's of Winslow & Sloan Bank?”

“Yes.” Your a bit surprised Selina knows so much about your mother's side of the family. “My mother traces her heritage back to the Second Mayflower when Increase Winslow came over from England. She was the president of the Hartford branch for many years. She is now considered the unofficial matriarch of the family. How do you know so much about them?”

Selina spins your chair around so that the back is now facing you. “I did some banking with them once.” She mumbles.

Completely ignoring that revelation you try to reassure your girlfriend. “Selina, I love you, my father will adore you, and my mother will eventually like you. Just give her time. When she eventually sees how good you're for me, everything will be okay."

Selina spins the chair slowly back, facing you, though she is in even more of a fetal position. “I bet she loved Jane.” She softly states, contemplating your first wife.

“Not really, the two of them never hit it off.” You honestly state, hoping it will help.

“What?” Selina whips her head up towards you. “She didn't even like little Miss Sweet Polly Purebred? After ten years?!” She rolls her head back. “Oh, I'm so fucking screwed.”

Feeling bad for your fiancee you ponder going over and giving her a hug, however, you realize that it will only bring minimal comfort to your hyper-competitive girlfriend. You want to make her happy, but the quickest way to do that is going to be risky.

“First, language.” You comment. “And cursing while talking about my mother and my deceased first wife. That's worth double for the Swear Jar. Come on, it's not like you're some wanted criminal, or former stripper, or ex-con who has spent time in federal prison, or one of those women with a hot centerfold body that would cause her son, and only child, to propose after but one month of dating that she has warned him about ever since med school.” You pray this works. “Oh wait . . . yeah . . . you're screwed.”

“That's real helpful.” She sneers, but with the emerald gleam in her eyes that you love so much, as she shakes her head.

“Since dating me for a month look at all the rough edges I have sanded off.” You continue to play your strategy out. “Made you into a new woman, you'll do fine.”

As Selina turns her attention to you to no doubt fire some savage sarcastic comeback, you grab a nearby Metropolis Meteors' pillow and fling it at her before she can speak.

Miraculously, it hits her square in the kisser as she is about to open her mouth.

The shocked look on her face is priceless.

“See, a month ago you would've seen that coming a mile away.” You give her your “doctor knows best" look.

Her eyes narrow as she glares at you. “Oh, its on.”

“Haa!” You laugh as you run for your life. “So worth it!”

Selina pounces, causing your chair to spin wildly around before falling over, as she takes off after you in hot pursuit.

Tearing into the living room you knock over a small table as you try to make a sharp left turn heading for the corner and that stupid bowl of fake fruit your mother gave you many years ago.

Selina comes flying in and effortless jumps over the fallen table. When it appears she is going to run headlong into the couch in the center of the room, at the last second she jumps up and with one foot on the back of the couch, and the other on the cushions, she knocks the heavy piece of furniture over as she gracefully rides it over to the floor causing a loud crashing sound.

Wildly flinging plastic fruit at your fiancee you try to replicate that lucky pillow hit, but to no avail. The bananas goes wide, the apple she easily knocks away and the orange she catches and whips back at you.

“Pfft!” You mock as her throw is surprisingly off by several feet as it ricochets off the wall to your side, and then the wall behind you, and then unfortunately smacks you in the back of the head.

“Hey!” You complain as Selina grins.

The voluptuous vixen leaps off the tipped over couch coming straight for you.

“My dad made this, catch!” You toss the wooden bowl the fruit was in at Selina, starling her and causing her to change her focus and trajectory to catch it. Going as fast as you can you reach down and yank the other end of the throw rug she is standing on. For a brief second the gorgeous Gothamite loses her balance, but then does a near perfect backwards cartwheel and ends in a crouched position. Rushing her, you try to grapple her to the ground, but you don't catch her in time before she readies herself. The two of you tumble across the floor in each others arms. Selina, finding the advantage is able to trust you against the base of a bookcase with a loud “thud.” As several books begin to fall you quickly shield your girlfriend.

“Oww, ouch, darn it!” You sputter as several tomes bounce off your head.

“Thanks.” Selina looks up from beneath you and then aggressively jumps on top as you roll together off to another part of the living room knocking over a few chairs and a lamp along the way.

Your fiery fiancee fights back with all of her strength, but none of her skill, allowing you to finally pin her on her back. Firmly holding her wrists to the side of her head you lay on top of your subdued girlfriend. When you go to give her a kiss she playfully hisses and pretends to try to bite you.

“You're the type of woman my mother warned me about.” You both smile at your line.

As you look down at your wife-to-be with great affection a new thought comes across your mind. Of course you know Selina is letting you win this playful little match. Yes, she does like playing the submissive when you two get a bit more frisky in bed. And you understand that Selina knows how important it is to protect the male ego, but a new realization hits you. With you Selina is free to simply be a woman and have some child-like fun that was robbed her because of her rough upbringing.

“Again, with the thinking.” Your fiancee looks at you and shakes her head in playful disgust.

“I was thinking what a lucky man I am.” You smile, causing the fieriness of her expression to melt into soft affection. Lowering your lips down you passionately kiss your girlfriend.

“Riinnnggg!” That old fashion rotary phone sound you have as your ringtone emanates from your cell.

“Riinnnggg!”

“Hmpt.” You groan as Selina continues to kiss you.

“My love, you know I have to take it.”

“Riinnnggg!”

“Noo.” The raven haired beauty moans and begins to pull off your t-shirt as you try to get up.

With great effort you roll off Selina and slide over and find your phone among the rumble that is now your living room. Provocatively, your girlfriend slides over next to you and slips her hand underneath your shirt as you try to shew her away while answering.

“Oh, hi mom.” Your sentence causes Selina to roll off you and gently slam the back of her head against the floor in frustration.

“That noise?” You listen for a bit. “Yes, Selina is here with me.” Your girlfriend glares at you with terror shaking her head giving you the universal sign for “No!”

“Yes, I know it's early.” Selina slaps her hand over her face.

“Mom, you know I like to go for early morning walks.” You partially lie to your mother.

“You and dad are in Metropolis?” You're a bit surprised, as Selina turns white as a ghost. You'll be by in a few minutes? Um . . . okay, sure, sure. I love you too.”

Looking around at your destroyed living room you then look speechless as your girlfriend.

“Just shoot me.” She groans as she pulls the rug over her head.