Meanwhile Trois: Meet the Family, Pt. I

"But I don't want to."

Ding-dong.

5 minutes later, Theo found himself sitting by a globe and spinning it with a finger. By the couch, Janette and her parents oozed into a familial embrace. They were missing out if you asked him. He already crossed Haiti twice.

"And who's that you got there? A friend?"

"No, Mom."

"Oh Margaret, don't you remember? That's the dance partner we met at the market. You're on your way now, aren't you, Jan?"

"The studio isn't open on Saturdays, Dad. We're actually going to the square in a bit. And no, that was Ricardo. This," Theo's lovely red-headed girlfriend gestured towards his stiffened back as he simulated a tsunami over half of Eurasia, "is Theodore. My boyfriend!"

"Boyfriend?" A plate hit the floor.

Theo managed a brief wave, anyway.

'Twas a tale as old as time, true as it can be. Janette, see, was still a virgin, with a capital V; she was humpty-dumpty cracked over the wall, fresh on the fence with a short-circuited oven. She kissed a guy in 6th grade. In high school she got her clothes off when Rodney's folks were outta town. One time, while intoxicated by way of a friendly prank, she even let Harry goose her.

And that was it. That was the summit. Everything else was either tamer than domesticated kittens, or, more likely, victim to what a few little birds liked to call the Banning Apocalypse.

'Banning' was taken from the family name, the family name ascribed to two troglodytes: Mr. and Mrs. Banning. Aka, the parents of effervescent Janette Banning, Theo's boo. Aka, the protective guardians of picket-fence cherry-twirler. Aka, teetering on Victorian pundits high on Lysol.

Judge, jury, and executioner, for all prospects past and present. The stories were many, witnesses few. Some were kicked out of windows, some pepper sprayed 3 blocks down, some grilled until their chairs were hotter than St. Helens one unlucky Sunday, and that was all their rectal tolerance needed to emulate the possible Banning experience.

Prospects.

And there that day, joining their ranks, sat a bushy browed Theo, under the hawkish trajectory of heat-seeking parent opticals. If looks could burn, he would've called a firefighter.

Him, aka Janette's first ever boyfriend.

And by the end of that day, the first survivor of the apocalypse.

"So why do I have to do this again?" Theodore Cadwell groaned. one month later.

He had to say -- in his eyes, it was a valid complaint. And he wasn't really the type. But some situations, well, they called for going against type.

Janette was driving them back into town from their apartment on the other side of the valley, the day vibrant and blanketed in sunny skies. Fraternity was in the air and the season was ripe, and today it was to be spent with two parents that nearly castrated a high school senior over a misunderstood theater project. Apparently, it was for a...

"...special occasion, Theo. My sister's finally back from her marine biology program in Italy so the family wants to celebrate it." She glanced at the reticent man in question, who passively stared at the drifting parks and buildings. "I've told you three times already. It'll be fine, I promise." She smiled, her pure face capable of putting infant angels to shame. "All you need to do is keep from making any, you know, possibly incriminating comments or any of those dirty jokes you and Jake always spin; be a good sport, tell them that funny story about the Chinese scholarship, keep up appearances -- if not for them, for me." She gave him a pleading look, "Once my parents see you're a decent guy, they won't bother us anymore. I promise."

Angel or not, it still sounded ritualistically devilish. Grumbling still crossed from his side of the car to hers like static in the middle of a gooey telephone call. "I just can't wait to see the full pack of hermits," he said under a tarried breath.

Janette waved his worries through the window. "The rest of the family's great!" she insisted, as if she believed it.

Wind, Theo noted, had a knack for blowing things back into other things. Like worries and cars.

Some minutes later, they pulled up to the front of a brick plastered two-story home, and clambered over to the front door. Theo nearly tripping over a crooked cobblestone.

"Wow, looks like it's a full house already." While she idled by the door, Theo couldn't help but appreciate the handiwork that constituted his woman's fair, looked-after body. A hint of firm leg shone under her knee-length, free flowing skirt, and her black blouse was as perfect as the fur on a teddy bear, accentuating her perky C-cup breasts without flaunting them and espousing casual and fancy without being too much of either.

He placed his hand around her shoulder, tastefully. A lucky man, he was. And he wanted her to feel like a lucky woman, too.

After a succinct knock, Janette scanned the collection of cars surrounding the home, then looked back at Theo adamantly. "Just remember, Theo. They aren't all that bad. They just want to make sure you're not mistreating me or weird. They have a history with this kinda thing, so they're really just trying to be good parents. You know?"

Theo nearly sighed. But ah, for the star-crossed love of city boys never was that simple, was it?

In his mind, he though, oh he knew. He knew that, as a healthily driven man, he wanted to have sex with his equally healthy, and much hotter romantic partner at some point, that he loved her dancer-cultivated body, that they were a good fit, all things considered. And he also knew that, as a healthily driven man, he wasn't some sexual offender or pimply-faced 13-year-old jerking off to his neighbor's window slit and banging her in a stale wet dream each night, and neither was Janette an unhinged girl addled with over-prescribed antidepressants; if her folks would treat them with some acknowledgement of their rights as adults...

He bit his tongue.

How far did you have to go, really? Everyone settled down and regretted everything, eventually. Micromanagement was almost never as productive as people thought it was.

His brain stopped. The way she was making a sizable deal out of this, though, was curious. He looked at the redhaired, patiently waiting young woman, her profile view even more flattering, as he opened his mouth to ask her if she had already told her parents about their long-term plans when the door pulled open and steered him back onto the road.

flashI

He winced, belatedly blocking the light with a hand. What--

"Heh-hey, look who it is!"

At first it felt like the world was spinning. Or maybe the sky. Or both. Then, Theo blinked away the temporal cataracts from his eyes and noticed the camera, and the hand it was in. A hand currently wrapped around Janette in an amicable hug.

It was just a camera.

"Uncle Quentin!" laughed the red-haired 20-year-old, hugging happily back. "You made it!"

"To see my two favorite, beautiful, talented young nieces and what they've been up to? You think I couldn't bribe the boss?" When he finally withdrew himself from the embrace, he noticed Theodore for the first time. "Oh, and who's this?"

"This is Theo," Janette smiled and gestured towards the smiling figure next to her. "My boyfriend."

"Ah," his reply came, with gingerly cheek, "the man of the month!" Uncle Quentin looked him up and down, nodding finger to chin. Before an introduction could even make it out of his own lips, Theo blinked away the crackle of another flash. "Come on in, come on in!" Letting the camera fall back around his neck, Quentin placed a friendly hand on his shoulder, relaying to Janette, "Your sister should be inside, with the rest."

With a quick thanks they stepped inside. Before going any further, Theo lightly grabbed his jovial girlfriend's arm. "Jan."

"Theo." Emerald eyes blinked up at him. Decent muscle could be felt through the soft layer of her skin.

Laughter could faintly be heard breezing through the entryway of the living room, and Theo continued assuredly.

"What do you think of leaving the introductions to me once we get down there?" Jan just stared on cluelessly at his finger, pointed towards the next room over. Theo punctuated, "Don't worry. Your parents' impressions of me will be as water tight as the Hoover dam once we're done." He placed one hand on her shoulder. "I'm the best sport in town, aren't I?"

In a widened glimmer, Jan pecked him in the lips, nodding. "Right!" She knew, from previous cues, what this meant; it meant she had his full cooperation, and it was in moments like these that she really did feel like the luckiest woman alive.

The two of them walked into the spacious sitting room. Awaiting them was a feast, both of people, humble appetizers, and homely smiles.

As promised, Theo buckled down and turned his inaugural festivities to 11. Cracking a friendly joke, they laughed along and he made his greetings to the extended family. He shook hands and exchanged hellos with the kind-faced, brown-haired Eleanor, Jan's aunt and the wife of Uncle Quentin from earlier, who worked at a civil services board down south while her husband took up professional nature photography for a private LLC. Then there were the two closest related cousins, Brandon and Cheryl, with the former coming spouse in tow, a blonde saleswoman by the name of Lisa. Brandon was a trim looking man in a sweater who had a job at a prominent television company while Cheryl was fresh out of medical school and a certified RN at her local hospital, and apparently in a complicated relationship she dismissed discussion of with an obviously pained thing she called a laugh. At the moment she had on a white buttoned-up flannel and casual blue trousers, and looked cozily suitable in them.

Other family friends were there, old and young alike, and more were still coming, or assembled in the back-yard or something or other. It was, after all, a bona fide house party. Jimmy, Ana, Vincent, and so on. Once he made it to Mr. and Mrs. Banning, he cracked a casual joke about the bumpy ride there and shook their hands with the utmost gentlemanly charm he could muster. They looked at each other with an unreadable tinge. Then finally, they broke into a small laugh and actually, wholeheartedly took his hand. Swiveling his head to Janette, he looked at her as if to say, 'Did you see that?' and she nodded, one thumb up. They smiled, only to catch themselves before the cheese set in.

A minute or two later, Theo looked around, wondering if he'd gotten them all. He gulped a little. They were all quite the attractive bloodline, and Janette was right; they seemed like decent, well-adjusted folk, in spite of their apocalyptic relations. Dare he say it, even her aging mother had an allure he hadn't noticed until now... the congenial aura surrounding her this time bearing no small contribution.

Lisa, the related-by-marriage broad had killer legs under that tight hip hugging skirt, no doubt. And then Cheryl, whose 1st-cousin link to Janette was probably not immediately obvious -- but if not in form, then certainly in sprout wiles, her lush chestnut hair topping her slim, near hourglass figure well and with a crisp, assertive face that was fit for a nurse of calming disposition, universal presentation.

But this was no time to think with any organ but his brain. With experienced restraint, he buried the images of pretty girls, as close and real and palpably in front of him as they currently were, under grey manila folders and dunes of sobering pep talks and left them there.

That said, aside from the standouts of the bunch, Theo had already lost his place. Each name per face and each background per person overloaded his memory banks fast. He shook his head, just hoping they wouldn't open up a family trivia game out of thin air. In his perusal, however, he did notice a missing variable.

"By the way, " he spoke up, "where's the lady of the hour?"

"Oh, yeah. Isn't my sister here yet?" Janette scanned the room for her.

"She had to take a call," clarified Brandon on the couch, arm draped over a snuggled up Lisa. "But she'll be back."

"You and your phone calls," Lisa nudged, "it looks like it's rubbing off on her."

He playfully popped her back. "Oh, shut up. When business calls, I answer. She gets it."

"And there she is now." Quentin brought up his camera, and looked through the viewfinder. "Say cheeese, princess!"

As if on cue, or just well-timed, a flutter of steps bounded from the hall, and heads turned in its direction.

Theo included.

Were he in a slow-motion frame, you would have seen in a myriad of moments him lifting his head to look, catching his breath in his throat, raising a brow and then the other one and then trying to anchor them back down before anyone (like Janette) noticed and said anything (like Janette's parents), and then gulping down the glass of water he had just been offered off a tray and quickly adjusting the position of his leg.

Because, as it so mightily turned out, this wasn't just any woman, picked up off the block and dusted into presentable form and given a blow.

No, this girl was a throat-dryer, the prettiest in the room -- even outdoing his dazzling partner and potential to-be hoo-hah next to him. She looked stunning in a simple denim jacket with rolled up sleeves over a tight black top and a skirt that flowed to the floor, with slits that reached the top of her shins. Modest, sure, but nevertheless tantalizaing in the form that constituted as her pristinely shaped and faced whole.

"Angelica!" laughed the crowd.

And Janette's dropdead gorgeous, curve-perfected sister.

"Hey guys," she greeted, flipping back a strand of her own chestnut hair, "sorry about that, just had to make sure I didn't leave any of those papers or else the committee would have -- hey, sis!" Cutting her sentence short, she demurely ran up to Janette, swallowing her in a warm hug once she noticed the latest visitor. He watched, the both of them. As they did that, to the both of each other.

Theo cleared his throat nervously, and the center of the room turned to look at him.

"Why hello there," she greeted. Siding an inquisitive look towards Janette, she pointed, "This must be..."

"Janette's friend, yes," completed Mr. Banning for her. His side was nudged by his wife, and his dramatized expression loosened. "Boyfriend." To Theo's relief, they looked mostly playful, whatever imposing air no doubt remained reserved in their lungs. Even as he was pulled into a suitably quick cheek to cheek with the alluring broad and barely felt the tips of her breasts graze against him.

"Soo nice to finally meet you!" She said as one warm cheek made contact with his. He returned it warmly.

"Hey, it's nice to see Jan's better half!" Theo joked, getting a jab from Jan. They all laughed.

"She's been in that aquarium for so long," Cheryl remarked, "I'm surprised she didn't come back a fish."

"Oh, shut up!" Another row of laughs as the two women traded glossed up glances when Mrs. Banning suddenly spoke up.

"That's right," she snapped a finger, "I have some marvelous pots de creme and croissants in the kitchen." Looking to Janette, she continued, "Would you give me a hand with it, dear?"

"Sure, Mom." Janette began following her to the kitchen. Her lovely sister, however, stopped the both of them, the ever kind angel she was.

"Don't worry mother," she reassured, joining her sister, "I'll bring it out."

"I'll help you ladies!" Theo scuttled off with them before the others could say anything. And what made a better first impression than extending serving courtesies?

"How honorable," Angelica smiled with seemingly multi-layered irony as she and Janette proceeded in front of him, and his eyes fell downward. He gulped. Eventually his gaze slid back upward to see Janette eyeing him, while he tried to give her a reassuring nod. She didn't seem to be having it.

Slipping behind to his side, she whispered, "Don't start having distractions, Theo."

"I won't, honey, I won't. Trust me."

"I know you won't, but..." She frowned a little as she looked her man in the eye. Then finally he saw the look in her eye, indicating she was serious about it. "I saw you checking out her rear, Theo!"

Theo brought her in close, shaking her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Jan." It looked like a bit of sister rivalry did exist between the two. Factor that in with the tension of his and her relations' future hinging on whether Mr. and Mrs. Banning had any qualms about his 'intentions'... it made sense she would be slightly on edge. "I won't make any more issues. It was just a small slip-up on my part. Trust?"

He held up a pinky finger. Janette hesitated, but then took it into hers as well. She looked back up at Theo, and smiled. They seemed back on the same page, and her eyes appeared to bespeak an apology for jumping at him so quickly. "Trust." Their pinkies wiggled and locked.

That, however unbeknownst to them, was incidentally the moment that something of some kind, of some unforeseen precedent, swept through the world, slanted in the way of the perverse alone, amidst high and low class, civilized and savage alike, man, woman, and all assortments, and with a single blink's span of time.

"Just," Jan breathed, looking at the floor as they walked through the end of the hall and into the threshold of the spacious kitchen, (as everything in this house relatively was), "in that case, could you do me a favor?"

"Sure," Theo gamed, "what?"

Continuing in that pure, even voice of hers, his still effervescent girlfriend, as flattering in profile as always, looked at him again and he knew he couldn't deny whatever she'd say next. "Would you..."

flash!

A burst of white seemed to crackle over the immediate surroundings. Theo reeled sideways a bit. Pressing a temple with a finger, he winced, and regained his balance. What the..?

"Haha," came a voice from the sitting room. Sounded like Jimmy, or Patrick, if he recalled right. "You guys don't want to know how dorky you look right now."

"Quit slumping on the couch and join us then. Or is it the pride?" At the joke from what sounded like Brandon, there came another chorus of playful ribbing, along with Jimmy's defensive self-justification.

Theo shook his head, also catching Uncle Quentin's voice coordinating them into various positions. For photography, it appeared.

Slightly dazed, Theo set foot back on Earth. Oh, he thought to himself. It was... just... the camera...

Reasoning hit him shortly after, however, as he wondered how exactly the flash was able to reach him from back there.

"Theo, you heard me? Hey..."

A hand was rubbing his back and Theo turned to see Janette looking back up at him. She had been saying something, and he wasn't paying attention.

"Sorry, what was that?" he asked her.

Realizing his focus had been somewhere else, Janette only rolled her eyes, but didn't seem to mind. Instead, she actually looked a little more relaxed as they walked up to the center table of the kitchen, a splatter of trays gathered on the top of it and the counters, while Angelica opened the stove to check inside it. "As I was saying," she curled a lip. "Do you think you could give my sister's butt a slap?" Continuing casually, she explained, "I think it would really help to show off your honorable attributes, you know."

Theo laughed lightly at her, but nodded all the same. "Like I said," he held up a pinky, on encore. "I'm the best sport in town."

Meanwhile, Angelica was bent slightly forward, as she perused the insides of the stove. "Hmm," she rubbed her chin, her voice creating a slight reverberation from the enclosure, "it doesn't look like they made any funnel cake this time, darn..."

"Is that so?" came a voice from behind her. Just as Angelica was about to reply, however, she felt a sharp slap against her bottom -- so sharp it stung, and nearly pushed her in.

"Ow -- hey!" She brought herself back upright, lightly hitting her head against the stove opening in the process. "Theo!" When she saw the man looking back at her, her sister's one and only boyfriend, a stir paddle in his hand, she smiled. "Gosh, I never thought you were such a gentleman!" She rubbed her ass, brow curving in a bout of mirth. "Wow, that hurt!"

Theo just laughed along while Janette looked on happily from the corner, checking on a tray of decorous pudding.

"Believe me," he winked, "there's plenty more where that came from."

"Oh really?" Angelica raised a brow at him, smiling, like a practitioner for a test. It could've just been the lights, but she even looked a little coquettish.

Electing to let his actions speak for himself, he stepped forward and brought the paddle's edge to face the ceiling. Then, with a mischievous glimmer, he swung it upward against her crotch, through her skirt, then began rubbing it in and out of her thighs, while licking his lips. "Mm, let's get that hot cunt of yours nice and wet, baby. Need to get that natural lube in place for me once I get my lion rammed in there!"

Angelica laughed, placing her hand over her chest. "Aw, that is just... such a sweet thing of you to say, Theo! Really," she squirmed slightly, her legs moving rhythmically against the paddle's ministrations as she continued, "I appreciate the fact that you're willing to think of me in such perverted ways right off the bat instead of just asking about my trip or what my MaBio program consisted of or whatever, like some guys would jump straight to, even though they are obviously attracted to me." She sighed wistfully. "Which, don't get me wrong, I don't have much issue with. I'm not like my mom and dad, always slamming that gavel. It's just sometimes you need a good, reliable pervert in your life, you know? Honesty and all that -- and I'm sure my sis loves a man of good character such as yourself."

"Oh, don't worry," Theo put her concerns to rest, "Time with your sis has taught me proper etiquette 'round a woman, for sure. And if you're one thing, it's a smoking hot, tight bodied bitch of a woman, Angelica. Man I would love it if you came over and stripped naked for me some day."

"Oh, you are so right about that first part. Not sure about that second one though, mister!" Angelica laughed again, placing a hand over her mouth. Pivoting towards the table, ensuring the paddle's motions were not interrupted, she slipped her hands under a tray. "Come on, let's bring some of these out."

"Sure," Theo finally whipped the paddle away from Angelica's crotch, placing it back on the counter. "Just make sure to walk next to me in the right angle so I could get a good look at your tits, alright pumpkin?"

A cry butted through. "Hey," jokingly arraigned the familiar voice of his girlfriend, "how about mine, Theo?"

Theo looked back to Jan, eyes latched onto his girlfriend's own firm pair of mounds. "Sorry Jan, don't know if I would be able to concentrate on two feasts of the eyes at once without tripping over my hard-on.... how 'bout I make it up to you by having you give me a titfuck later?"

The two girls just laughed as Angelica lightly slapped Theo's arm and walked out into the hallway. Theo, after brushing his hand against Angelica's skirt-covered ass, nodded approvingly at the palpable shape and form of his girlfriend's sister's rear end, and took a tray. He gave it a peek, and also made an approving nod. Mm, he thought, croissants...

He felt the urge to take a chunk and try it for himself right there, but stopped himself. It was important to remember where he was; one act out of turn and who knew. Even if he was a decent pervert (though he was certainly cranking it to 11 here), if he had one bout of awkwardness, he could imagine that would be all the fuel to the fire they needed to disparage his name. And thus, his prospects with Janette. The croissants, of course, were just an analogue to the rest of the party to come. Impressions were everything, after all.

"Steady, Theo," he said to himself, as he made sure to keep his eyes glued on Angelica's ass, in case his girlfriend might chide him again. He breathed in then out, then in and out again.

"As steady as they come."