Meanwhile, on the rooftop...

Of course! I’ll be waiting. Take as long as you need =)

It should have been simple. Her finger hovered over the send message button; another half inch and he would receive her response. So why couldn’t she bring herself to do it?

Emiru Fukada sighed as she leaned against the railing of the school’s rooftop, letting out a small shiver as the cold wind blew through her. There was no shelter on the roof, so it was exposed to the worst of the elements year round. Even if one found a place to get comfortable, the cleaners did not come up to this area, so they would still have to deal with the dust and dirt that had accumulated over the years. Since most of the recreational facilities of the school were located at ground level, it was little surprise that few saw any reason to come up here.

Emiru was one of those exceptions. Even if she was exposed to the weather up here, the isolation made it worth it. Ever since she had discovered this place, the rooftop had become her refuge, a place to get away to when she wanted to be alone, or she had to think something through.

Not that she was having success so far this time. As much as she tried, her thoughts kept replaying her interactions with a certain exchange student; their words, their actions, the sensations repeating in her mind’s eye like she was strapped to a chair in front of a projected film.

“Why...Why did I say that to him?” She whispered to herself.

Emiru had known from the beginning that she would likely have needed to sexually attend to Ken once he came to Japan. She had spent countless sleepless nights trying to mentally prepare herself for the day he arrived, her mind racing with ideas of all the weird things that he’d make her do as a foreigner. She had even closed off her emotions when with him at first to try and protect herself. But then when she actually had her first time with him in the bath…

"Let me repay you. Please, let me wash you now."

She never thought he’d be like that. He was supposed to use her for his own relief. She was supposed to nod along and comply. So why did he choose to do that?

It was from that point that those feelings inside of her had sprouted. As she spent more time around him, learnt more about him, experienced his enthusiasm for Japan, the feeling gradually bloomed like Sakura blossoms; at the arcade, at the restaurant, even just as they walked together. But then when she heard the news of his collapse, the blossoms died all at once, falling to the ground and leaving the trees lifeless husks.

From the midst her anguish, Emiru had made a promise to herself to do whatever she was able to satisfy him, to stave off the Yellow Fever, even if it meant bearing his child. She had wondered if he would even accept her; she was nowhere near as pretty or as...developed as other women (she still noticed Ken’s gaze glimpsing at her mother’s breasts every time he walked into the same room as her). And yet, last night...he was there for her. He had been worried about her. He had even kissed her back! And then they...did it. Two of the most important parts of a woman’s purity, she had given to that boy in a single night. She had been prepared to do that; she had promised herself as much. But then what she said next was...

Emiru gripped her hands on the railing tighter as the memory resurfaced. That feeling inside of her was sprouting once again. Would it flower into beautiful petals, or fall lifelessly to the ground?

“I...love you…”

Was she right to say those words to him? No, that’s a stupid question; of course it wasn’t right. Emiru had always felt that love was supposed to be something special, something sacred to be shared between a person and their fated soulmate. If she actually meant what she said, then that meant she would be doing those things for Ken not because she wanted to help with his fever, but because she actually… And then, that would also mean that she was prepared to carry his child also because she...

Emiru placed her hand over her abdomen, remembering the warm sensation that was spread there last night. She didn’t know how long it would be until she learned whether she was pregnant or not. She had told herself that she wouldn’t mind, if it was his baby. Deep down, however, she selfishly wished that he could stay by her side as the baby grew up. If only he could be there to play with her, take her to kindergarten, have her cuddle with him as they all slept in the same bed...

Eyes widening, Emiru finally noticed the burning sensation that had slowly been growing in her cheeks.

“N-no! I can’t be about him like that; I haven’t known him long enough,” She quickly chastised herself. “It’s too risky. I’ve been reading too much Shojo manga!”

“Who are you talking about?” A foreign voice cut in, causing Emiru to jump a little. Turning around, she was greeted with the sight of a copper-haired girl; it seemed that Ami had come and joined her on the roof at some point.

“Ami-chan? Why are you…?”

“I couldn’t find you at lunch, so I was worried,” her friend explained, coming in closer. “I thought you were going through something...and you always come here when you want to be alone.”

Emiru felt slightly miffed. Today wasn’t the first time she had come here to eat lunch alone, and she didn’t always do it because something was troubling her. Then again, perhaps her friend was able to sense that she was bothered by something, so she nevertheless decided not to shoo her away.

“So as I was saying, who are you muttering about?” Ami nudged her, trying to get out more information. “Please don’t say you’re dreaming about that guy from before.”

“What’s wrong? Do you have a problem with him?” Emiru peered at Ami questioningly.

“Well, no, it’s just that I’ve never seen you act like that when you were with him,” Ami pointed out. “And that worries me. Look! You’ve had this dreamy look on your face since I mentioned him.”

“Really? I have?” Emiru put her hands over her face in embarrassment.

“You better not be thinking about him in that way.” Ami’s voice turned serious. “I mean, I know he’s got that cool foreigner thing about him, but remember that we’re just supposed to relieve him of that fever of his; he probably only thinks of you as someone to do that.”

“No, he’s not like that!” Emiru replied quickly. “Ken’s actually very sweet, and he was very gentle with me when we-”

Emiru's voice caught in her throat as she realised what she was about to say. She turned away from Ami, who already seemed to be interrogating her with her gaze. An uncomfortable silence settled over them, broken up only by the sounds of the breeze and students playing outside.

“He...made you do it.” Ami concluded. However, Emiru shook her head.

“He didn’t make me do anything. I was the one who asked him. Something happened to him. Something terrible. And it was my fault, the result of a choice I made,” Emiru said quietly, her voice shaking. Besides herself, the horror she felt from being informed of Ken’s hospitalisation was still raw in her mind, and it took great mental effort to not shut down in memory of it. “So I...I wanted to make it up to him somehow. Not for his fever, but for him.”

“You mean...you gave yourself to him?” Ami was shocked. Emiru simply nodded in response. “But...why? Even with that disease, we don’t owe him our bodies, so why would you-”

Ami froze as the realisation hit her. Emiru could only look on guiltily as her friend came to the conclusion that she herself wanted to avoid admitting.

“Oh no...you do like him, don’t you?” Ami gasped in disbelief. Her eyes only widened in horror as Emiru bit her lip, failing to rebut her conclusion. “Emiru-chan, you shouldn’t! It’s bad enough that he has that disease, but he’s also a foreigner!”

“So what if he is…?” Emiru asked in a small voice.

“It’s just…” Ami grimaced. “Look, I’m not sure how long you’ve known this guy, but just because he looks and speaks Japanese doesn’t mean he is Japanese. I mean, he doesn’t know our culture, or our traditions...he doesn’t understand us the way a native would.”

Emiru was stunned by what her friend said. It took several moments before she could think of a response. But somehow, hearing Ami talk about Ken in such a manner helped solidify her resolution. The feeling took root within her, helping her stand straight. When she spoke, she looked her friend dead in the eye.

“Even if that’s true…” She spoke, trying her best to sound strong. “That doesn’t mean I can’t be by his side.”

“And what if he doesn’t like you back?” Ami retorted. “What if he forces you to do something gross? What if he chooses another girl, or other girls, and not you?”

“If that’s the case, then that’s his choice and it can’t be helped,” Emiru stated simply. “All I can do is just support him in whatever way I can. If he decides that he doesn’t want me, then...I will respect that.”

The truth, of course, was far more complicated. As much as she wanted to believe her words, there was a small part of Emiru that feared that exact scenario come to pass. She knew from that pamphlet that Ken was into harems...but that didn’t automatically mean she would be a part of it. He was happy to be with her last night, that wasn’t the same as liking her, was it? And even if he did make her part of his harem, he might still end up forgetting about her. Not to mention, what right did she even have to feel this way about him when he was suffering from such a debilitating disease? If he made a harem, would it even be right of her to confess that feeling to him?

But all these problems paled in comparison to the biggest issue; pledging herself to help Ken would mean nothing if she wasn't able to fulfill his needs in the first place. He needed someone special for him. Someone responsible, intelligent, experienced, and beautiful. After what happened last night, Emiru knew she lacked all these qualities; even if Ken wanted her, she could never be the one who could satisfy him the way he needs.

These doubts fought for dominance against the promise she made to herself. Her fears of what may come to past clashed against the anguish of what she had already witnessed. Was her resolve so weak that she’d give in the moment they were met with slight resistance?

What should I do...? Should I...should I tell him about this...?

Ami let out a large sigh, bringing Emiru’s thoughts back to reality.

“Look, it’s not like I’m going to stop you from helping him, but...I just don’t want your feelings to get hurt by him,” She explained as she leaned her back against the railing next to her friend. “You better not like him just because you felt good after doing it.”

“N-No, that’s not what happened...” Emiru tried to explain.

“Then, what did happen?” Ami suddenly sounded curious. “Did it feel good? Did...did it hurt?”

“Um, well…” Emiru shifted awkwardly. The change in subject was a bit sudden, but she was glad to be able to talk about something less gloomy. “It hurt a bit at first, but not when he put it in because I sucked on it. And then after that, it felt good.”

“Emiru-chan, that’s too vague!” Her friend’s face was suddenly plastered with an impish grin. “Come on, give me more details!”

“W-What?! No, it’s too embarrassing! I-I was just doing things in the heat of the moment, so I don’t even remember it too well.”

And just like that, the tension between the two evaporated as if it were never present to begin with. Ami kept pestering her friend for a more descriptive insight into her first time, even as her probing was consistently met with Emiru trying to dodge the question or giving out non-descriptive answers.

The banter continued between the two until the lunch bell rang, signifying the start of classes again. Somewhat begrudging, Ami bid farewell to Emiru as they reentered the school building, but her cheery smile melted into a frown as she watched her friend's own expression give way to a look of doubt once she thought Ami was no longer looking. It seemed that Emiru was still haunted by whatever issue that was plaguing her, which was all but certain to concern that exchange student.

“She probably doesn’t know it herself, but Emiru-chan’s really head over heels for that Aizawa guy,” Ami muttered to herself. “She even calls him by his first name! I don’t care what she says, I don’t trust him. I better keep a close eye on him from now on…”