Mea Culpa

"Do you still love me Trevor? or is Penny more appropriate?"

You wince as she used the Femme name you had gone by on those online forums, she had obviously dug deep into your secret.

"Of course I do. This doesn't have anything to do with whether I love you, it's just an impossible fantasy. Porn material for blowing off steam, nothing more. Please, we can throw all that stuff away, you're more important to me than it is."

Her face took on a pained expression. She didn't believe you. And even in your own head you knew she was right to doubt you. Even if you threw it all away you couldn't shake this interest, it'd been with you since your teens. You'd tried and failed to purge it many times. You'd just be better at hiding it. It was easy to hide things when you were worth billions of dollars. She knew you so well.

"No, we can't go back to before I knew how you really felt. I'm sorry. I just can't look at you the same way anymore. But I do still love you..."

She was alluding to some other option but you couldn't fathom what it was.

"Honey, please just tell me what I need to do. We can work through this."

She took a deep breath. This was evidently the part she had rehearsed most and it all came out in a nearly mechanical cadence.

"I want to sleep around. We both spent most of our twenties building this company. Other women partied and had fun. When I thought you could be the man in my life I was willing to make that sacrifice, but now... Now that I know you're not... I want what I missed out on."

She paused as she gauged your reaction, you were dejected, your masculinity demanded a rebuttal but it was a meager part of you. She continued.

"We both know you have some shortcomings in the sex department, not just your meager endowment"

You winced again but there was no denying you were well below average, it's just she'd never said it so bluntly before.

"but how you never really even seemed to have your heart in it. I might have been able to live with getting myself off but I won't live a lie that is making neither of us happy."

Her eyes softened, she had let the venom out, said the painful thing and now it was all out in the open.

"What are you proposing?"