Maybe Just Once

Lil'esh led Aliara through winding corridors to the periphery of the warren. Even now, after having lived here for months, Aliara occasionally found herself lost. She had an excellent sense of direction, especially underground, but there was something unnerving about the mirror-smooth walls. These caves were clearly unnatural, but there were no tool marks or artificial stonework like in dwarven delves or drow mines. The only thing that kept the tunnels from being completely featureless were the occasional speliotherms or rock formations that the driders had preserved: clusters of delicate helictites, curtains of flowstone, needle-like frostwork or humps of glossy moonmilk. Seeing these little formations touched Aliara in a way she couldn’t quite define. They reminded her of art hung on a human's wall, or perhaps sculptures in a garden. The driders had worked around them with the utmost care, but they never paused to admire the beauty of their home. Perhaps they had just preserved these formations on instinct, knowing that there was something special about them that had to be protected but unable to articulate what it was.

Such things sat uneasily on Aliara's mind. They hinted at an inner life among the driders that she had so far found lacking. The Matron was obviously intelligent, but it was a cool, chilly sort of intelligence. Aliara knew well enough that erudite sophistication meant nothing by itself; some of the worst monsters she'd ever known were well-read and polite. El'keth was a lot nicer, and there was that weird Jy'ven...

Aliara stared at the back of Lil'esh's head as she walked. She had a pretty good idea of what was going on there, but she had no idea how to bring it up with the drow woman, nor even what she'd say if she did. And it wasn't her business anyways.

She was aware that her thoughts were meandering. It was self-defense, she supposed. She really wasn't looking forward to this. She'd seen the drow refugees, and while to Teysa one drow looked pretty much like another, Aliara could tell the subtle differences: the way they carried themselves, their tone and cadence. These were nobles and priestesses, the cream of drow society.

Maybe the cream. Other things rose to the top, too.

Aliara would never love the drow, but just now, it was hard not to feel a bit sorry for them. They had all clearly suffered terribly, not just Mish'li. More importantly, they had two legs. Right now, Aliara needed all the humanoid solidarity she could get. The drow were bad, but at least they were a known quantity. The driders… whatever pact Teysa had made with them was apparently still in effect, but it was hard to feel protected by such an ephemeral shield.

The "granary" was a bit misnamed, since the sunless bedrock of the warren couldn't grow grain. Instead the driders harvested lichen and fungus, drying it in strips and storing it in a cool, dry cave. They mostly ate meat—the fresher the better—but the fungus supplemented their diet and kept them going when times were lean. Near the granary were a series of connected caves, like beads on a string. From what Aliara had heard, the driders had experimented a few years back with a "fungus farm," setting aside some space for it to grow and visiting the crops to keep them pest-free and clean. The project had fallen apart, not because the fungus didn't grow, but because the driders couldn't be bothered to keep up with it. They were carnivores, not farmers, and they rarely had two-legged servants to help them out.

Aliara wasn't sure if Lil'esh had chosen this spot for her people deliberately, or if it had just been convenient, but it was a shrewd choice either way. The caves had fresh water and plenty of flat space. They were fairly warm, a necessity this far underground. Parts of the warren were heated via geothermal pools or cunningly wrought fissures that channeled the volcanic heat far below, but others were kept frigid (the driders barely seemed to notice extremes of temperature). Most importantly, these caves were far from the center of the warren and not trafficked frequently. Even so, as they approached, Aliara and Lil'esh saw a couple of driders lounging around outside the threshold. Aliara struggled to remember their names: even after all this time, she had a hard time telling some of the driders apart.

Lil'esh didn't even break stride. "Yi'resh!" she said. "And Ku'lyn. How are you doing?" Her voice was full of ****, brittle cheerfulness, and Aliara had to take a couple running steps to catch up with her stride as she picked up the pace.

The smaller of the two driders gave Lil'esh what seemed like a quizzical look. The other one crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. Aliara didn't recognize her, exactly, but she knew her type: one of the Matron's guards, a "soldier.” Her face was as blankly beautiful as her sisters, but her arms were corded with muscle. She wore a chain shirt and a skirt of plates where the other drider wore nothing at all. She had not brought her spear with her, but Aliara knew that was hardly meaningful. A drider was strong enough to tear her in half with her bare hands if she wanted to. This one wasn't threatening them, but there was something menacing in her casual, almost insolent pose. She stared down at Aliara and Lil'esh, expressionless.

"What brings you out here?" Lil'esh asked. Yi'resh waved her hands in the air, producing a cluster of sparks that hung there for a moment like lightning bugs before fading.

{we were curious. we heard that the outsiders/cousins/wayward ones had come in ****.} The translation magic was imperfect and buzzed in Aliara’s ears like a gathering headache, but the meaning was clear enough.

"They're here, yes. They've also been through a lot. We'd like to talk to them."

{we shall not interfere. they are the matron's guests.}

"We'd like to talk to them alone." This time Lil'esh put a note of warning into her tone. Yi'resh seemed taken aback. She looked from Lil'esh to Aliara, then nodded.

{of course. we will withdraw.}

She scuttled away. For a moment, it looked like Ku'lyn wouldn't follow her, but then she peeled herself off the wall and strode off. Her pace was languid, almost insultingly slow, but soon enough her ticking footsteps faded away.

"This is what I was worried about," Lil'esh said as the two of them made their way into the first cave. "They've been through enough. They don't need to be made to feel like... like zoo animals."

"I thought you didn't care much for your family?" Aliara asked, laughing a little to try and break the tension. "That boy you were supposed to marry? Can't be that much fun having them show up like this."

Lil'esh wheeled on her, so suddenly that Aliara had to pull up short. "They're my people, Aliara! They might be all that's left of my people! Of course I care about them! I would do anything for them!"

"Ok!" Aliara threw up her hands defensively. "Ok, I'm sorry! I misspoke. Look, I'm with you here." She tried her best disarming smile. "Us two-legged types have to stick together, right?"

"Right." Lil'esh's eyes were narrowed and her mouth set in a grim, implacable line. "Right. Look, this can't be easy for you either—”

"Forget it." Aliara put her hands on her hips. "I'm a professional. I can do difficult."

"Glad to hear it," Lil'esh said. "These people need a leader."

For a moment, Aliara thought she'd misheard. "Leader?" she echoed. "I did just tell you that I don't do speeches, right?"

Lil'esh sighed. "I know. But they'll follow you. You met the Goddess, remember? You're a symbol, whether you want to be or not. I'm sorry for that, but it's true."

"You do it," Aliara replied. Her head was spinning; she could barely hear her own voice. Blood roared in her ears. "I bet you want to be in charge anyways. Don't you? All your life, you've had to do what your older sister tells you, and now she comes to you hat in hand. That must feel good." Finally her brain caught up with her mouth and she shut it with a snap. She colored, but Lil'esh didn't look angry. The drow just looked ashamed.

"This is why they need you, Aliara," she said in a tiny voice. "You see right through people."

"I'm sorry," Aliara began, holding out one hand. "I didn't--"

"No, you're right. Part of me does feel that way. Isn't that awful? And that's what it can't be me. These people need to know that someone here cares about them and will look out for them. I can see it in your face. You may not like them much, but you won't leave them out in the cold. Will you?"

"No." Aliara shook her head. It felt like it weighed as much as the massive temple bell in the drow Basilica. "No, I won't."

Lil’esh smiled and beckoned forward, and Aliara followed her into the cave.

Drow huddled in all the corners of the room, wrapped in dirty grey and brown cloaks that made them seem like part of the floor. They unfolded at the sight of Lil'esh and turned their pleading faces upwards towards her. There were only a dozen or so in here, but Aliara could see movement in the cave beyond, and beyond that, and beyond that...

They approached slowly and formed a semi-circle around Aliara and Lil'esh. They did not have their hands out, nor did they speak. They simply stood and stared. There was something terrible in their expressions, a kind of glazed horror that Aliara had rarely seen before. She tried to remind herself that these were drow nobility, about as nasty a pit of vipers as you'd be able to find anywhere in the Underneath. Try as she would, the mental image she had formed would not line up with the haggard and miserable reality all around her.

More of them drifted into the room from the far caves, filling in behind the ones already there. Aliara lost count at fifty, and there were more coming in all the time. She hadn't realized how many of them there were. They weren't all drow, either. A few humans and dwarves were mixed in among the elvish faces, but they looked as lost and forlorn as their companions.

Lit'vi was front and center. She had one arm wrapped protectively around Je'lyn, who looked like she had been crying. Someone had found Je'lyn a heavy robe, which swaddled her nearly from head to toe. Both of them stared up at their sister: Je'lyn in undisguised hope, Lit'vi with a more clouded expression. Lil'esh looked to Aliara, then gestured towards a flat stone sitting in the middle of the floor. Aliara clambered up onto it and looked around uncertainly. A hush fell over the crowd, leaving an expectant silence hanging in the air.

"Drow!" she began, and stopped. That wasn't a great way to start, especially since a noticeable minority of the people crowded in around her weren't drow at all. She corrected herself.

"People! Some of you may know who I am..."

A rising tide of whispers shut her up. They rolled over each other, overlapping and drowning out any content. All she could make out were snippets:

"Goddess-"

"Chosen-"

"-she followed-"

"Teysa-"

The faces turned up towards her no longer looked lost. Some of them looked almost worshipful. Fingertips stretched towards her, like pilgrims seeking a benediction. All of a sudden, Aliara felt terribly dizzy. The pedestal she stood on was no more than a foot high, but it felt like she was teetering on the lip of some terrible abyss. Sweat beaded her forehead. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. Come on, Li. What would Teysa do?

The Teysa she imagined was pink-skinned and dark-haired. The thought was strangely calming. Aliara hadn't seen this Teysa much lately, even in her dreams. The Teysa of her mind's eye was too often grey-skinned, black-eyed, needle fangs just visible behind her glossy black lips.

The Teysa she imagined now had deep brown eyes and hair the color of coal. Her cheeks were ruddy with exertion. She wore her armor, and she was standing on a tree stump somewhere in the sunlit world. Her arms were raised and she was speaking forcefully to a group of people Aliara couldn't see. The image was silent, but Aliara could see the conviction in Teysa's stance. Whatever the words were, Teysa believed them whole-heartedly, and she wanted her audience to share that belief.

The image didn't last long, but it lingered in Aliara's brain, nestled in the folds of her memory. Thanks, Tey, she thought. I'll do my best. I promise.

She opened her eyes. The drow were still staring at her, but the whispering had stopped. In its place was an expectant silence. Aliara took a deep breath.

"Welcome, people of the City. I want you to know that, first and foremost: you are welcome here. You are safe here. You must have a thousand questions, and I promise you they will be answered, but you are also tired and hungry and hurt. Tend to your needs first. You can stay in these caves, but as you can see, they are not comfortable. We will help you as best we can, but much of the work has to be on you: the home you find here will depend on how hard you are willing to work. I was a lot less comfortable than you are now when I first arrived."

Their uncomprehending gazes told her that the drow hadn't heard that part of the story. Maybe that was for the best.

"Teysa told me that you and the driders are supposed to be one people. I know that hasn't been the case in the past, but sometimes circumstances **** our hand. Maybe that's what this is. Maybe it's fate. Maybe it's bad luck, I don't know. I've lived a while and I've seen a lot more bad luck than I have fate. In any case, luck or fate or just random chance, we're in the position we're in, and we have to make the best of it.

There's food here, but it won't last forever. There's a home here, but it's not the one you left. Neither of those things matters, though, because this is temporary. I want you all to understand that. Your home is out there, and you're going to take it back. We're going to take it back."

She had grown more animated as she spoke, and punctuated this last sentence with a fist thrust up into the air. A commotion stirred the gathered drow. A few of them raised their own fists, or briefly applauded. Aliara felt as though she'd suddenly run out of road. All the inspiration she'd felt had drained away.

A drow woman elbowed her way through the crowd. She was short and slender as a whip, with high cheekbones and a narrow blade of a nose. Her head was completely bald and bright silver hoop earrings dangled from both ears. She lifted a finger and leveled it at Aliara.

"That's easy for you to say!" she snapped. Her voice was thin and shrill. "You've been working with these monsters for months. Laying with them too, no doubt. We're all thinking it!" she said, to counter the rising hubbub around her. "Before you tell us what we're going to do a month from now, how about you tell us how you're going to keep us safe tonight? And tomorrow?"

Aliara rocked back on her heels. The woman's tirade had hit her like a slap in the face. She opened her mouth to reassure her, and closed it again. What kind of promise could she make? This woman was right. Perhaps not about the details, but she had echoed Aliara's unspoken fears. How long would the Matron ignore a fresh supply of fertile breeders under her nose? Teysa will stop her, was her first thought, but it was followed closely by a nasty second one:

Will she?

Lil'esh spared her. She stepped forward and spoke up for the first time. "Tia'rey, I understand your fear," she said. The thin drow bristled, but Lil'esh kept speaking in a calm and level tone. "They are not the demons you think they are. I myself have been here for months, and as you can see, I'm still healthy. They're strange, yes, a little backwards, but they won't eat you. Any of you. If they wanted you dead, they wouldn't have welcomed you in."

"Trying to ensnare us in their web, no doubt," grumbled Tia'rey, but she had lost some of her conviction. The other drow, at least, didn't seem to be hanging on to her every word anymore. She glared at Aliara and wagged her finger like a schoolteacher. "I'll be on the lookout!" she grumbled, and slunk back into the crowd.

"Lil'esh is right," Aliara said, grateful that she didn't have to be any more precise than that. "You're safe here." As long as you don't stay too long. "But you must be tired, and I know some of you are hurt. We have treatments here. Who needs help?"

A dozen voices raised in a clamor, but Lit'vi pushed to the front of them. She was supporting Je'lyn around the shoulders. The younger woman looked exhausted. Aliara's gaze flickered automatically to her belly, but wrapped in the thick cloak, it was impossible to make out any details.

"You can't expect Je'lyn to sleep on the stone floors here," Lit'vi said. "Look at her! She needs a real bed. And care, too. Her time is close. No more than a week or two. She needs a physician, a doula, a cadre of priestesses..."

"We don't have those things, but I think we can find a room for her," Aliara said. "She can--"

"She can have my room," Lil'esh said. "It's not much, but I have a hammock. That should be better for her back. And there's a hot spring. What happened to the doctor of physick?"

Lit'vi shook her head. "He didn't make it."

"You don't have to talk about me like I'm not here, you know," Je'lyn said. Exhaustion was etched on every syllable, and Aliara could hear the steely will driving the words. That steel was obviously the only thing keeping her on her feet. "I'm pregnant, not comatose."

"I'm sorry, Lyn," Lit'vi began. "I didn't want you to-"

"I know, I know," Je'lyn said. "Don't want me to exert myself and shatter like one of Mother's glass figurines." She looked down and encircled her belly with both hands, then abruptly snapped her head up and stared at Aliara. Her eyes were piercing, deep cobalt blue so dark it was almost black.

"Aliara, will these driders hurt my baby?"

She asked the question matter-of-factly, with no pleading or wheedling. She doesn't want to be reassured, Aliara thought. She wants the truth.

"I don't think so," Aliara said. "That's the honest truth. I've never heard of them doing that, or seen it, and I can't imagine why they would. But if they try, Teysa will-- I'll stop them. I can promise you that."

Je'lyn stared at her for a moment longer, then nodded once: a short, curt bob of her head. "Good enough," she said. She turned to her sisters. "Take me to your room, please, Lil," she said. "I need to rest."

Lil'esh bowed in her direction. "Very well," she said. "And Aliara, what are you going to be doing?"