Max, The Magnificent

The smoky man solidified slightly, grinning widely and spreading his arms open wide. "I'm Max, the most magnificent and most marvelous aljani from the North Pole to the South. Speaking of which, are we anywhere near ice? Not a fan. Two cycles ago I got meself stuck in Antartica, and I may look like smoke, but I assure you, I am real, and capable of being frozen like a kebab in a fridge. I really hope I'm not in Rome either - that funny guy with the helmet tried to stab me. And don't even get me started on Liberland-"

"DUDE. WHAT THE FUCK." I was very unprepared for the verbal **** he just unleashed, of which I understood about 3% of. I took a deep breath and continued, "Okay, could you please explain who you are and why the flying fuck you're in my jar?"

"Oh! My bad." Max said sheepishly. "Forgot you're a noob. Absolutely no wish-making experience at all. Well, here's the explanation - I'm an powerful cosmic entity with magical powers that is tied to the owner of the jar (a.k.a you because you picked it up) and I have to grant you wishes until the next cycle!"

"Huh?"

Max sighed. "Have you watched Aladdin?"

"Okay, but if this is like Aladdin, isn't there like a bunch of rules you need to explain to me?" I was still trying to wrap the fact around my head that a LITERAL GENIE was in my room, so I decided to ask a few questions to clarify the details.

"Well, Aladdin isn't entirely accurate. The love thing? Pshaw. Love is just manipulating some hormones and electrical signals in your brains. Piece of cake. The dying thing? Cosmic power. I could summon you an army of skeletons. I could create a zombie apocalypse. I could bring back Hitl-"

"Okay maybe don't do that."

"Fair enough. And the wish limit? It's actually a lot more nuanced than that. In fact, the whole thing is more nuanced. The thing is, you have to wish for an ability. You can't just ask me for a gajillion dollars. You have to ask me to grant you the ability to create money. As you use the ability, based on your wish, you'll be able to upgrade the ability to have side-effects, remove side-effects, or increase effectivity in general.

"So Aladdin pretty much has nothing to do with it."

"Yeah, it's a pretty shitty analogy. You'll also have the ability forever, even if I leave. That's why you shouldn't wish for too many abilities, if not your small human mind won't be able to handle the strain and will probably implode in to little brain particles. Hmm...the physics of an imploding brain. Should probably search that up on Jinnipedia."

"Okay, one more thing. Can you prove it?"

Max grinned and rubbed his hands together. "This is my favourite part."

He snapped his fingers and reality imploded. My room- no, the whole world around me shattered into a kaleidoscopic pattern and I flew through the pieces like I was launched from a slingshot. It was the most incredible sight I'd ever seen. It was like the part in the Doctor Strange movie where The Ancient One sent Dr Strange into the different dimensions to make him believe in magic. Well, it worked for both of us.

I landed on the floor of my room, everything abruptly becoming intact again. Max was still in front of me with a smile plastered on his smoky face. One thing I couldn't deny - that was dope. Another thing - this whole wish-making thing was real. Very real. And I was ready to make my wish.

"I wish to be able to fuck any woman I touch."

Credit to Max, his smile never wavered.

*snap*

"Okay, so the Pervman over here wants some pussy! Honestly, respect. You'd think supernatural ethereal beings couldn't get horny. *whispers* You'd be wrong. By the way, what's your name?"

"Ward. Ward Jackson."

"Excellent first meeting, Ward. Now, we'll have some sort of tutorial regarding your ability."

"Wait, how? Are you going to summon a woman for me to practice on?"

"Ha! No need to do that! I mean, I could if I wanted to." Then Max grinned devilishly and pointed outside my locked door, where the sounds of the shower were echoing. "But I think we have a pretty fine practice specimen right here."