Matt the lighting technician

The first man to attempt to get a handle on this crazy situation is Matt. He's thankfully more careful with his feet than you, and manages to make it over to you without tripping over any wires. He does, you notice, have a huge erection creating a tent inside his joggers. The nation viewing at home will certainly be able to see that too.

Perhaps he hasn't noticed his own massive stiffy, because as he squats down to try and help untangle the wire binding your right ankle to Sarah's left, his cock becomes pressed against your butt crack, effectively hot-dogging you through his pants. You shiver with dismay but don't dare to say anything - anything you did say out loud to try and warn him would get broadcast to the hundreds of thousands of people watching you at home.

"No good - I'm going to have to cut it. Stay very still." Matt warns, after tugging at the cable for a few moments. He retrieves a switchblade from his pocket.

Sarah, for whatever reason, squeals with fear when she sees the naked blade, and tries to roll away from you. Of course, she's attached to you, so this was a really dumb and very dangerous idea, as this just forces you to get yanked along with her. Even worse, Matt's hand that's not holding the blade gets caught in between your leg and Sarah's leg, and he is flipped over as well. He does his best to keep the sharp blade out of harm's way, but the truth is the most likely thing to happen right now is an awful accident where someone gets really hurt.

What's much, much, much less likely is what actually happens. Somehow, three things got sliced, and none of them were people. Sarah's bra strap got nicked, and has fallen apart, ruined. She's now topless. Next, the blade managed to catch the waistband of her pants near the front. This causes the already torn crotch to part completely, and there's now a massive gaping hole exposing pretty much the entirety of her pink thong, and most of her butt cheeks. Finally, the knife found the string keeping Matt's joggers tight at the waistband, releasing the waistband. As you all tumble over each other, his joggers fall down to his thighs, exposing his buttocks. That's right - apparently this idiot was going commando.

One of the TV screens that is used to show you and the production crew what is visible on TV has been dragged nearby so that all three of you can see what's being transmitted across the country in High Definition.

Your position is now much worse than before. Sarah is on her back, legs flailing wildly, thong on complete display. The viewers will even be able to make out the wrinkles of her asshole past the thin pink fabric clinging to it. Above her, your weight now pins her down. Your front is pressed against her front, your breasts and nipples pressed into each other like 'lesbians' in porn created for straight men. Your chins are touching as you both strain your necks to look at the TV screen. Both of your pairs of wrists are bound tightly above your heads, as if you've been taken hostage or something. But it's not rope, it's just an unfortunate situation with a loop of wiring that you can't seem to wriggle free from.

One of Matt's ankles is trapped in between your calf and Sarah's calf, which are still tightly bound with cable. In fact, it's worse now, because this wire is now also keeping Matt's leg intwined as well. He is barely balanced on his other foot, and his precarious position means that he's at risk of falling and 'doing the splits' at any moment, which would probably be painful. Overall this means that his position is one of standing over you both, with joggers in the middle of falling down his legs. His buttocks take up center-stage in the video feed. The fact that the camera can see his scrotum but can't see his penis is actually a tell-tale sign of his erection, since if he was not erect, it would be able to be seen dangling between his legs.

"Please stop moving." Matt begs. He clearly doesn't want to slip and strain his groin.

For now, at least, Sarah stops the flailing. But you can feel her breathing heavily on your chest. She's still panicked.

Matt very, very carefully lowers his free leg until he's on one knee. This has the positive that his body is now pretty much entirely blocking the view of the camera. It also makes his position a lot more stable, which not only mitigates the risk of him doing the splits but also means it's a lot less scary that he's still holding onto that switchblade.

There's got to be a best way of getting out of this situation as modestly as possible. But what is it? And who should make the next move?