Mandatory Fun

Craig sat for another full minute after finishing the last fingernail.

Nothing.

The office remained unnaturally quiet. No cheerful interruptions asking whether he'd mind hemming a blouse. No mysterious baskets of laundry appearing beside his desk. No frantic emails requesting emergency baking assistance for someone's retirement party.

Nothing.

Even the usual background noise had vanished. The endless chorus of ringing phones, keyboards clacking, printers humming, conversations drifting over cubicle walls. All of it had disappeared.

Silence. Not peaceful silence. Wrong silence. The kind that settled over abandoned buildings.

Craig slowly looked up from his immaculate burgundy nails. Empty cubicles stretched in every direction. Monitors still glowed. Coffee mugs still sat beside keyboards. A jacket hung over the back of a chair a few rows away. It looked as though everyone had stood up at exactly the same moment and walked away.

"...Okay."

His voice sounded much louder than it should have. Nobody answered. Craig reached into his purse, pulled out his phone, and checked the date.

Monday. Not Saturday. Not a holiday. Monday.

"So where is everybody?"

The question echoed softly through the office. A cold knot settled somewhere beneath his ribs.

Euphrosyne.

She'd promised the office needed "a little excitement." Whatever counted as a little excitement to an immortal goddess of joy probably ranked somewhere between a company picnic and the fall of Rome.

Craig rose from his chair. His heels clicked softly against the laminate flooring. There wasn't a single task waiting on his desk. No sticky notes. No emails demanding folded towels or polished silverware or reorganized filing cabinets. For once...

Nothing.

An idea immediately presented itself: Leave. Immediately.

If disaster was brewing somewhere in the building, perhaps distance was the correct response. Sure, Daniel might reprimand him for disappearing during work hours. Craig could live with that. Far preferable to discovering what Euphrosyne considered entertaining.

His purse slipped over one shoulder. One final glance confirmed the office still looked abandoned. Then Craig headed toward the hallway.

The cubicle farm remained deserted. Computer screens displayed spreadsheets abandoned mid-calculation. A photocopier sat with its lid open. Someone's lunch waited untouched beside a keyboard. Every step echoed. The silence became heavier.

By the time he reached the stairwell door leading down toward the warehouse, Craig was thoroughly convinced he'd wandered into the beginning of a horror film. His hand reached for the push bar.

"Craig!"

The sudden voice nearly made him jump out of his heels. Turning quickly, he found Daniel Mercer holding open the stairwell door a few metres behind him. The department manager smiled broadly.

"There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you."

Craig blinked.

"...You have?"

"We're all ready," Daniel said, gesturing enthusiastically toward the stairs. "Come on down. Everyone's waiting."

"For... what?" Craig felt lost.

"The team-building exercise."

Craig frowned.

"...The what?"

"Oh, don't pretend you've forgotten," Daniel answered, laughing. "You pitched the whole thing."

A nervous feeling settled into Craig's stomach.

"I... did?"

"Best idea we've had in ages."

Daniel stepped aside, still holding the heavy metal door open.

"We've all been looking forward to it."

Craig hesitated. Beyond the doorway came a smell he'd almost forgotten. Concrete. Dust. Machine oil. Metal shelving. The familiar scent of the warehouse where he'd spent years before Eros had "promoted" him into whatever his current position actually was.

Daniel's smile never faltered.

"After you."

There didn't seem to be any graceful way to refuse. Craig stepped through the doorway. Glossy stilettos struck the metal stairs.

Click.

Click.

Click.

Every step rang through the stairwell like the ticking of an enormous clock counting down to something dreadful. Halfway down, voices drifted upward. Lots of voices. Laughter. Conversation. Applause? Craig rounded the final landing.

Then stopped.

The warehouse floor had transformed into something between a conference hall and a theatre. Rows upon rows of folding chairs stretched across the polished concrete. Every chair was occupied. Warehouse workers. Office staff. Managers. Executives. Board members. Investors Craig vaguely recognized from company newsletters. Even the company owner sat near the front.

Every single face turned toward him. Every single person smiled. Craig felt every muscle in his body tighten.

"Oh..."

Near the foot of the staircase stood Euphrosyne. The goddess practically bounced where she stood. Her blue sundress swayed around her knees as she waved enthusiastically. Fresh citrus drifted through the warehouse despite the smell of concrete.

"Oh good!" she whispered loudly enough that only Craig could hear. "You're here!"

Craig hurried toward her, keeping his smile painfully fixed for the audience.

"What..." he whispered, his voice barely escaping his lips. "...did you do?"

"I thought your workplace could use some bonding."

His eye twitched.

"Euphrosyne..."

"Everyone!" Daniel's booming voice echoed across the warehouse. Conversation immediately ceased. Daniel stood on the staircase landing like a master of ceremonies.

"Thank you all for coming!" Daniel shouted again, even more enthusiastically.

Applause erupted. Craig stared blankly. Why were they applauding?

"As most of you know," Daniel continued, "this is Craig."

Another round of applause.

"Some of us have the privilege of working alongside him every day."

Several coworkers cheered.

"Others know him through his online content."

A surprising number of people nodded enthusiastically.

"I have to admit..." Daniel rubbed the back of his neck with an embarrassed smile. "...I've become something of a fan myself."

Craig closed his eyes.

Of course he had.

"Today's event," Daniel continued, "was entirely Craig's idea."

Craig's eyes snapped open.

"...What?"

"The email you sent us last week," Daniel said with a grin.

"I didn't..."

"We absolutely loved it." Daniel beamed. "A company-wide fashion show!"

Silence. Craig stared. The words refused to arrange themselves into anything sensible.

"...Fashion..."

"Such a creative way to build confidence and celebrate self-expression!"

Applause broke out again. Several employees whistled.

One woman near the front yelled, "You've got this, Craig!"

"I..."

Craig looked helplessly toward Euphrosyne.

"I never..."

"Oh," the goddess whispered happily, "I might have borrowed your email."

"You WHAT?"

"Just a little."

Daniel continued speaking.

"We all followed your instructions perfectly, and have everything waiting for you backstage."

At the far end of the warehouse, several workers finished hanging a heavy curtain across a temporary frame, leaving a narrow opening in the middle. A changing room. Craig felt his blood drain from his face.

"...No."

Daniel pointed toward the curtained area.

"Your dressing room is ready." The manager looked positively delighted. "You said it would improve morale, encourage confidence, celebrate individuality, and strengthen workplace relationships. It was beautifully worded. And I think you're right! Another reason why your promotion was a great idea."

Craig looked desperately toward Euphrosyne. The goddess clasped both hands beneath her chin.

"And what exactly happens in this fashion show?" Craig asked her, forgetting to whisper, being heard by his coworkers.

"It's your event, Craig." Daniel answered. "That's entirely up to you."

Someone shouted, "We can't wait!"

Another voice called, "Show us what you've got!"

Craig made a tiny, horrified sound. Euphrosyne slipped her hand into his. Her touch felt warm. Comforting. Dangerously encouraging.

"Oh, this is going to be wonderful."

"It is absolutely not."

"I've always wanted to attend a mortal fashion show."

"I've never wanted to attend one."

"You aren't attending."

She flashed a dazzling smile.

"You're starring." Craig's knees nearly buckled as Euphrosyne pulled him toward the curtain. "Just wait until everyone sees how fabulous you are."