Love Makes People Do Stupid Things

Andrea Stone had never thought she’d fall in love. Maybe that’s not true. She guessed she’d allow for the possibility, but she had never actively sought out relationships. The idea had never held much appeal to her. She was much to grounded her writing to be interested in love. And who could blame her? The dating scene in high school had been all about popularity, and she’d never been popular. In College it had all been about hooking up and partying. She’d participated enough so that by the time she’d graduated you couldn’t call her a virgin… but you most definitely couldn’t call her experienced either.

She’d chosen to hide those insecurities in the way she normally did… by being a bully. The few friends that she did have (or at least the ones that she hadn’t yet pushed away with her abrasive personality) had stopped coming to her for advice or even brought up their relationships at all to her anymore for fear of her harsh words about how relationships were stupid and a waste of their time. It was a line she’d held onto all through graduation… when she met Bobby…

They’d had an instant connection. She didn’t like cliches such as “love at first sight”. She personally thought those were just bad tropes that lesser writers used in stories. Though here she was now telling all of those acquaintances that she had once told relationship’s were stupid all about hers. And as for the sex… well she was making sure to catch up on lost time.

The biggest change she found was in her writing. The biggest criticism she had always received was that her characters had never felt quite fleshed out enough. They weren’t one dimensional… but there had been something missing… and her relationship with Bobby had shown her what that was. It was one thing to write about love, sex, and desires… it was another to understand those things and to know the true motivations behind them.

Her latest publication had been a huge success (at least by her standards). It was shocking to her how much her life had changed with Bobby in the short 8 months they’d been together. They were planning on moving in together in the coming months… things were going so well that Andrea had even started a secret Pinterest board of wedding ideas. She lied to herself and said it was research for her next book… but the character and her had similar tastes she was finding.

All of it was going so well… that Andrea started to worry about only one thing… losing it all.

*****

The first thing she noticed was that her head was killing her. The second thing was the wave of nausea. She fought that back not wanting to puke first thing in the morning. Hangovers weren’t something she was used to. She’d had them a few times in college, but having partied very rarely she had never gotten used to them.

She opened her eyes to see the rays of light streaming in from behind the curtain of the hotel room. For something called a blackout curtain it was doing a pretty poor job she thought to herself as she **** herself into a seated position. Another wave a nausea hit her. It was becoming harder to fight back.

Three things surprised her instantly. 1. She had slept on the small couch in the hotel room last night. 2. She not only had all of her clothes on still… but they were the same clothes she had gone out in last night. 3. Bobby was nowhere in sight.

She started to scan the room for her purse and phone. She saw them sitting on the desk. Her phone plugged in to charge. So she couldn’t have been that drunk last night that she’d remembered to charge her phone. But what had happened…

Her and Bobby had gotten into town earlier that day and had checked into this very hotel room. It was homecoming at Bobby’s alma mater. They’d come in for a weekend away and to go to the football game and so he could introduce her to all of his old friends.

She remembered the early part of the day perfectly. It was the night after they started drinking that was a blur… that was ok Bobby would fill her in on everything once she found out where he was…

With the hangover even getting up to check her phone was an adventure. She carefully made mental notes to herself of her feelings and struggles. Both because it kept her mind off the nausea but also so she could use this at some point in her writing.

Checking her phone she was surprised to see that it was well past 11am. She was supposed to have been up hours ago to go golfing with Bobby and his Fraternity brothers. Personally she didn’t care about golf… but Bobby enjoyed it and she enjoyed spending time with him so she had planned to sit in the cart all morning and sip coffee.

‘Where R U?’ She texted frantically a bit panicked. She looked around the room. His suitcase was still here that was a good sign. He’d clearly used it that morning to get his golf attire out. Her anxiety was abated by his quick response.

‘I’m out golfing.’ Huh. The short and curt reply was unlike him.

‘I thought I was coming with you?’

‘You made it pretty clear last night you didn’t want too’ Oh fuck, Andrea thought to herself. What did I say last night?

‘I have to get back to the game. I’ll be back at the hotel in an hour.’ Was the next text he sent.

‘Ok. I love you.’ Her response went unanswered.

Nervous about what she had done she set about the process of getting ready for her day. She could no longer fight back the nausea that her hangover was providing, but after succumbing to it felt immensely better. “Better out than in.” Another cliche she thought to herself as she brushed the sour taste out of her mouth.

After that she began to shower. The warm water immediately helped to wash away any of the lingering effects of last nights ****. As she was finishing up washing the last bits of soap suds off of her pale skin she heard the door to the hotel room open. Instantly the anxiety of what she had said to upset Bobby came back to her. Quickly she finished her shower and shut off the water immediately wrapping her warm body up in a towel in a vein attempt to keep her warm against the cool A/C blowing in the hotel room. Normally she’d have wrapped her hair up in a towel to dry as well… but she figured the sex appeal of the long dark locks hanging from her head would help ease her boyfriends anger with her… and if it didn’t she could always lose the first towel.

“Hey babe! How was golfing?” She tried to sound causal as she exited the bathroom to see Bobby standing by the bed with his back to her going through his suitcase. He was a far stretch from classically attractive. He was 5’8”, only an inch or two taller than Andrea was. His short brown hair was currently covered up by a hat he had worn golfing. He wasn’t fat by any means, but he had a noticeable gut that would have probably turned off more shallow girls.

“Fine.” Was his only response as he turned his back to her again.

“What’s wrong?” Andrea asked trying as tenderly as she could to place her hand on his shoulder. Intimate moments like this were still new to her, and try as hard as she could it was still a struggle for her to be genuine and comforting.

“Nothing.” He said as he pulled away. “I need to pee.” And he quickly exited to the bathroom.

“We’ll see if it’s still nothing…” Andrea thought to herself as she dropped her towel to the floor and attempted to pose as seductively as she could. She made sure to position herself so that her slender but well toned body would be the first thing her boyfriend saw when he exited the bathroom. Her sexual confidence had grown ever since she had met Bobby… but even she had to admit this was on the bolder side for her. She’d never pulled the naked woman before.

She inhaled sharply as she heard the toilet flush. Moment of truth.

Bobby stopped abruptly upon seeing her. It his face and eyes lit up immediately. Andrea smiled to herself. She was glad she still had that effect on him.

But almost as quickly as the look had flashed across his face he looked away and said “You’d better get dressed. We have to leave soon.”

“What the fuck Bobby!” Andrea couldn’t help herself blurting out.

“What the fuck Bobby??? What the fuck Andrea! You can’t pull the shit you pulled last night and expect me to just get over it and fuck you less than 12 hours later.” He shot back angrily.

“What do you mean shit I pulled last night? I don’t even remember last night!” She yelled back defensively.

“You fucking humiliated me in front of my friends! My brothers!” And with that the flood gates opened and Bobby launched into a tirade about everything Andrea had drunkenly said last night to a variety of people.

“I can’t… I can’t believe I did that… I’m so sorry Bobby…” Andrea said when he had finished recounting the events of the prior evening. She had since rewrapped herself in her towel, and was sitting on the edge of the bed near tears.

“It’s whatever.” Bobby said taking a seat on the couch. He obviously regretted his outburst, but had clearly been holding it in for a long time.

“No it’s not. I would never do those things and the fact that I did them drunk last night isn’t me! You have to believe that.” Now the tears had started.

“Except it is you. You bully everyone Andrea. You always belittle and humiliate others so that you look better than everyone else.”

She was silent. She knew it was true, but couldn’t admit it.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“No. I mean… I don’t know. Last night was a lot to process.”

“I’m so sorry.” She pleaded.

“Don’t. Don’t cry ok. Just let’s get dressed. We’ve already missed half the tailgate and we can’t miss the game.”

The pair got dressed in silence on opposite sides of the room. Andrea trying her best to fight back the tears. In 24 hours time they would be checking out of this hotel and driving home. She had that much time to save the relationship… that much was clear to her.

*****

They had arrived at the tailgate and done their best to pretend their fight was behind them. Andrea ate a few hot dogs and a hamburger and that helped settle her stomach… she wasn’t quite ready to start drinking again but had taken a hard seltzer that she was nursing slowly as she mingled with the group.

In between games of beer pong, flip cup, and just general drunkenness the conversation flowed amongst the old friends as they reminisced about old time. It almost made Andrea jealous that she didn’t have friends and experiences with that she could do this with…

“And who could forget that time Trey got arrested for hooking up with Mary Holtz in the library?” Bobby’s friend Gunner said to loud fits of laughter from the group.

“I wasn’t arrested!” Trey shot in to clarify… “We were just both escorted out of the library and had a judicial board hearing two weeks later… had to do some university community service hours… slap on the wrist.”

“Didn’t you spend those Community Service hours hooking up with Mandy Lee in the basement of the music building while you were supposed to be reorganizing their files?”

“I multitasked.” The group roared with laughter.

“What about you Bobby? What crazy antics did you get up to that you haven’t told me about?” Andrea asked. She hoped it would allow Bobby to brag about himself a bit after all the bad things Andrea had drunkenly said about him the night before. The question had the desired effect.

“You mean you never told her?” Gunner said faking astonishment. “Andrea your Boyfriend is a Delta Living Legend!”

“Oh is he now?!?” Andrea gave him a small smile. Bobby half heartedly returned it.

“He is the last person to successfully run the Delta Triathlon Gauntlet.”

“Delta Triathlon Gauntlet?”

“Here at SSU we have a tradition called the Triathlon. It’s three tasks you’re supposed to complete before you graduate.” Gunner started to explain. “The first task is to run through the University Gardens under the light of a full moon. The second is to go swimming in the Golden Pond after jumping off the Founders bridge into it. The third is to disrupt the Presidential Slumber.”

“The first two sound super easy. Disrupt the presidential slumber?” Andrea looked at the group confused.

“Basically you ding dong ditch the university presidents mansion. He lives in this huge house on the edge of campus.” Gunner continued.

“Well all of that sounds super easy.”

“Taken at face value yes it is. But over the years students got impatient waiting for a full moon… so they decided to create their own.”

“Create their own…?”

Gunner gave her a small gesture with his eyes she turned to look at Trey who quickly stood up and turned around whipping his pants down in the process flashing her his pasty ass in the process. More laughter from the group.

“Oh I get it… so Streaking through the University Gardens?”

“Bingo.” Gunner grinned, “So it’s like this. If you’re a wimp you do the Triathlon fully clothed. You time it so you run through the gardens under a full moon, you swim in the pond in a bathing suit, and you ding dong ditch the house which of the three things is the only one against the rules… but a lot of people think that’s to easy… and if you’re already streaking through the gardens you might as well skinny dip in the pond. And then…”

“You naked ding dong ditch the Presidents house…” Andrea was amazed, “And people actually do that?”

“The brave ones yeah. I would say most folks in realty only do one or two legs of the triathlon fully clothed and call that good enough. The people who actually want to uphold the tradition do all three. The bravest do them all completely naked. The craziest… well they do them all naked and all in one night.”

“So that’s the Gauntlet? All naked and in one night?”

“No. The gauntlet is a taking a shot at McDougall’s pub in old town just off campus before you start, in between each task and then right after you finish… all in one night. Without using a car. All on foot.”

“That’s… crazy. But it sounds doable?”

“Harder than you think. If you’re worried about getting caught you want to wait until later in the night to start… but McDougall's last call is 2am. And it’s at least a 45 minute walk from old town to the Presidents mansion. That’s where everyone gets tripped up. You basically have to start no later than 9pm. And there are a lot of people still wandering around campus that early on a weekend.”

“Why not doing during the week then?”

“They close at midnight on weekdays.”

“And so Bobby…” Andrea said turning to look at her boyfriend

“…was the last Delta to ever complete the Gauntlet. Many have tried since. All have failed.”

Bobby simply held out his beer as his brothers clapped and cheered for him.

The conversation continued as the tailgate was packed up and the group headed to the stadium for the game. Andrea came up to her boyfriend who while still giving her the cold shoulder was starting to defrost some.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about that? About the gauntlet?”

“Didn’t seem like something that would interest you. You always said that the drunken college antics weren’t for you so I didn’t feel like you wanted to hear about mine.”

“Yeah but that’s so cool though… so brave…”

“I was drunk the entire time. And I was an idiot. It’s not that impressive.”

“Well it is to me… do girls ever do it?”

“The Triathlon? Yeah a lot do. Though most aren’t naked the entire time. As for the Gauntlet… none have finished. A few tried. Trey actually did his run with that girl Mandy he mentioned. The only reason they didn’t finish was because they stopped to have sex behind the bio building on the way to the Presidents mansion… then they decided that they enjoyed doing that more than all of the running around.” He finished with a laugh. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” Andrea said… the gears still turning in her head.

*****

The game was a blowout (like most homecoming games were). The entire campus, their group included, was ready to celebrate. The sun had only just set and a long night of partying was ahead.

But Andrea wasn’t focused on that. She hasn’t even been focused on the game (she didn’t care much for football). She instead had decided on something. Something that both terrified her and excited her at the same time.

“Were we going to celebrate boys!” Trey called out to the group as they fought their way through the crowd out of the stadium. It was then that Andrea made her decision.

“McDougall’s!” She called out. A cheer from the group affirmed her choice.

“Why do you want to go there? It’s a shitty college bar. Not at all you.” Bobby said grabbing her arm so that they didn’t get separated.

“Because that’s the starting line.” Andrea said trying to muster all of her confidence.

“Starting line for what?” Bobby asked confused.

“The Gauntlet.” He froze.

“What?”

“That’s how I’m gonna make last night up to you.”

“What? No. You don’t have to make last night up to me. That’s crazy.” The crowd continued pushing past them as they got jostled around. Andrea grabbed his hand and lead him over to the wall where they could huddle close and not be disrupted by the string of people making their way outside.

“No I do. It’s like you said. I’m insecure and belittle others… it’s time I showed some humility.”

“Andrea…”

“No I’ve decided. I fucked up last night. This is my punishment. Be apart of it or not but I’m doing this. I’m running the Gauntlet.”