Listless

It was the middle of the week after they had shot with Sarah and Manny on the weekend. Dan had just exited his mathematics class and was waiting for Nicole when he saw the school's guidance counsellor, Mr Elsen, walking through a crowd of students. Dan caught his eye, and the counsellor headed toward him.

“Mr McNamara. How are you this afternoon?” Boomed, raising his voice to be heard over the crowd.

“Hi, Sir. I'm fairly good. How are you?” Dan replied.

“I'm still alive, and the sun is out. “ Mr Elsen replied.

Elsen didn't wait for Dan to reply. “Have you got a few minutes, Dan?” He asked.

“I was waiting on Nicole, but I think I can spare a few minutes,” Dan answered.

“Let's talk in my office,” Elsen told him.

Dan followed the counsellor as he led him towards his office. He held the door open for Dan, letting him step inside first. Elsen's room was a small, cluttered office, heavy with the smell of cigarette smoke. Books had been haphazardly stuffed onto shelves, and Elsen's desk was a clutter of unorganised papers. The walls were lined with posters of bands from the sixties and seventies like The Grateful Dead, Led Zeppelin, and Black Sabbath

Elsen was a slightly overweight man in his late forties. He was wearing a red shirt that was slightly too small for him and black trousers. He had a thick but slightly unkempt handlebar moustache. He followed Dan into the room and took a seat opposite him, and waved to Dan to sit down. Elsen shifted his chair back and pushed open the window behind him. He took a pack of Newports out of a chest pocket and lit one. Dan had always liked the school's guidance counsellor and thought of his absolute disregard for the school's policy about smoking as endearing

“Do you want one, Dan?” Elsen asked him

“No, thanks, Mr Elsen. I quit about six months ago.” Dan replied.

“Dan, I keep telling you to call me Harvey. You know my thoughts on formality”

“So why am I here?” Dan asked him.

“Direct, I like that. It's your final year here at Middleton, and I have to have these chats with all of the students. Banal, as it might be, I have to ask. What is it you want to do after you leave here Dan?”

Dan sat there in silence for a moment, struggling for an answer.

“Something involving film?” Dan answered, still unsure of himself.

“I'll be honest, Dan. I like you, but I think you're too happy not to stand out in the rank and file of the student crowd. I've watched you for the last year, and the most apt description I have is listless. You take an interest in something, but when a challenge is presented, you quit.” Harvey told him bluntly.

“It hasn't been the best year, I'll admit.” Dan retorted.

“The best year? Camara got you interested in poetry. You started writing these really fun, cool beat poems and then he encouraged the idea of submitting some to a publication, and then you got scared and quit.” Harvey continued with his critique of Dan's academic choices.

Dan had not written anything like that in months. What Harvey was saying was true, but there was more to it than that. He had got daunted when Camara had suggested submitting his works in such a way, but Britney was also part of the reason. Whenever he finished something new, his sister was always the first person he read it to. When Britney had pulled away from him, he had lost interest in writing.

“I'll admit when Camara suggested that I was scared. But there was more to it than that.” Dan responded, unintentionally raising his voice in annoyance.

Harvey was taken aback at Dan almost shouting at him. “Then tell me, Dan. What is it that held you back? I like you, Dan. Most of the teachers like you. Ms Harris almost thinks of you as a friend. “ Harvey replied.

“Well, maybe not, Cohen,” Dan replied with a hint of sarcasm.

“Fuck, Anders Cohen. The guy's a fucking ass to the staff just as much as any of the students.” Harvey exclaimed.

“Britney,” Dan said quietly, staring down at the floor.

“Your sister. I always liked your sister. How is she doing?” Harvey told him.

“I don't know. She's been really distant and stopped letting me in a few months after going to college.” Dan said, looking up at Harvey.

“Shit, man, I know the two of you were close. Fuck, I hate saying something cliché, but give her time?” Harvey said sympathetically.

“Yeah, I've been doing that, and it hasn't really helped,” Dan said honestly.

The two of them sat in there in silence, trying to ignore the weird tension that was building.

“So what you been listening to lately?” Harvey said, trying to change the subject.

“The new '68 album is really good,” Dan answered.

“Stuff like that takes me back to going to Fugazi shows at CBGB's back in the nineties.” Harvey mused. “You seen anyone live recently?

“Well, I tried going to a show with Randy & Emma, but his car fucking broke down.” Dan joked.

“I remember doing that when I was younger, travelling miles for a really good show.” Harvey continued reminiscing.

Harvey lit another cigarette. “So you know that Tabitha is back?”

Dan was surprised at being told the school's former gym teachers had returned. She had also been in charge of the school's swim team. For awhile Dan had been on the team, but after Tabitha left, he had made the decision to quit.

“I hadn't heard that. I thought she left to go travelling?” Dan asked.

“Yeah, she backpacked through Asia for a bit. Last I heard before coming back, she was living on some Native American commune. Left to go find herself or something clichéd like that. But I think she found what she was looking for.” Harvey explained.

“Well, that's good at least,” Dan replied, holding back slightly.

“You can be honest with me.” Harvey requested.

“She was the one who brought me onto the swim team, encouraged me, helped me with training. Her leaving like that kind of felt like a betrayal.” Dan told him, sounding exasperated

“I get that, which is why what I'm about to ask might be difficult,” Harvey told him.

“At this point, just ask,” Dan told him.

“Tabitha has asked if you would be willing to rejoin the team. She thought it might be easier if the request came from someone else.” Harvey said cautiously.

Dan was not sure how to think about that. His feelings towards Tabitha, Ms Schaefer, were mixed. He also knew that his leaving the team had angered the other people who he had been friends with on the team, especially Donna. Donna was the female captain of the swim team.

“I didn't exactly leave the team on the best terms with everyone else. Donna was really hurt, and Curtis had not spoken to him since.” Dan explained.

“There is this thing called an apology, Dan.” Harvey quipped.

“Yeah, okay. I would need to think about it. He replied.

Dan felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He got it out and saw it was a message from Nicole.

“I think I need to go find my girlfriend,” Dan told him.

“I've seen the two of you in the corridor holding hands. You make a cute couple,” Harvey replied.

Dan stopped, readying himself to leave.

“Dan, think about what I said. Find something you are passionate about and embrace it.” Harvey called to Dan as he was leaving the room.

Dan exited Mr Elsen's little office and wandered round the school corridors and found Nicole talking with Starla. She noticed Dan was walking up to her and ran over to hug him.

“Where were you?” Nicole asked.

“I was talking with Harvey,” Dan explained.

“I hope everything is okay,” Nicole answered.

“Ms Schaefer's back, and I need to speak to her,” Dan replied.

“Really. Since when?” Nicole queried.

“Only recently, I think,” Dan said.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Nicole questioned.

“I think I need to do this one on my own. I don't think they are going to welcome me back easily.” Dan said with a hint of concern.