Lilith - Hell's reporter on the "female plant" collector

Q: Thank you for agreeing to this interview, John.

JOHN: My pleasure, Lilith.

Q: So let's get right down to it. I'm given to understand you "collect plants"?

JOHN: Well, strictly speaking, I collect female plants. The plants are all females, you see.

Q: And you're not talking about the botanical sense here?

JOHN: Right, they're women that I turn into plants to keep around.

Q: Can I ask, why women? Why potted plants?

JOHN: It depends for the former. If we're focusing on just the ones in plant form... Something about each of those women is special or unique to me, something I want to stay in my life. So if somebody I meet makes me feel that way, I'll add her to my collection.
If you're asking if I transform anything else, not really - women are my only real interest.

Q: You'd be very busy otherwise.

JOHN: Right.
For the latter, transforming them is what easily lets them be collected. I don't really like using the word "stored", since it sounds like I'm putting them away out of sight, and I don't like "displayed" either, since I'm not trying to flaunt them to anyone, least of all myself. They're not prizes, they're just women - I have a few dozen more people who hang out in my apartment all day, is one way you can look at it.
But yeah, transforming them lets me pick them up and carry them and put them wherever. Usually in my apartment where I can have access to them, and show them to other people if they ask, like now.
As for why potted plants, they just add nice ambience to the apartment, there's no deeper reason.

Q: Do the women mind?

JOHN: Not really? They might be in a rush or in the middle of something, and often something that matters to them is weighing on them, but - well, I might be stating the obvious here, but - plants don't have brains, and naturally a woman can't think without one, so I can't imagine they mind once I transform them. There are a lot of cases where a woman being transformed interrupts what other people were doing, but realistically, it's not like my power can work any other way, so invariably life goes on for all of us.
There are a few women who I've managed to save from getting hurt by transforming them too.

Q: How about afterwards? I assume you untransform them on occasion; do they appreciate it?

JOHN: I'm not sure appreciation is the right term, it's not as if being turned into a plant is something they really need to thank me for. Nothing bad comes of it, if that's what you mean. They have full awareness of their lives still, they know how long they've been transformed. Spending any part of their time transformed doesn't make them any less of the women they are, or else it'd defeat the point and I'd never use my power. I'd probably curse it, even.

Q: Say someone chloroforms a woman in the middle of the street, then brings her back to their apartment and keeps her there.

JOHN: I see where you're going, since the process is pretty similar, and to echo you, I don't think anyone would appreciate being kidnapped. She's the victim of a violent crime, she'd have every right to be terrified about the consequences, both immediate and potential. Honestly, if I could intervene in that scenario, it'd be one of the rare times I transform anyone other than a woman - no matter who the perpetrator is, they're an active danger and it'd make no sense not to use my power to stop that.

Q: Would you hand them in to the police?

JOHN: Probably not. Transforming them solves the issue. Handing them to the police just creates more.

Q: Sorry, let me just sidetrack a little more, you've got me intrigued. What would you transform them into? Can you do inanimate objects?

JOHN: Sure.

JOHN: Like that.

Q: You're right, I could tell that lasted for a few seconds. What was I transformed into?

JOHN: Just a lifesize statue of you.
But to get back on topic, the difference is - well, once again I'm stating the obvious, but - there's no such thing as **** an object. You can steal it, but I'd hope none of the people I transform are legal property.
If this hypothetical woman is knocked out and dragged away in front of you, that would be shocking. But this woman in front of you being a plant now, well... she's a potted plant, and it's not as if you can tell a potted plant it needs permission to be picked up and taken elsewhere.

Q: So the gist of it is, they're not human while they're transformed, so anything goes.

JOHN: Well, you're saying "they're not human while they're not human", and "we treat objects in ways we wouldn't treat humans", which aren't shocking truths if you see what I mean.
I don't treat the plants badly, because even if they're technically just plants, I've turned the women into them because I care about them. It doesn't cost you anything to not harm the things you care about, right?

Q: Observers see plants, you still see their souls.

JOHN: Is that a confirmation souls exist? I wish I was interviewing you now.

Q: So circling back, you mentioned "just the ones in plant form" when I asked you why you collect women. Are there other women you've collected for different reasons?

JOHN: Very specifically, one other - this place is pretty well furnished now, but the landlord "forgot" about it at first and left it completely barren, which made it tricky as my first apartment since I wasn't going to borrow all the furniture out of my parents' place. The landlord clearly wasn't being sincere, and she was still inside because she needed to use the bathroom, so once she came out, I transformed her into the houseware I needed.

Q: All of it? Like the couches we're sitting on?

JOHN: Right. The kitchen appliances, the living room and bedroom furniture, and the dishes and cleaning tools since I hadn't bought those yet, are her.

Q: That seems quite out of character for you.

JOHN: Excuse my language, but fuck landlords. My one regret is she didn't own any other place, so I didn't save anyone else from paying rent.

Q: How did you find that out? That she didn't own anywhere else, I mean.

JOHN: I can untransform individual objects she's become. It's only enough to hold that much of a fraction of her, but one single fact is vanishingly small in the human experience. The smallest I have of her is a teaspoon, so that'd be the convenient object of choice.

Q: What does it look like when you do that?

JOHN: Normal, really - each individual piece is still her, so it turns back into her, but it only takes as much of her self as it'll fit. If you're wondering, I'd have to turn her back as a whole instead of piecewise in order to let her carry on as normal.

Q: Can you turn multiple parts of her back at once? Does it make multiple copies of her?

JOHN: Sure, and yes, they just only hold - I've been resisting using this word, it still sounds too metaphysical to me - as much of her "soul" as each one fits.

Q: Very interesting. Well, thank you for your time, John, that about wraps up the interview. The readers are going to love learning about you.

JOHN: Thank you for your time, too. I've never had the chance to be interviewed before, so that's another first crossed off the list.

Q: Glad to hear it! Just before we go, could you show us any of your collection?

JOHN: Well, actually, since the interview's over now, I was going to add you to it. Not the plant collection specifically, it'd be interesting if I showed you more of my life for you to write about. You mentioned getting me was a big scoop for you, and I don't think I can say anyone else wants to write articles on me for a magazine in Hell.

Q: Please, Hell was dissolved 600 years ago. But go on.

JOHN: The thing is, it's what I could help you to do that I find so fascinating about you, so my idea is instead I carry you around as an object, restore you whenever there's something you could write about, then once you're done, I turn you back until next time or whenever there's something you need to do. Would your bosses approve of that?

Q: Wow, I'm flattered! No need to ask, I know they'd love it. Also, my notepad is linked to one my editor holds, so they actually already have everything I've written in here.

JOHN: You write fast.

Q: Cubandi's a dense language, plus we have shorthand.

JOHN: Cubandi?

Q: I'm a succubus. Nobody's just "a demon", after all, you've got to be something.

JOHN: I hope you haven't been using your powers on me.

Q: Using them? No.

With a satisfactory snap of the notebook, I let the ink dry on this interview.

"No?"

Listen to him, asking without expecting me to answer. It's true either way - my bag of tricks is all lechery and his life is lecherous enough for the demon realm to get off to, with or without my help. No, I haven't USED any powers on him yet. And my innate charm as a succubus, well, I can't do anything about that...

"Pleased to meet you, John, and once again, I'm vice-subjournalist Lilith, on dispatch to the human realm. Now, let me think if I had any business. If not, I could start on your collection while we're here, or maybe I'll kick back while you take me lady-hunting..."